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Old 01-20-2009, 09:38 AM   #11
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I wouldn't do anything permanent, and just see where life takes you. The feeling may go away, or it may not, just keep your options open. After my lo is born, I know we will be done because 40 is fast approaching and I have a complication that will effect the health of future babies. So, for me, I know now, but it took many, many years to get here, and I'm glad I kept the door open.

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Old 01-20-2009, 10:08 AM   #12
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

We thought 2 was all we wanted and were looking into permanent birth control options for after the upcoming birth of our second daughter.

Then we started talking to each other last weekend and realized that neither one of us is comfortable with a permanent option. We both feel that maybe 2 years from now we may want a third. I think it surprised us both. We are financially tight so a third would really force us to change our lifestyles but neither of us could put away the thought.

So now, we're looking into Paraguard or other more temporary measures.
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Old 01-20-2009, 10:20 AM   #13
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

To me after this one I'll be done. Like Jackson Pollock once said when he was asked "how do you know when a painting is done?"...he said "the same way you know your done making love, you just know"

Agreed
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Old 01-20-2009, 12:54 PM   #14
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

you wrote exactly how i feel :-(

I have 3, but i struggle on a daily basis on whether i am done yet or not. DH wants to be done, he wants to get some sleep, start going on dates again (cant do that with an EBF baby who needs a boob 24-7), he wants to start taking family vacations that older children can go on (its hard to travel with a newborn), basically, he is ready to leave the babymaking phase and enter the child raising phase.

I see his point, and i feel it too, however, i constantly have a nagging in my heart that there is a member of this family that is missing. I felt that way after i had my second baby and we thought we were done then too. I honestly felt in my heart that a baby boy was meant to be added to our family, and low and behold 2 years later, i gave birth to a delivery surprise baby boy. Now im feeling like another little girl is meant to be with us. Maybe its all in my head, i cant explain it. I just know i cant get over these feelings im having.

Something else added to the equation, i have a lot of physical problems from having babies that i planned on getting fixed with surgeries (one problem is VERY loose wrinkled up skin that hangs over my pants and is very uncomfortable.) I actually have enough money in savings right now for a tummy tuck, and i told myself after Rowin self weans (whether its a year or 2 from now or even longer) I am done having kids, im getting my TT and taking care of myself for once. However, like i mentioned before, as much as i want to fix my physical abnormalities and get my self back, i still want to have another baby! i just cant win!

Sorry i dont have much advice, i just wanted to let you know im in the same boat.
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Old 01-20-2009, 01:33 PM   #15
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

We are there too but I think we have decided to adopt if we want to enlarge our family. There are certainly enough kids that need loving homes and we could make a difference in their lives!
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Old 01-20-2009, 06:45 PM   #16
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I have also always thought adoption would be a fabulous way to enlarge our family. However, DH has several cousins that are adopted and they all seem to have some major issues, so he is a lot more hesitant to go that route.

*** I'm in know way saying that all adopted children have issues, that is just DH's experience with adoption. It is definitely not my experience. ***
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:09 AM   #17
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

uhm.. we... well i.. have doubts.. we have two.. and i feel like i couldn't be split another direction.. but then i see pictures of newborn and my heart gets tugged.. but then the thought of being pregnant or giving birth again is a pretty big deterrent. anyway i think we are done..but i am scared we're not. i want to be.. but i am not sure if its what "right" for us
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:00 AM   #18
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I totally understand what you are going through. Over the Christmas holidays we talked about it a lot. We know that if we have another, we will love it, it will be awesome, and our family will be great. BUT we also have a lot of concerns holding us back. Some of our stuff is totally stupid because you know you just make changes and adjust and everything works out, but you can't help thinking about everything. Like the 2 DDs we have now would have to share a room to make room for baby #3, we'd have to fit 3 across in my SUV or buy something new (we're almost done with these payments and DH is just getting a new car now so we don't want more payments), we want to be able to do fun traveling (hard with an infant), we are trying to get healthier and lose weight, DH does some really cool stuff with work that I don't get to be a part of when I'm preggers or with a young baby, we have no family help close by and babysitters for 2 kids is hard enough to find and afford let alone for 3 kids, and really the list of little details goes on. BUT I know that all that can works itself out if we have another. It's just so confusing.

What it's come down to lately is that I feel I should be a making improvements to how I focus on my kids I already have so I don't really feel like adding a third into the mix is going to help me be a better mom. I just feel like I have so many shortcomings as a mother that I would have even more with a third. So maybe I should count my blessings and focus on being the best mom I can be to my 2 girls. Makes sense right? But my mind still wonders about a third sometimes.

When I hold a new little baby (my friends have a couple) I enjoy it, but I don't feel that longing in my heart like I did for the first two. I think they are warm and snuggly and cute, but the thought of going back to diapers, baby toys, bouncy seats, bottles or boob, learning to eat again, sleepless nights, etc just seems so far away or behind us like we'd be back tracking. So now I am leaning a little more towards feeling done.

Honestly, I just wish we'd get preggers unexpectedly so that the decision is out of our hands! LOL! Then maybe I'd really feel DONE.
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