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Old 01-07-2013, 01:24 PM   #1
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TTC #3 dilemma

I know there are a million similar threads out there but... I dunno... I'm feeling a little lost and could use some insight

I have two boys, my oldest is 3.5 and the baby is 16 months. I want a 3rd (and DH is on board) but I just don't feel ready now. I WOH 4 days a week, my oldest is a real handful, and the baby still doesn't sleep through the night. Plus I found the 2.5 year spacing between my boys to be kind of hard. DH and I had decided to wait out 2013 and start trying for another baby in 2014. That way we'd have, at the very least, a little more than 3 yrs between DS2 and the new baby.

BUT. My family has a history of VERY early menopause (for some of the women it's bordered on early ovarian failure). My mom, for example, was fully in menopause (a year since her last period) at age 42. I've always known this and had it in my mind, but figured I'd be okay waiting until 34-35 to get pg for the last time (I'm 33 now).

Over the last few months, though, I've started to notice that my cycles have gotten suddenly shorter. I used to always be 31-32 days, but now they're more like 26 or 27. I know this is a very common sign of perimenopause, which has me worrying about my "clock" a lot.

So... what would you do? Do we start trying now even though I don't necessarily feel "ready" for another baby (and wouldn't have the child spacing I wanted)? or wait and take my chances with fertility in another year?

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Old 01-07-2013, 09:53 PM   #2
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Re: TTC #3 dilemma

I personally would not want to take the chance of not having a baby and family size that I wanted so I would try sooner rather than later. I would also say though that you should talk to your doctor about it Hope all works out well with whatever you decide!
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:21 PM   #3
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Re: TTC #3 dilemma

if it were me, I'd not try now. I'd think about how I felt. I would find a specialist to help determine what's going on specifically-- I don't want to misdiagnose myself. I'd call my ins co tomorrow and start checking out drs and go from there.

I, too, want a larger family. I don't think its fair (in my case) if we're not both in it 100%. Sure DH would be head over heals when meeting a new child, but I don't want to start like that. I'm ready, he's not and I won't rush it. (I feel I should add that it takes us years to get pg each time so far, so I don't take this lightly. We are old in parental terms.) I know its not the same, but I have a hard time telling you what to do- when I really just mean follow your instincts. If you think you should hold back, then do. If you feel it will work out better forging ahead, then that's your answer.

Again- not the right answer, just my answer.

(((hugs))) whatever you decide.
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Last edited by c&w's mama; 01-07-2013 at 10:23 PM.
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Old 01-08-2013, 08:12 AM   #4
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I personally would not try for a baby of I wasn't ready. Out first 2 are 20 months apart and we didn't want a huge gap between the next 2, but ds ended up being extremely high needs and there is no way I could have handled one close to him. I also had health stuff going and could have gotten pregnant but decided it wasn't worth the risk.

Also, cycles change as we get older and after kids and such and I don't think it means perimenopause. My cycle was always 30-32 days when I was younger and then after years of bc, then the 2 pregnancies/bf, then bc again it was shorter again. Once I was done with all that my cycle ended up way shorter at 25 days. I'm 32 and still got pregnant on the first try with 25 day cycles.
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Old 01-08-2013, 09:01 AM   #5
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I think you need to ask yourself how you will feel in a year if you realize it's too late. Will you be devastated and regretful or accepting it as what it is?

If I really wanted a third, in your shoes, I would not wait personally.
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:10 PM   #6
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Re: TTC #3 dilemma

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Originally Posted by Mom2Connor View Post
I think you need to ask yourself how you will feel in a year if you realize it's too late. Will you be devastated and regretful or accepting it as what it is?

If I really wanted a third, in your shoes, I would not wait personally.
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Old 01-08-2013, 12:49 PM   #7
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Re: TTC #3 dilemma

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Originally Posted by Mom2Connor View Post
I think you need to ask yourself how you will feel in a year if you realize it's too late. Will you be devastated and regretful or accepting it as what it is?
you distilled this so perfectly I had a talk with DH about it and we decided to start TTC in the spring. We have some things going on over the next couple of months and we really can't be TTC, but we will start in April or May. I can't stand the thought of not having a third baby. It would be so much easier if I felt "done" having kids, but I just don't.
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