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Old 05-22-2017, 04:58 PM   #1
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Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

We moved recently to a newly built home, which we love. The issue I'm having is that people see my new home as a dumping ground for all their unwanted things.

Someone will say, "I have an old couch in my garage. You should take it."
Or someone's loved on passed and, "We're cleaning out their house through plenty of stuff for you to take."
Or, " Blank is moving, they don't want X."

How do I make this stop!?

Part of it is that people know we moved to a very large home (from a condo), so they think we need to fill it ASAP. As much as I politely decline, it doesn't stop. I have even had to explain that we have a budget for new furniture, and we want to take time to find the right pieces that fit our style and decor esthetic. Frankly, I shouldn't have to explain any of it, my choices, or why I'm willing to wait, but I do it to decline for the millionth time, and give insight that we have other plans. It doesn't seem to matter, and I'm getting rather frustrated.

It's the same few people (my mother included) that just keep at it. How many times can I say no, decline, not interested, etc. before people get the point?

Please help!

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Old 05-22-2017, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

"Yes, sure, thank you so much." Have dh drop it at goodwill and take the tax deduction. 😉
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Old 05-22-2017, 06:43 PM   #3
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

You are going to have to be rude. If you have been polite and the same people are still not getting the point, you are going to have to say, "No. I don't want it." If they keep on, say louder, "No. I don't want it."
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Old 05-22-2017, 06:44 PM   #4
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

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Originally Posted by abh5e8 View Post
"Yes, sure, thank you so much." Have dh drop it at goodwill and take the tax deduction.


I would not ask my DH to haul someone else's crap off.
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Old 05-22-2017, 06:50 PM   #5
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

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Originally Posted by abh5e8 View Post
"Yes, sure, thank you so much." Have dh drop it at goodwill and take the tax deduction. 😉
Seems like that could be awkward, at least with her Mom. "Where did you put the _____?" "Well...."
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Old 05-22-2017, 07:51 PM   #6
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My family was the same way when I moved from a tiny condo to a full size house. There were some things I did take and appreciate, which I think made things confusing for some people, but I had to learn to just say no. I didn't even try to be polite..if someone asked "Do you want xxx?" and I didn't want it, they got a quick "Nope. Thanks."

No explanations, no trying to save hurt feelings, etc. My house is not a dumping ground and I don't want crap you're getting rid of just so you feel less guilty about giving something away. As I said, there were a few times I did take something, but those times were so rare. I would rather actively seek out something I need than be guilted into taking something that isn't perfect for what I need/want.
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Old 05-22-2017, 08:19 PM   #7
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

Ok... For your mom how about "thanks so much. We don't really need a purple Paisley chaise for the family room, but since you said you are finished with it, I'd be happy to drop it by goodwill later this week. I know someone will be thrilled to buy it."

I have used this line a ton with my own mother. Bless her heart. She is a borderline hoarder and now tries to get my sister and I to take her treasures. I learned to be direct as she would ask the same question pp mentioned. " Oh where is that xyz I gave you?"

Although for everyone except my mom, I assume a gift if any kind is just that. A gift! For us to use and enjoy and pass on as soon as we like. For my mom, I actually think it helps her for us to take things to the thrift store for her.

But I agree with the pps. A simple "no thanks" is all you need to say. If it's furniture and they persist, you could also give them the number of a local charity that offers furniture pick up.

I actually dont mind people asking/offering things, as eventually I find some treasures. But if keep asking you to take the same purple Paisley chaise, that is annoying. I've also perfected my "no thanks." 😁
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Old 05-22-2017, 10:07 PM   #8
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Thank you all for your replies. I particularly like the offer to take it to Goodwill, haha!

I'm guessing people assume that since we didn't sell the other property, that we "need stuff". I think mostly there's a disconnect between "we bought our first house" and "we just had our new house built". I grew up in a major city, so it's really unlike what most people have experienced. I watched my aunts jaw drop when my dad made a joke about it being a modestly sized 4,000 SqFt house. In reality, normal furniture looks like dollhouse furniture in a real life room here, so none of it would work anyway. The rooms are more than generously sized (ex: 27'x16' great room) and require custom furniture (we've already commissioned a 13.5'x11' couch).

We've also been extremely private about the move, and we have not allowed any posting of pictures on Facebook. At least, I can answer that with, we don't post much on Facebook.

Thanks for the added guidance and confirming that a flat "no" should be enough.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:50 AM   #9
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

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Seems like that could be awkward, at least with her Mom. "Where did you put the _____?" "Well...."
Easy way out of this one....

We donated (passed it on) to someone that needed it and had a decor to match.


The rule I go by....once you give it to someone, you have no grounds to say what they do with it. I have done this with tons of crap (I mean treasures) my inlaws have given us.
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Old 08-26-2018, 04:41 PM   #10
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Re: Saying "No, Thank You" isn't working!

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Originally Posted by MamaChirpy View Post
You are going to have to be rude. If you have been polite and the same people are still not getting the point, you are going to have to say, "No. I don't want it." If they keep on, say louder, "No. I don't want it."
I mostly agree with this one, except I wouldn't necessary say "rude," but firm. There have been plenty of times where my mom has insisted something over and over despite my polite declines, so finally I'm like, "MOM! I already said no, stop asking me." or something like that.

Since she knows I'm trying to simplify, if she says "Oh, do you want this?" I might actually groan and say "NO! I don't want anymore stuff!" There's a way to make it more on the "nice" side, maybe being comical and rolling your eyes or injecting humor so it softens the blow.

But yes, stand your ground. Maybe make a sign and hold it up? Hehe.

I actually think the fact that it's the same people over and over almost makes it easier, because you're more justified in NOT re-stating your reasons and giving a blunt response.
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