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Old 06-25-2009, 01:46 AM   #11
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Re: "Surely you are going to put them in school NOW!"

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Originally Posted by Duckduckfish View Post
Hello! I'm a lurker but I thought I would chime in here. I do not have kids yet (one on the way), so I can't say anything about the homeschooling. But to me, and I'm guessing others who don't have 4 kids and another coming with a high-risk pregnancy, it just seems like a lot to handle. Perhaps the nosy neighbors/co-workers are not trying to be mean or tread on your personal space...maybe they just want to know how you do it all.

It seems with all the new reality shows featuring families with multiples that the general public is fascinated how large families make it work. It seems impossible to get everything done in a day with one or two kids, but 5??? Maybe they are not trying to 'force' you to change your habits, maybe they just want to know how you do it all??? And so instead of being like 'how can you handle all that?' they instead ask 'are you going to put them in ps?' just to get the conversation started in that direction.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is not get defensive about it, share your knowledge and expertise with others and let them know your choices and reasons why. You might just find that they are curious and not opposing your hs choice. Perhaps they secretly want to do it too but just don't know how to start or how to do it all. For example::: What do you do with a toddler and baby while you are trying to teach multiplication and division??? Are they right there on your hip or naptime or what? How do you teach cursive if it's feeding time for the baby? People who don't hs don't know how it works. (maybe e1 else knows..and I've been left out.)

And if that's not the case, why on earth would you want a child to change school for only three months anyways? Not only are you uprooting their lives for a few months with moving, but then to have them just getting used to a new school to leave it again? What would that accomplish at all? That's what I would ask the people who are advising you to put them in ps for that short period of time. Even when children are in ps, it's not advised to change schools for such a short period. And since your children's school moves with them, why change?

I completely see your point here. I am pretty good at discerning when someone is well intentioned and just curious or if I am striking a nerve. I find that for whatever reason, some are offended by the fact that we have a large family or homeschool or both. I can count on 1 hand the number of dh's co-workers (we see them a lot since we live in a small town) that showed genuine happiness for us with this pregnancy. I was more often met with comments of "Do you know how this happens?" or "How many kids are you going to have?" etc. I honestly have a great sense of humor but find the personal comments very rude at times, especially when sitting at a table full of people I barely know. One person came right out and asked if we were planning this pregnancy. I answered with "Hey, what can I say, there is a lot of love in our house". This was a woman I have met 1 other time.

I have come across a lot of people who just ask how we do it day to day. I welcome those questions. I do not find them offensive at all. I often ask moms who work out of the home how they come home and do homework, cook dinner and shuttle their kids to practices how they do it. I honestly think I would lose my mind after having been out of the house all day to come home to pure chaos until bedtime. Usually my chaos winds down when dh gets home.

I guess what leaves me puzzled is if people thought about how their comments/advice sound to me, if I turned it around on them, it might come out like "How can you trust the public schools with your children all day? I could never do that!" or something along those lines. (I am not slamming anyone else's school choices, just saying that to me that is equivalent.) Most would probably be pretty offended.

I completely agree w/your comment on why would you want to put your kids in a new school for 3 months. Even if my kids were in ps, I would probably hs them just to minimize the stress and chaos for those 3 months. I know plenty of non-hsing military families that do this just to finish out a school year if they are uprooted before the school year is out. Whatever our lifestyle choices are, this to me is just looking out for the children.

Thanks for your perspective. I probably do tend to get a little more defensive than I should just b/c there have been so many times that I have been on the receiving end of negative comments. One thing I don't want to do is come across as hostile b/c that will never improve the situation (although sometimes it just makes me feel better ).

Happy Thursday!

Shelley

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Old 06-25-2009, 09:40 AM   #12
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Re: "Surely you are going to put them in school NOW!"

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Originally Posted by dsccwhiz View Post
I was more often met with comments of "Do you know how this happens?" or "How many kids are you going to have?" etc. I honestly have a great sense of humor but find the personal comments very rude at times, especially when sitting at a table full of people I barely know. One person came right out and asked if we were planning this pregnancy. I answered with "Hey, what can I say, there is a lot of love in our house".

Shelley
I actually know how you feel on this point (but from the other side of the spectrum). I dated my dh for 5 yrs before marriage, and we have waited over 3 yrs to start a family. For some reason, strangers think they can just ask completely personal questions as just 'small talk.' I have found that most of them are just trying to find something to chat about so they would ask me 'so why haven't you started a family yet' as if something is wrong with us not having kids. Which to most people that question would probably seem ok to ask, I feel it is an attack on my personal choice and the way I've chosen to live my life. It makes me think that people only believe you should get married so you can pop out legitimate kids!

I suppose since these are ppl that you barely know, perhaps it is them trying to just small chat. I would definitely try to make them uncomfortable though for asking those questions!! If someone says, 'is this pregnancy planned?' Say, 'well of course, why wouldn't it have been?' with the most puzzled look on your face as if they are crazy to think otherwise!

And if someone asks why you homeschool, I would def. have a short answer ('My kids enjoy not being shuttled around from school to school every time we move and I know if they are learning and what" or whatever your reasons are) and then turn the tables on them. Ask them why they choose ps for their children. Hey, if it wasn't too personal for them to question your way of life, why would it be offensive to them if you question theirs?

I think it is great that you have such a large family and you choose to hs. You should be proud of the choices in your life and the positive effects those choices have had on your children. People you barely know will always comment on your family size just because you are living outside of what is considered mainstream or 'the norm.' And I think that may be were all the negativity comes from when these strangers ask you about your choices. It's because you go against everything they've been taught to believe is the 'right way' to do things. Because I don't know about the people in your small town but in mine, people do things because that's they way they are suppose to do them. It's like they don't realize there is a choice until someone living outside the box shoves it in their face.
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