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Old 08-27-2008, 07:10 PM   #1
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Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

I am so frustrated lately. Mostly with our 2 year old. She is a VERY high energy child. She can run in circles from 7 am to midnight without slowing down. (She goes to bed at 8, but not to sleep) She gets into absolutely everything (since she is a 2 yr old) and she is COMPLETLEY wearing me down. She is mostly a very well behaved child and very smart but she has just so much energy and I am just soooo tired. We have a 7 month old too but she will just sit there and stare at you, she isn't too tiring yet.

She really wears me down and by the end of the day I get waaay too frustrated with her. Like I am telling her to hush a lot. And I hate that. When dh gets home I just want to throw the kids at him and I feel like I am in a bad mood all the time when he gets home. I feel like I am just a breath away from freaking out and screaming at her one of these times. And I always said I wouldn't. (Haven't yet but I might)

But then if I get like a 10 minute break (or maybe a shower) I am rejuvenated enough to get "back to normal." After my break I love being with the kids and doing the mommy thing and I can't believe I ever had those "I CAN"T DO THIS" thoughts. But I HAVE TO have that break in there. Otherwise I swear I will lose my mind. I sound terrible I know. But sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!!

Two weeks ago I hired my sister-n-law (13) to come over to sit with the girls in the morning for me so I can work. (I work from home and it is less of a job and more of a getaway for me) She comes over from 10-12 everyday. (I am still here so I can see them while I work but she occupies them) This has helped SOOOOO much. I am less frustrated with the kids and everything runs smoother with that 2 hr break in there. (but I do feel guilty that I can't seem to handle it on my own) But anyway, she is going back to school next week and I am dreading that. So I kinda thought about sending the 2 yr old to daycare for a couple days a week, I know she would love it but I kinda feel bad.
1. For sending her to daycare at all when I am supposed to be a SAHM.
2. For sending her and not her sister. Like I am sending her away because I don't like her or something. That's not it, its just the baby still nurses a lot and she kind of self occupies so I can get work done.

But then again, she would have fun, I would have the break and be able to work and pay off our debt. I hate that I am even thinking about doing this but I am.

Is this terrible? I am so confused. Maybe because I had a really rough day. I need to give myself a hug I think. I went waaaay off my diet today. (Stress eater)

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Old 08-27-2008, 08:27 PM   #2
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

You need to do whatever makes you a better mom. In the end that is what is most important. Don't feel bad about needing a break. It sounds like when you do get breaks it helps a ton. If your DD would love daycare, than maybe give it a try.
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Old 08-27-2008, 08:34 PM   #3
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

Nope, I do the same. DS is 3, DD 6 months. He goes after a few days at home and needing some more peer interaction. Its great for him, great for me, everyone is happy.
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Old 08-27-2008, 08:40 PM   #4
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

Even stay at home moms need breaks and it isn't like you would be sending her all day. She is probably ready for the social interaction and while they can get that at a playgroup, the mom usually has to go, which doesn't help you get work done. I think if a few hours of daycare a week is going to help you put food on the table and help keep you sane, go for it. Just make sure you choose a daycare that shares your values and your dd enjoys. My DS is 9 months old and very time demanding. I def learned that two kids is harder than one. I do recommend making going to daycare seem like a treat if you don't send both and putting aside special time for her so she doesn't feel punished. Good luck, mama!
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Old 08-27-2008, 08:50 PM   #5
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

Could you get your kiddo into a preschool program rather than just a daycare? That way, it would seem like she was getting to do something special because she's the "big girl" of the house, kwim?

Frankly, even if you just put her in a conventional daycare, she'd probably think it was pretty awesome, if you marketed it to her as a privilege. And she'll probably be thrilled to have some other little kids to run around with.

Plus, everyone in your house will be happier if you're feeling less frazzled. Happy mommas make happy families.
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:08 PM   #6
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

Thanks everyone. Dh took the girls out tonight while I got some "downtime." I feel so much better and I couldn't wait to see them. (They were only gone 2 hrs too.) I am really just looking for day care (or a sitter) for a few hours a week for a little break, I just feel kinda bad for needing one. I think it will be easier when the baby is older and they can play together. She just really wants someone to play with and entertain her all day and it really wears me down. She loves playing with other kids so I thought maybe she might like it, but I think I would miss her too. I don't know. I feel better getting it all out though. It just always seems like people think you are a bad mom for wanting a break from your kids.

Thanks for all the advice!
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:41 PM   #7
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

If she's an older 2, I'd second the preschool suggestion - maybe even 2 or 3 mornings a week.

Otherwise, you can get a daytime sitter to replace your SIL for a few hours each day, kind of a part time nanny. Check local universities for students who may be majoring in early education - they usually have job boards. I did this when my older son was 3 & I was pg & needed both to work from home & have a bit of a mommy break. It worked out great!
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:44 PM   #8
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Re: Is it bad if I send only 1 kid to daycare and not the other?

What about a Mothers Day Out program? Or joining a MOPS group?
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