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Old 08-01-2010, 03:18 PM   #1
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Miraculous Christmas update to an old post: Living with a manic depressive sil

UPDATE!!!! God gave me a gift on Christmas this year and it was a miracle!!! This is the post I made about how awful it was living with my brother and sister in law and wanted to update you who prayed for me. God delivered me Christmas morning from this awful situation!!!!


After pleading with my husband for us to leave, I resorted to praying daily to God to deliver me from that house. I had prayer partners praying hard as well. Well.... this Christmas morning I woke up with my husband busting angrily through our bedroom door saying, "We're leaving!" On Christmas morning, he and his sister got into a fight and she kicked us out of her house!!!! YEAH!!! Yes, she actually kicked a husband, wife, newborn and two children out of their home on Christmas morning but, do you know, God made her crazy enough to free me from her house. My husband wasn't able to break away so God had to do it for us. She is very rude, but I believe God made her crazy enough to do this to us. The fact that it was Christmas is just God's fingerprint to show me it was Him and a gift to me!!! I always joked saying that for Christmas all I want is to be out of that house (I said it to myself and God) and He did that for me!!! Then hours later that day a friend called us (note: we did not call him) and told us we can live in his rental house for free! Just at the perfect time. Isn't God good!
I am so happy but am fighting feelings of being hurt (weird huh). We got kicked out of the house and the whole family still met there using our toys, food, pots pans, blankets, etc knowing we had just been kicked out and homeless and alone (we had eachother and that is it). Then I hear his sister at the party talked so bad about me to everyone and said my husband would be better off without me. Wow. I am soo happy we are out of there but I am also in a healing phase. My heart feels tired and raw and I feel so beat up. But I keep thanking the Lord that this war is over and He is the reason for this victory.
Thank you for your prayers.

This is the old post. Since this post, treatment got worse and the living situation got worse for me. But we serve an awesome God!

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG, I NEED TO GET IT OUT!

We are living with my single mother, sister in law at the moment who is raising a newly turned 5 year old, due to losing our house and getting back on our feet. She offered her place to my husband (her brother) and invited us in. We never asked her. Anyway, it's tough, very tough. We are bible believers and try to do what the bible says in all situations. So I am seeking wise council and prayer.
My sister-in-law (SIL) is probably a manic depressant in my opinion and as hard as that is to deal with, she's got a kid who I feel is very neglected and I feel sil attacks me as well (insecure, jealous, simply unhappy, who knows). Anyway, I have a 1 1/2 y.o., 4y.o and am due in 2 months. I stay home, clean the house, run errands, do laundry and prepare for the baby as well as homeschool our 4 year old. I am super busy.
My sil works 6 days a week, is a hoarder, extremely messy, dirty, angry all the time, sleeps a lot, etc. The first week I was there, she came in from work at 7 pm, didn't say a word to me, shut all the windows in the house, curled up in a ball on the sofa and fell asleep. Yes, her 4 year old at the time was wide awake looking at me. Since then, she comes home all the time, doesn't say a word to me, goes straight to her room and passes out until morning! I have to or get to watch her daughter, feed her dinner and I end up falling asleep before her around 10pm worried about her. I feel very taken advantaged of and unappreciated by this. My SIL never says thank you. In the morning when I'm up watching her daughter again, feeding her, etc. she barks, "Let's go" and off they go. I never get a thank you for taking care of my kid, or let me watch yours one night so you can get a nap (I'm 8 months pregnant!), In fact, I get insultated, like she'll look at what I fed her daughter for breakfast and tell her daughter, "Ask me before you eat anything" very rudely, like I'm giving her daughter bad food?? She even told my husband she hates that her daughter eats what I give her and now she has to give me $$ for it and her daughter likes my food better (her daughter just likes food, b/c she never feeds her). BTW, she's never given me $$ and we are very broke.
Anyway, today she asked why I put a child lock on her paint drawer. I told her it was because my 20 month old is getting into it and almost painted all over her sofa. She insinuated that I don't 'train' my children good enough and that I should. I feel like ripping her a new one, but we have to live here and I'm striving for peace until we can leave. Honestly, how is she training her child by leaving her alone all the time??
Like I said, I'm a christian and anger and bitterness is not good to have and I am fighting it BIG TIME! It is robbing my peace. I don't even know how to handle it. I've talked to my husband about it but he works and leaves the house. I'm here all the time and deal with her more. At the end of the day, I'm exhausted and I get one more kid added to my list of 'duties' without pay or even appreciation.
I'm actually very mad at the fact that I witness a little girl being neglected. It really breaks my heart. I've seen her daughter in the same outfit for two full days and I've never seen her really long hair brushed, not once! Then I feel so taken advantaged of and mistreated. She's even told me her rules of, "I don't talk in the morning. And sometimes I go through phases where I won't talk for days, And, You'll figure it out." Like I want to figure out the behavior of a manic depressant. Actually, is manic depressant a code word for being extremely lazy and selfish??? She is christian, volunteers at her church and is extremely legalistic, daughter can't play with any princess toys, Barbies and a whole long list of other stupid things. Like any of that will keep someone out of heaven? So, I've had to throw away Barbies and hide some of my girls things, which I've done without complaining.
Please give me advice or just keep me in your prayers. I'm due soon and cry about this a lot. I need the peace of God in this situation. It's a 'daily' irritant I deal with. I feel God is telling me to keep giving, show the example like Jesus did and Jesus even died for us when we weren't acting right. I want to keep 'serving' her but I'm having a hard time! I haven't said anything mean to her (we've been here for 4 months), just feel very abused. Lately, I've been hiding myself and the kids in our room from 7pm on every night and that is no way to live!
I just need help, thanks! Or some funny story you have to lift my spirits...

