Thoughts on Sheltering

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by rosefall I think it's a bad idea. It's hard to teach your kids about your worldview and why you disagree with another one if they never see it. You also can't teach them how to deal with it in a practical way, unless they have to do it. I'd rather my children face questionable influences while they're young and want to talk to me about them, than after they've left to live on their own and have to figure it out by themselves.

You just gave my opinion much more eloquently than I could have written it!

[z2akids]

I agree that we all shelter to a certain extent. DH and I made very conscious decisions about the school our children will attend based on a variety of things, which included the probability that they will have less exposure to violence and apathy than they would in the public school we were attached to when our children were born. We moved in order to provide opportunities and also decrease influences that we didn't want around.

We do not watch the local news with our children because we do not believe that a 9, 6 and 5 year old need exposure to all that the city news has to offer. We screen movies for violence and language/sexual content.

I do not believe it is necessary to expose children to all the bad that the world has to offer in order for them to grow up to be confident, well rounded individuals. I firmly believe that age approrpiateness is important.

As for religion, we as a family are pretty confident in our faith beliefs. I don't have a problem with my child attending service in another faith. Something like that opens up to discussion why we believe what we believe and why some people believe other things. Again, everything to its own time.

[eileenAKAmommy]

I was sheltered, and I rebeled. (Not drugs though).

I wish I could shelter my kids, but I know I can't. If it's not age appropriate then I will keep it away as best possible.

[deezee02]

Originally Posted by z2akids As for religion, we as a family are pretty confident in our faith beliefs. I don't have a problem with my child attending service in another faith. Something like that opens up to discussion why we believe what we believe and why some people believe other things. Again, everything to its own time.

This. My parents never stopped me from going to services of other faiths growing up.

I will not shelter as much as censor. I do not allow my almost 4 year old to watch TV all day, and I do not allow him to watch shows that I believe are more mature...That is what my DVR is for.

We have obviously not reached this point, but if one of my children want something that is popular at the time, they are more that welcome to earn it, whether that be by doing extra chores around the house, or saving their money.

I feel we are practical than anything, I cannot hide them from the world forever, and they need to be able to slowly enter with their peers. I want them to go away to college and form views of their own. I do not want them to be mini me's, but learn from not only my mistacks bur their own. I want them to be well rounded and travel,

AS much as I would love to keep them little forever, that seems selfish IMHO. I would love for them to never have to have the worried that I do, but I cannot do that. Just one example, I cannot shelter them from death, DS has a terminal heart defect and one day soon we are going to have to talk to him about it and what it means, we will also have to explain to DD and any other future siblings we may have also.

[stringbean02]

i think it depends on their age as well as what you are sheltering them against. in some situations i feel that sheltering is an essential part of parenting, while in other situations i feel like it would be wrong. DS is only 14 months old, but when my children are older i plan on just doing what i FEEL is right when it comes to "sheltering" them from certain things. Thats my parenting style, i just do what feels right to me.

i do believe that sheltering in the teen years can/will result in rebellion and resentment.

[mistylynn313]

Originally Posted by Penniless For those that area against sheltering, does that mean that you'd have no problem if your very young child was being preached/proselytized to by someone with opposing religious/moral views to your own? If you say that you can't hide the truth from them, don't you think that they first need to have some basis of sheltering, growing up with the values that you want to promote, before they face the "big bad" outside world with its contradicting values? That maybe first they need to learn what you believe in before they get exposed to what you don't believe in/agree with?

That's a great question. I think of it more as guidance, as opposed to sheltering.

My problem with someone preaching opposing religious/moral views to my child, would depend on the context/circumstances under which it was happening. If it was going on behind my back so to speak I would have a HUGE problem with it. I think there is a time and a place for alternative views to be shared (not preached!) and I would want to be present. That way I know what is being said and can discuss it with my child later (my child is only 18 mo so I haven't run across this situation yet...) If I knew a relative or someone in authority was doing this without my knowledge or approval I would speak to them and politely ask them to refrain from doing this If they continued I wouldn't allow my little one around that person.

Of course, it depends what the subject is. It would have to be age appropriate!

