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Old 12-09-2017, 06:18 PM   #11
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

I have a son who has disabilities that intensify when he has 3 different stressors at the same time. He's 6. His disabilities are different from your son's, but they require that I show love and patience with him because he suddenly loses the bandwidth he needs to navigate his areas of difficulty successfully. That is where OT and emotional training come in, dovetailing with the love and patience.

If he functions well cognitively, there are other ways to communicate beyond the speech. EI is the time to be exploring. My son had Speech in EI, caught up with peers, and then a whole new host of issues became clear when he started school. If I were you, I'd be applying to the office for people with disabilities in your state, and I'd get on all the waiting lists you can because it's a journey that doesn't end.

You're not alone and what you do matters. You're going to have victories and fails.

I was once told about the concept of The good enough mother,
a concept that I latch onto sometimes when I feel the pain of a failure.

It may be worth a few minutes to read.


I run the Frontier Wholesale co-op in February, May, August & November
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Old 12-11-2017, 05:23 PM   #12
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
One of our kiddos have had developmental concerns for a long time. He struggles the most with communication, both receptive and expressive, and fine motor. He is in EI and has been for a long time. We expect some delays to be long term/life long. He has recently been refereed to a neurodevelopmental disorder center and I am looking forward to having some answers but the wait time is very long.

None of that phases me. He is our child and we love him. We want to help him reach *his* fullest potential but we don't care a bit if it is not 'on par' with average or whatever. That said--

I feel like a pretty experienced parent. We have several kiddos and I have cared for way more than ours. But I am struggling with frustration and how to best help him quite a bit. He will pick up a skill, like saying the 'd' sound. Use it appropriately for like 3 weeks. Then completely drop it. He does the same thing in other areas--potty training, following directions, even motor skills. We work really hard for the next 3 weeks or so to get him back up to where he was. He gets it. We rejoice! He keeps it for a while. Start over. I don't get it! Once a child masters a skill you raise your expectations to include that skill. Going back over and over again is SO hard. When he understood yesterday (and the past three months) when I said 'go get your shoes' and today suddenly has no idea.... I don't know how to do this.

I feel really bad for him because he is the sweetest little guy and I know that he is trying. But I still get frustrated. I don't know how not to. I don't know how to have such fluid expectations.

Any advice, thoughts, relateable stories or whatever are welcome. I don't know what to do/try/say to change the circumstances or my feelings about them but I want so badly to do better moving forward. He deserves the very best I can give him.
It does sound like this could be very frustrating. Unfortunately, no two kids are the same and it seems as if this child will need to relearn lots of things. All we can do at that point is change our perspective and realize that he canít help it and teaching him again is how this is going to work. Once you get that, it should become easier not to have expectations on him. Take some much needed time for yourself as well. Keep hoping.
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