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Old 10-24-2012, 10:09 AM   #1
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Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

I cannot WAIT until DD can go into the daycare around the corner from us. Hopefully, she'll go into their "Pre-K classroom" by the time she turns 3. We had to find a new sitter in July b/c our previous sitter didn't want to do FT care over the summer & it was hard for her to accommodate the hours we needed...plus she had 6 dogs & was so busy w/ her own & her kids' stuff that they were always on the road & eating at McD's multiple times per week.

So I found a new sitter; she's at home w/ her boys, who are a little older & a little younger than DD. She has a Master's Degree in an education-related field; she has extensive experience working w/ families before she had kids. Great option, right? Except she has no patience for DD (who, admittedly, is intense & pretty naughty at times) & DD's behavior has gotten so much worse since she started at the new place (maybe a result of the change, maybe the new DC itself, maybe developmental). But...the sitter's oldest boy is kind of a bully. I mean, they bicker & fight over toys like little kids do. There's 1yr 2mos between them & they're about the same size. They argue & have tantrums over who gets to open the door first, who sits in what chair, things like that. I can handle that. But I've watched him, when his mother's back is turned, walk across the room, smack his little brother in the back of the head, then smack DD in the back of the head. The her YDS gets picked up & cuddled b/c he's crying. DD gets chastised for whining. And her ODS gets to sit on the couch & watch TV. A couple weeks ago, the ODS bit DD through her shirt hard enough to bruise her & break the skin. Just in the last few days, he's taken to "hugging" DD as soon as she walks through the door...except it's a bear hug & DD can't move. Yesterday, her tried to "help her take her coat off." THat really looked like him pinning her hands behind her back & pushing her to the ground, very much like an episode of COPS. And then DD gets in trouble for whining! She hasn't pushed back while I've been there, though she has been rough w/ the infant DCP watches occasionally. It's only around things like this that I wish I could SAH. I like having a job, I like my job most days...but it's getting increasingly hard to leave DD there And this was the best of the local providers I could find...I already drive 15 mi out of my way (each way) to use this DCP! GAH!

Vent over!

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Old 10-24-2012, 11:14 AM   #2
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

What about a daycare center where she can be with kids all her own age?
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:54 AM   #3
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

She's been on the waitlist at the one around the corner from us & that's what we're hoping for...beyond that, a center would take me at least 20 mi out of my way, maybe more, & they all have extensive waiting lists. There are a number of certified & non-certified home DCPs around here, but they're either full, only want to work until 4pm, smoke, don't have reasonable space for napping, etc., already watch 52 kids, or they're tweaked b/c we're a S/S couple (sad, but true; now I just ask upfront if it's a problem).
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:03 PM   #4
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

Quote:
Originally Posted by carriek38 View Post
, or they're tweaked b/c we're a S/S couple (sad, but true; now I just ask upfront if it's a problem).
What the french toast? When DS2 came along, I visited every DCP in our nearest 3 towns and what I saw was enough to make me sick. I even reported a few for stuff that grossly negligent - fire hazard, hoarding situation, unverified/unregistered "assistant" who wasn't very mobile.

The last DCP I found was awesome and we stuck with her for a long time until her home situation started to affect her being able to watch the kids. We both WOH so I know how stressful it is to only a) to leave b) to leave when you are sure your kid isn't happy

I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer hugs.
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:16 PM   #5
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!



Do you maybe have some SAHM friends?

I only ask b/c I am a SAHM and I get asked a lot if I would babysit other ppl's kids since I am home all day and I do have kids of my own. Personally, I always decline b/c it is hectic enough here, and I really don't care to have to discipline another person's kid, or worry about whether I am living up to their parent's expectations, but I have done it here and there for friends in a bind, and will do it again, I am sure.

I know your average SAHM isn't certified and doesn't have a degree, blah blah. But sometimes, IMO, experience is the best teacher, and you'd be able to look at their own children to see how they parent....

So maybe you could do something like that?

Just tossing it out there.... Big hugs. I hope you get into the daycare you really want soon!!! That bully kid sounds awful. And the DCP sounds really inattentive and oblivious to her own kid's bad behaviors. Ugh. When I watch any friend's kids, I am always harder on my own than them, b/c I don't ever want my kids to think they can boss them around, or get away with stuff.... but that's besides the point.

Hope everything works out, mama.
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:44 PM   #6
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

Oh man, I hear you. I had some daycare drama this last summer. Being a working mom has it's own set of problems, then add in problems with daycare and, WHOOP, major mommy guilt.

Are you thinking of looking for a new daycare while you wait on the waiting list?

Quick story - when I had my first kid almost 5 years ago I was looking for daycare. I found, literally, 2 home daycares in town taking infants. It had been a HUGE year for babies and my kid came at the tail end of the boom, so care was hard to find (and centers were waaaaay out of our price range).

Anyhow, I had these 2 interviews. The first one was at a really messy house with a teeny tiny designated daycare area. But the woman's personality and clear love of children were definite pluses, though. I went to the 2nd interview and this lady was suffering a migraine, but still offered to do the interview. On top of the fact that she never once interacted with my baby and she said she doesn't discipline naughty kids, she got up in the middle of the interview to PUKE. It was horrible. I was going to bolt without saying goodbye but waited politely until she was done. And this lady had the nerve to call me the next day to see if I was interested!! Um, no. I went with the messy house daycare. Anyhow, I know it's just an anecdote, but I thought I could relate to how difficult it is to find care sometimes.
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Old 10-24-2012, 01:32 PM   #7
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Re: Vent--decent day care is hard to find!

Boy, do I feel your pain... We finally settled for a young girl we found on Care.com who is fairly inexperienced, but could handle the hours and the pay we were offering and is pretty flexible...plus she was willing to watch the kids at our house (which seemed great, because at least I knew they were somewhere safe and clean, kwim?). She does ok with the kids but she seems a little dense on some basic things - the THIRD DAY she had them she left the house and took them to her apartment. Eeek! She has also flooded our dishwasher with suds by putting hand soap in it and running it, she got fingerpaint on the wall and tried to take it off with something really abrasive, thus ruining the paint on the wall, my son puked once and she didn't bother to clean it up off the floor, etc. But I looked EVERYWHERE, and she actually was the best, it was insane. And our son has special needs so that made it twice as hard, because most centers aren't equipped to "handle" him. Sigh....I really wish I could be a SAHM too most of the time.

I hope your DD can get in to the center nearby! I'm not sure I would want my child to be around a bully like that much longer.
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