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Old 03-27-2013, 02:30 PM   #121
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I realize no one said "offensive" but the way it was discussed gave me the impression it was derogatory.

I can see the differences. I guess I didn't realize it was viewed that way by the gay community. I see it differently, but this is also because I see it through my own belief system. .

This is going to come across as churlish, but we've all known of someone who was gay and chose to be straight, and those who were straight and chose to be gay, is it then a "lifestyle".
I wouldn't say derogatory as much as unfair. Its unfair to assume that every LBGTQ person lives one lifestyle that is so different than anyone else that it should come with limited rights.

Honestly, that last part utterly confuses me. I know two people who tried to be straight because they thought it was the "right" thing to do. Both people were miserable. They both went through tough times coming out. They both lost some friends and family members over it, but they are both so much happier now living as themselves not someone else's ideal.

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Old 03-27-2013, 02:30 PM   #122
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Re: I hear this a lot, and don't "get it".....

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Originally Posted by AtLeast View Post
Posting at the same time as others-

I realize no one said "offensive" but the way it was discussed gave me the impression it was derogatory.

I can see the differences. I guess I didn't realize it was viewed that way by the gay community. I see it differently, but this is also because I see it through my own belief system. .

This is going to come across as churlish, but we've all known of someone who was gay and chose to be straight, and those who were straight and chose to be gay, is it then a "lifestyle".
I've never met anyone who decided to be gay or decided to be straight. Never. I've known people who pretended to be straight because their religious parents would have disowned them, but eventually they came out. They were miserable lying about who they really were. Anyhow, what you are describing is a sexual orientation. I know I keep saying it, but honestly, answer these questions: Please tell me what the list of activities are that gay people practice. Please tell me what unifying activities all gay people participate in. Please tell me what beliefs all gay people share.

I'm really confused by what you think gay people do that is different than straight people. Maybe if you answer those questions I can help you understand, but as it is I'm completely dumbfounded by what you think it is that gay people do that distinguishes them from straight people. If it is just who they love, well again, that is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:31 PM   #123
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Carriek38- I did not mean to offend you. I do apologize if I did. I guess I am quite naive and I will completely own that. I wrongly assumed there would be those who are gay that would be proud to say they live that way. Like I am proud of my subsets. Not saying our everyday lives look different, but they are in one key way that I had thought was something you would want to be identified with. I suppose I was seeing it as an identifier positively, not negatively. I'm very sorry I wasn't able to see it from a different perspective sooner.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:34 PM   #124
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Re: I hear this a lot, and don't "get it".....

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Carriek38- I did not mean to offend you. I do apologize if I did. I guess I am quite naive and I will completely own that. I wrongly assumed there would be those who are gay that would be proud to say they live that way. Like I am proud of my subsets. Not saying our everyday lives look different, but they are in one key way that I had thought was something you would want to be identified with. I suppose I was seeing it as an identifier positively, not negatively. I'm very sorry I wasn't able to see it from a different perspective sooner.
Who said gay people aren't proud to identify as gay? Being gay is a sexual orientation, and (with the exception of those who are shamed and made to loathe themselves due to religious influence) I've never met a LGBTQ person who wasn't proud of who they are. Just as I'm proud of who I am. But being proud of who you are is much, much different than someone asserting that all people of your sexual orientation live the same life and have the same lifestyle.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:36 PM   #125
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Originally Posted by AtLeast
Carriek38- I did not mean to offend you. I do apologize if I did. I guess I am quite naive and I will completely own that. I wrongly assumed there would be those who are gay that would be proud to say they live that way. Like I am proud of my subsets. Not saying our everyday lives look different, but they are in one key way that I had thought was something you would want to be identified with. I suppose I was seeing it as an identifier positively, not negatively. I'm very sorry I wasn't able to see it from a different perspective sooner.
This is a wonderful reply. I truly hope you don't feel ganged up on. I can't speak for others, but that certainly wasn't my intent. I think the point people are trying to make is that sexuality alone does not define who a person is. Unfortunately, it does define many of a person's rights.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:37 PM   #126
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Re: I hear this a lot, and don't "get it".....

