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Old 06-18-2007, 07:18 PM   #11
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

i have to say that we are done for medical reason i had to fight back the TEARS every time i signed the paper work but i know deep down inside it was right for us to do not only for medical reasons but 4 is great for us me and dh are only childern so i think we did well

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Old 06-18-2007, 10:09 PM   #12
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

I knew I was done when DH got broken (or fixed as some would say).

We were in our mid and late 30s when we had our DD then it took 5 years to make DS. Those last 3 years of trying and all the dissapointments with every month getting a BFN was very stressful. The whole time DH was saying he would be happy not having anymore. But I really need to have at least 1 more so I promised him that it would be 1 more and no more after that.

DS is 9 months now and I have very mixed feelings about getting rid of all the baby things and maternity clothes. In my heart I would love to have one more but I know that after that one, I would still feel the same way. This has been the most special time in my life and I waited a long time to get here and will probably never be completely ready to let go of it. But it really isn't practical for us financially and agewise to keep having babies. Plus DH already got the V so it isn't going to happen. I will keep the most special baby things and take lots of photos and videos to remeber this very special time. Then try to look forward being able to get to do all the things that I put off doing while I have a baby.
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:22 PM   #13
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

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Do you want your marriage or another kiddo? If DH says he's done, and you want to keep DH, then you're done! You can't have a family if one of the team is resentful about another addition. I think it's better to resolve your feelings of wanting another than to convince DH to have another and then have the family strained , emotionally or financially, as a result.

Yes, some marriages are fortunate and the "extra" kiddo doesn't cause heartache, but why chance it?
I know I am a single mama so maybe my opinion doesn't carry as much weight here, but I think that was a little harsh.

You could say the same thing to her DH. "Do you want your marriage or another kiddo? If your wife says she wants another, then you have another! You can't have a family if one person is aching for another baby and feels incomplete."

See what I mean? Relationships are a compromise. You have to decide together what is best for everyone, one person doesn't get all the say.
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:36 PM   #14
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

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I knew I was done when I wasn't in tears when giving the maternity clothes and baby things away. I probably didn't help you, sorry!
Also my dh plans to get a vas and neither of us have any doubts about it at all.
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:40 PM   #15
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

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I know I am a single mama so maybe my opinion doesn't carry as much weight here, but I think that was a little harsh.

You could say the same thing to her DH. "Do you want your marriage or another kiddo? If your wife says she wants another, then you have another! You can't have a family if one person is aching for another baby and feels incomplete."

See what I mean? Relationships are a compromise. You have to decide together what is best for everyone, one person doesn't get all the say.
I agree
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:43 PM   #16
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

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I know I am a single mama so maybe my opinion doesn't carry as much weight here, but I think that was a little harsh.

You could say the same thing to her DH. "Do you want your marriage or another kiddo? If your wife says she wants another, then you have another! You can't have a family if one person is aching for another baby and feels incomplete."

See what I mean? Relationships are a compromise. You have to decide together what is best for everyone, one person doesn't get all the say.
ITA w/you.

I was done having kids biologically when I had to have a hyst. I've been more broken up about it recently since our adoption failed... I'm not sure if we'll have kids in the future now but if we do it will be via adoption.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:21 AM   #17
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

I think we've had this conversation before... and we both feel the same way! Well sorta! My dh likes to play mind games, neither of us would ever consider permanant sterilization right now, but are actively preventing pregnancy. We're giving it 3-4 more years and then we'll talk again.

I'm not sure who's dh is worse though. My dh goes back and forth, some days he is all for having another baby and when ppl ask if we're trying for #6 he had said on more than one occasion "Check back next year!" That's news to me! LOL Most of the time it's me oooooing and ahhhing over tiny babies or injustices in the world reguarding infertility and parents who truly desirve babies vs. those who don't and just kill theirs. It makes me sad to see this friend of a friend's baby who's parents don't have a car so they walk everywhere. That baby is always cold. I have given them bags of clothing, my friend even gave stuff to them as well and TONS of blankets. Baby gear too! The poor baby's fingernails are long and dirty, the baby is cold to the touch and his bald little head is cold! It just makes me so sad that if we had another baby, life wouldn't be as hard as it is for that baby. Do we have room in our hearts and homes for another child? Of course we do. Are there enough hours in a day to get it all done sometimes?? Nope! And honestly, that keeps me from wanting to really TTC more than most things. I am forever doing laundry... if I had another in CDs... more baby clothes... I don't know if *I* could handle it right now physically.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:27 AM   #18
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

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How did you know? I was going through my maternity clothes tonight(at DH's request)deciding what to do with it all and I was completely in tears. I know now I want a big family,but DH feels like we're done.
How did you know you were done?
I sooo go through the same thing, well DH and I both do. Neither of us really
feels like we are done, but we don't feel an insatiable urge for another either, we agreed to leave it in God's hands for the time being, but it's still plagues me every now and then.

sorry for the long run on......
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:36 AM   #19
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Re: S/O If your Family Is Complete

Can't help ya there...I have wanted 3 kids for a LONG time..but DH says our 2 boys are IT! He wants to get a V and I am SOOO against it...and I definatly won't get my tubes tied unless it is medically necessary. Oh, I am 20 and DH will be 27 in Sept. So we are too young to make that decision, IMO. What if we *he* change our minds later on? A reversal for either is very hard and not always successful.

I keep saying "I want a girl" but then again, I am quite content with my 2 boys! I would be content with just the 2 of them, I suppose..but just the thought of being "done" having babies makes me sad!

Then again, I wouldn't have to have swollen feet/hands again...
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