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Old 09-24-2009, 01:21 PM   #1
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SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

Okay, I already feel like some of you mamas are going to blow me out of the water, particularly you WAHMies, but I just am starting feel like I have too much on my plate.

Besides the regular house hold duties, cooking, cleaning and taking care of DS I am also responsible for paying all our bills, getting groceries, hauling all our trash and recycling, mowing our 5 acre yard and weedeating, feeding our horses and any other tasks that have to do with our home.

I've already told DH that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to mow anymore; bouncing on a mower + 4m pregnant = got to pee every 15 minutes. Plus, it literally takes me two days to complete during DS nap time.

I don't know, I'm starting to feel a little begrudgingly towards DH when he gets to come in, eat his dinner and then relax while I'm still trying to clean the kitchen, get DS ready for bed and any other task left unfinished. Yet then I feel guilty, b/c he works 11-12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week; why shouldn't he get to come home and relax?

Ugh, so you think I should ask DH to help me out or am I just whining and need to suck it up?


SAHM , happily married to DH since 4/05; Mommy to our little Doodles 2/08, my VBAC babies 3/10 and 4/12.
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:31 PM   #2
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

I don't mow, never will. Thats DH's job. You have every right to ask for some help. Guess what you work 12+ hours a day, he can mow the lawn once a week, it wont hurt him.
My DH likes to come home and prop. his feet up and relax too, while I run around doing every thing else. Sometimes it annoys me, and sometimes it doesn't. When it does I decided to just stop doing everything and sit down too. I discoved that dishes can wait till the morning. So once a week I treat myself to the same thing. We now have a family night that neither of us do work, just play with the kids. It makes things much more relaxing and enjoyable.
"The Lord is good a stronghold in the day of trouble and He knoweth them that trust in him" Nahum 1:7 Married to a wonderful man and mom of 4 princess angels: A(9) and K(6) (TJ my angel with Jesus ) and C(1)
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:40 PM   #3
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

Lawn duties have ALWAYS been DH's job.. whether I'm SAHM or working. It's just his job. As well as taking out the garbage. I do everything else pretty much. I think that's fair.
You should definitely ask DH to do the mowing at the very least.
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:42 PM   #4
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

We have a general rule that once DH is home and relaxing, I do too. Dinner dishes wait until morning, and we spend the evenings as a family together. Then on the weekends we take one day off to just do family stuff, and then the other day is spent with both of us doing things around the house; takes less time and energy with two working! DH usually mows the lawn but I enjoy doing outside work so sometimes I'll do it if I have time, he takes out the trash on trash-day morning when he's on his way out the door to work, and he does his own laundry since his work clothes require special attention. I recognize that he works long hard days away from home, and he recognizes that I work long hard days at home. Being more lax about the housework waiting until morning, and taking one weekend day off have helped a lot with feeling like there's no time to just relax and rest.
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:42 PM   #5
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

I do all the inside stuff normally, but there are some weekends that dh will pitch in and help scrub the floors and move stuff around while I vaccuum. Dh generally does the outside stuff, but sometimes I don't mind push-mowing the yard while dh watches the kids. It's actually a nice break because no one bothers me when I mow. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it whether you are a SAHM, a WAHM, or a WOHM. None of us can do it all no matter how hard we try.
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:50 PM   #6
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

Wow, that's a lot for you to handle! I work full time out of the home but even I don't mow. That's something DH can do. He also takes out the trash.

You should definitely ask for more help. If he refuses to mow, then have him help with laundry or dishes.

The things I do:
care for our son from 4:45 pm until I leave for work at 7:30 am
care for our son all weekend long since DH is working
weed the garden
sort the recycling and put it out on the street

I do a lot and I begrudge DH for it at times. Grudge is not a good thing to have in a marriage, mama!
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:04 PM   #7
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

Well, we homeschool so I take care of four kids all day. I do all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning. Hubby does the outside stuff like chop wood, mow, weed eat and the major garden work. I do some garden work but my spine is fused so I can't do much heavy stuff.
We do the shopping together because I don't drive. He takes care of the bills. He usually takes out the garbage but lately he hasn't so I make one of the kids do it.