Man, when I was so glad I got my major chores done when I first saw this thread. Alas, we have a lunch date at 11:30 and I'm sure this thread will be locked by the time we get home and DS goes down for a nap. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have some reading to catch up on!
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:39 PM   #127
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Who said gay people aren't proud to identify as gay? Being gay is a sexual orientation, and (with the exception of those who are shamed and made to loathe themselves due to religious influence) I've never met a LGBTQ person who wasn't proud of who they are. Just as I'm proud of who I am. But being proud of who you are is much, much different than someone asserting that all people of your sexual orientation live the same life and have the same lifestyle.
She's admitted to being naive and having learned a lot from this thread. I think that says a lot.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:44 PM   #128
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Re: I hear this a lot, and don't "get it".....

Carrie you rock!
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:47 PM   #129
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OK, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who has posted to this thread who truly has a dog in the fight, and I've limited my responses to those that specifically relate to the OP, but I'll bite

It's absolutely offensive to define me (and my lifestyle) solely by my sexual orientation or my sex acts. DP and I are both in our 30's, both hold graduate degrees, both have professional-type careers. We own 2 cars (though, admittedly both are Lesbarus ). We own our own home, a 3 br/1.5 ba split level in a family-friendly suburban subdivision. We pay our taxes. We worry about our local schools, crime rates, etc. We own pets. We go on vacation & rent a house in the mountains every couple of years. We're involved with our families. We're monogamous. We've been married 3.5 years, and have been together for 13.5 years. We care about our daughter...yes, OUR daughter, both of us are on the birth certificate. We've been trying for another LO for just over a year.

My life probably looks an awful lot like like yours. There's not much about it that's specifically "gay" other than what I do in my bedroom. We have to be more deliberate about certain things to ensure that we have as close to equal rights as possible, things that straight married couples take for granted...did you have to think about whether you would be able to inherit your house if your DH died? Probably not, but DP & I had to make sure that we had a specific mortgage contract so that, if I died, DP owned the house & didn't suddenly find herself co-owning a house w/ my mother. I don't fly a pride flag outside my house, I don't wear rainbow jewelry. I'm not a bull**** or any other offensive, pejorative descriptor. I'm just...normal. We're normal, as far as that term goes. I'm not even particularly handy w/ power tools . And I know that I have more in common with you, and other middle-class families, than I have with drag queens or college-age gay party boys (no judgement there, their lives are not my life, though)...though your generalization would somehow draw a parallel between my life with the latter. It's not a true, or fair, or valid, and the fact that you would paint all LGBTQ people with the same broad stroke really just serves to illustrate how limited your knowledge and understanding are.
What an incredible post!

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I do not consider people to be animals. I never have. I don't see how my saying because something is natural to an animal doesn't make it natural for humans. In using this argument you then open up humans to no morals at all. Animals have been known to exhibit behavior any one of us would find abhorrent in humans. Eating our offspring, mating with our offspring, abandoning our children with birth defects, killing because someone is week. All of these things are natural to many animals. To follow the reasoning that because it is natural for animals it is natural for humans leaves us open to the reasoning these things are also okay for humans to be wise it is only natural.

Humans however are not animals. So saying it is normal for humans to do something because animals do does not in my opinion make a valid argument. Nor is it something likely to gain my respect. Rather it gains my disgust for your line of reasoning. Presumably, this is the opposite result desired.
I'm ignoring everything in your post because it makes my head hurt. However, humans ARE animals. Check our classification.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:49 PM   #130
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In 1967, the Supreme Court finally declared that bans of interracial marriage were unconstitutional. DH and I are an interracial couple. I'm of european descent; he's a Korean immigrant. If we'd been born 50 years early, our marriage would have been illegal in many states. I'm very grateful people came before me to fight that fight.
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