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Last edited by Designsbybequi; 12-26-2010 at 06:37 PM. Reason: update
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Old 08-01-2010, 03:31 PM   #2
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

I am so sorry you are going through this! It would be difficult under any circumstances, but so much more while being pregnant. I have no advice, but I am praying for you and the situation.
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Old 08-01-2010, 09:39 PM   #3
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

Thank you!
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Old 08-03-2010, 02:45 AM   #4
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

Do you and your DH have an exit strategy?
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:01 PM   #5
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

It sounds like she's just uncomfortable with you guys living with her, but felt like she needed to offer. Personally, I'd be happy that she's exchanging childcare for a few hours for having an entire family move in with her for four months. I'm not saying that to be ugly, but to try to put it into perspective so when you get stressed out or start having negative thoughts about her, you can remember she is making sacrifices for your family that many wouldn't. I know living with others is not an ideal situation and especially when you have different views on child-rearing.
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Old 08-11-2010, 03:05 PM   #6
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

Wlillie, yeah, thank you. I've been praying a lot lately and have found some peace. I think neither of us are extremely happy to be in the situation. We are soo opposite in almost everything. There are pros and cons for both of us. My husband is doing some major home improvements that are needed (like roofwork/exterminating/painting, etc. since she's a single mom and can't really do these things). Our kids play which is a benefit to them. After praying a lot, seems she is trying harder to watch her daughter. When she naps, she naps in the living room instead of closing her bedroom door. So, last time, it was about 9:30pm and I asked her daughter if she has eaten anything (I knew she hadn't). She immediately got up and said, "I'll cook her something." That's a first. I was so surprised! I just thank God! I was able to relax a bit instead of feed her daughter. It wasn't until 10:30pm until the food was done for her daughter but I decided to not let it worry me anymore. She isn't my daughter. I think I need to stop enabling as well and stop being so ready to step in. The other night, she even stayed up and read to her daughter on the sofa instead of sleep, so prayers are definitely working!! I'm also teaching her daughter how to clean up so when I do get all of them, they all know that before bedtime, we are all cleaning together. Not just me! That has helped so much! Now, her daughter helps a lot more. I do appreciate what you said and I realize she's not super happy we're here too.

Our exit plan is have baby: due in 2 months, reeval our financial situation and hopefully be able to move out soon. We are unable to save anything right now. But God can fix that! I guess there's something we all need to learn here right now.
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Old 08-30-2010, 01:56 AM   #7
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

I think God put you there to be a blessing to her 5 yr old daughter. She needed love and attention and food. Try to do it with an open kind hearted heart. If you start making lists or keeping track of wrongs that is not Gods way: do unto others as you would have done to you, and forgive me my trespasses as I forgive others. Also a psychological fact or two: if you start doing unprovoked kind deeds for another person they will feel loved and in time return your kindnesses and feel more loving towards you. She a single mom who gets home at 7 pm exhausted from work, working a ghastly 6 days a week to make ends meet and has no one to be her companion/confider. Plus people feel what you are putting out there (i.e negativity).You do have a lot to be thankful for: happy kids, happy husband, roof over your head,and food on the table. If she is not feeding her child until late she may just be having low blood sugar herself. Try not to compare your mothering skills with hers. She does sound passive agressive which is hard to deal with and saying out loud she sometimes doesn't talk for days sounds like a passive aggressive way to say "try to make yourself invisible". Maybe she feels like if she behaves badly you guys will be forced to make other arrangements, but God is blessing her too by you being there whether she knows it or not. She may be envious of you. Most people I know would love to be home with their kids with a husband being the breadwinner. She has no one to lean on, but you do. I think you should brush her daughters hair, always make sure to make enough food for everyone, and bring some joy/laughter into the home. This is what God would want. I am sure of it. No good deed goes unrewarded. I do know that you must be emotionally and psychically exhausted with three little ones in the house and one of the way, with a very stressful living environment so please know that my prayers are with you. Praying for the sunshine in your life.
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Old 09-03-2010, 04:45 PM   #8
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Re: HELP! Need Godly advice/prayers about living with my sister-n-law, possible manic

Thank you! I needed to read that. I am finding a lot more peace and actually doing the extra work with no anger! The anger was getting unbearable and now when I have to clean up after them, I no longer feel that. So that is an answer to a prayer. I keep repeating to myself, 'I work for God, not people, and He is rewarding me, not them." Then I focus on all that He is giving me. Seems to be really helping. I see no change on my s-i-laws end, but it doesn't matter anymore. I got over waiting for her to change or trying to make her change. I just serve the Lord by serving her and her daugther. Maybe that's why I'm here. There is always a lesson God wants us to learn and even though this one is tough, I need to pass it!!! We can't live life expecting rewards from this world, only from Him. I think He wanted me to get to that point. Thank you for your message. I really needed to hear it.
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Old 12-26-2010, 06:32 PM   #9
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Re: Miraculous Christmas update to an old post: Living with a manic depressive sil

Updating to tell those who prayed for me about the miracle that happened for me Christmas morning!!! God is great!!
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Old 12-26-2010, 06:43 PM   #10
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Re: Miraculous Christmas update to an old post: Living with a manic depressive sil

Glad things worked out for you but I am kinda saddened but the fact that you are thankful that god made her "crazy"

If your SIL does suffer from Bipolar, maybe reading up and getting a better understanding of it would be beneficial.

Maybe you were in the situation for that little girl. To show her what it feels like to be loved, care for, what a family should look like.

I know that this situation is still "raw" for you but I hope that someday, you can look at it, see the blessings in it and develop some compassion for your SIL.
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Last edited by mycdsqueaker; 12-26-2010 at 06:48 PM.
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