He has more relaxation time when he comes home but I have more during the day when he is still at work. (like right now I'm sitting here eating ice cream while the kids are outside , he's over at the bank laying brick ) It still kind of irritates me though when he sits while I'm running around in the evenings getting everyone ready for bed.
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For there to be peace at home there must be peace in the heart. ~Lao Tzu
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:05 PM   #8
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

I do all of the inside the house duties. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, main caretaker of the kids I do the books and errands for my husbands company. I babysit one little guy who's 16 months 2-4 days a week and I have a prosperous business that keeps me fairly busy. On the upside my oldest is in school full time, my middle goes 2 or 3 full days a week depending on the week and I have the luxury of taking my daycare child with me anywhere I need to go so i am never tied down at home. I also take the kids to TaeKwon Do and do most of the swimming lessons and soccer when in session.

DH does all of the outside the house duties, any household repairs, works, fixes my van when/if needed. Oh and he has a job outside the house that keeps him busy upto 60 hours a week.

In the summer I will help with yardwork if I feel like it but am never expected to. I love cutting the grass though so I try to do it whenever I can, which isn't often ...I NEVER do outside work in the winter. DH even sweeps the snow off my car and shovels a path to and around it in the mornings after snowfall and he makes sure the drive stays plowed even if it means he has to do it before going to work in the morning.

We both pay the bills....just depends who gets to it first. I do the grocery shopping/meal planning and cooking, but we both go to Costco together.....He's not allowed to set foot in Costco alone. If he does he comes home with Dog Food, Corndogs, Chicken wings, Garlic Coil and a brick of cheese. Spends $300 and then wonders why I can't cook supper for the next two weeks.

When he gets home from work he is the main caretaker for the older kids. He does most of the bedtime routine. We never planned it this way it's just sort of how it works for us.

I still manage to find time to sit and do nothing, play on the computer, knit, craft for me, etc... I am a crazy planner so I organize our days to flow a certain way and maximize the use of our time so that we do get free time.
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:09 PM   #9
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

DH mows, takes out the garbage (though he usually has to reminded to do those), and does the majority of DS's bedtime routine, but more and more of that has been falling on me since he went back to school.
I do everything else, housework, bill paying, appt. scheduling/attending, gifts/parties, home and car maintenance, cooking, shopping, etc... He will do specific tasks if I ask, but rarely does something simply because it needs to be done. When he was working only 40hrs a week it bugged the p*ss out of me, but now that he's so busy I let it slide.
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:11 PM   #10
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Re: SAHMs: How much are you repsonsible for??

I totally understand how you feel! I have 4 kids. 3 girls and 1 year old baby boy, I am still nursing, heavily at night. So I get very little sleep. I am also homeschooling my 3 girls, CD, make my own bread, food, dishes are my girls job, i do the laundry, clean, with help from my girls, have a business as well as a million other things. I don't mow unless my husband hasnt done it in so long it is embarrasing, but that isnt often.
I have started having to do the trash, which bugs me. And i was raised in a house where the boys always did that. And at the end of the day i am so exhausted when my husband walks in, eats and then goes up stairs to watch tv. I want to say, MY TURN! ROFL! However, I can't, becuase my husband has been working since 5:30 am and he needs his time off too! So I get where you are coming from! We as mommies are asked to do a lot. I love it when people say, oh what do you do? And I say I am a SAHM. And they look at me like i have no job. That is so comical to me. Becuase being a SAHM is not a full time job, it is a 24 hour a day, on call, with no breaks, vacations, or pay. Don't get me wrong, it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, but it is so much more than a 9-5 job. Go to this site and plug in your numbers and see what you are worth
Anyway, 1 thing you might want to think about is that when you are pregnant it isnt good for you to bouncing around like that. I would as my doctor if you should even be doing the mowing. I personally wouldn't do it. But that is up to you. I also think that you should talk to your husband and tell him your feelings and get him to do the mowing if possible. Because us mama's need some time to ourselves too. And if all you have is the time when your son is asleep, but you are spending that on the lawn then you need to think about getting some time for you! Good Luck and God Bless!
Becky SAH- Home schoolin of 4! Girl 2000, Girl 2002, Girl 2005, Boy 2008
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