I know its easier said than done. If you're dealing with this now, I hope it all works out

[Penniless]

Originally Posted by mistylynn313 That's a great question. I think of it more as guidance, as opposed to sheltering. My problem with someone preaching opposing religious/moral views to my child, would depend on the context/circumstances under which it was happening. If it was going on behind my back so to speak I would have a HUGE problem with it. I think there is a time and a place for alternative views to be shared (not preached!) and I would want to be present. That way I know what is being said and can discuss it with my child later (my child is only 18 mo so I haven't run across this situation yet...) If I knew a relative or someone in authority was doing this without my knowledge or approval I would speak to them and politely ask them to refrain from doing this If they continued I wouldn't allow my little one around that person. Of course, it depends what the subject is. It would have to be age appropriate! I know its easier said than done. If you're dealing with this now, I hope it all works out

No, I'm not dealing with an issue now. I was just curious what others thought. We actually recently moved out of a religious enclave to a place with a more mixed religious population, and our religious leaders were saying that it was a bad decision, that our children will get tainted, etc. I'm not worried. Then again, I do watch who I want my sons playing with. I think there should be some form of sheltering, at least until the kid is 6 or 7, preferably even until age 10 or 11. Until that age, a child's brain isnt developed enough to grasp the different nuances of "Jamie's family isn't wrong, we just believe that xyz when Jamie's family does abc". Until that age, I think your kids can know that there is something else out there, but exact details and specifics, i'm not sure about.
I definitely agree that sheltering teenagers doesn't work.

[Fairycat]

Are you worried other kids might talk about their religions or their parents might?

As soon as I hit school age I knew my friends had different religions then we did, but it never effected my beliefs in the slightest. In fact in elementary school I went to services with other kids or sunday school with them. It was always told that "this is what we do, and that's what they do". I had very few friends as a child whom practiced the same religion we did, but we were all still friends.

Honestly kids rarely talk much about religion outside of "sorry can't play we are off to church today" or "we don't eat that in our house" (later I found out because one friend was Kosher and the other was LDS), we didn't talk much about our religions. I don't worry that my DS will be exposed to other beliefs but we make our morals clear at home and those he will hopefully always carry with him out into the world no matter who or what he faces.

[iris0110]

Originally Posted by mistylynn313 That's a great question. I think of it more as guidance, as opposed to sheltering. My problem with someone preaching opposing religious/moral views to my child, would depend on the context/circumstances under which it was happening. If it was going on behind my back so to speak I would have a HUGE problem with it. I think there is a time and a place for alternative views to be shared (not preached!) and I would want to be present. That way I know what is being said and can discuss it with my child later (my child is only 18 mo so I haven't run across this situation yet...) If I knew a relative or someone in authority was doing this without my knowledge or approval I would speak to them and politely ask them to refrain from doing this If they continued I wouldn't allow my little one around that person. Of course, it depends what the subject is. It would have to be age appropriate! I know its easier said than done. If you're dealing with this now, I hope it all works out

I agree. I am perfectly fine with my children being exposed to other religions and beliefs. I do not really shelter my kids and we have attended UU church in the past. However I do not like my children being preached to. I don't appreciate people forcing their beliefs as facts on my children but even then as long as it isn't a person in a position of power over my child we simply move on. If it is a relative I simply tell the kids something like "Grandma believes this to be true, but we do not." I did not appreciate my oldest son's teacher forcing her religion and opinions on hair styles onto my child. A teacher is in a unique position of authority especially over a very young child. We tell our kids to listen to their teachers and do as they are told in school. It is hard when teachers choose to teach things that they shouldn't. However as much as I disliked this particular aspect that really wasn't the deciding factor in my removal of my child from that school setting. It was their inability to adequately apply his IEP and actually teach him anything that lead to me bringing him back to homeschooling.

I guess it is sort of hard to explain. I don't mind exposure and think that kids should be exposed to a wide variety of things including differences in beliefs. What I try to keep my kids from is people forcing their views on others. I prefer not to have to deal with it to be honest. One day my children will have to choose what they believe or don't believe. We are a non-religious family so I am sure that changes some things.

[Skittle]

Originally Posted by rosefall I think it's a bad idea. It's hard to teach your kids about your worldview and why you disagree with another one if they never see it. You also can't teach them how to deal with it in a practical way, unless they have to do it. I'd rather my children face questionable influences while they're young and want to talk to me about them, than after they've left to live on their own and have to figure it out by themselves.

I agree.