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Old 12-22-2010, 07:03 AM   #1
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A surrogate's birth story

I knew that I wanted to be a surrogate since I was 19 years old after I had my son. The idea of helping another couple become parents was very natural to me.
As the years passed I was busy with life and building my career as a small business owner. I forgot about this dream of mine until I had my daughter when I was in my 30s and my younger sister died in a car accident 4 months later. I began to realize how very short life was and my priorities changed dramatically. To be honest, I became a different person for the better I think.
I was and still am in a great relationship but we weren't ready for another child yet so I started on my journey to become a surrogate.
I started with an agency local to me. You speak with many people when you are trying to become a surrogate and I was brutally honest about my life. My family members, not I had and have addiction problems, my mother is an alcoholic, my younger sister died in the car accident because she was addicted to prescription meds, was doped up that morning and fell asleep at the wheel, my dad was a drug user when he was younger, and my relationship history wasn't all that stable when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I wasn't ever able to actually speak to the possible intended parents. The facts of my life were just presented to them with out explaination and I could see how that would look bad for me. I would have thought that my honesty would have been commendable but I am not sure given the facts that I would have chosen to work with me either. I also happen to live in a state that is not surrogate friendly. I was willing to travel for the birth though.
After weeks of the agency not being able to match me to any one, they released me from my obligation, they were all really nice about it but I was devastated. I felt like I had worked so hard to change my life and be honest about it all when I could have just lied. Lying isn't and never has been my way.
The attorney for the agency gave me information about doing an independent surrogacy and gave me the link for the site where people go to find or become surrogates or donors. I was thrilled, not that I had taken no for an answer I just didn't know where else to go.
The first time that I went on the site was when I read my intended mother's add. It was the first and the only one that I read and when I was done I said to myself I am going to be their surrogate.
Over the next several months we all got to know each other better and I liked them more and more.
There was a lot of testing and traveling involved, a few bumps in the road but we got through it all. I joke to this day that after all of that testing I could apply for a job with the government and pass with flying colors!
We are finally at the point where we go for the first embryo transfer. I remember being at the hotel when the intended mother called me and told me that the embryos didn't pass the genetic testing and there were only 3 left from the last cycle they did before that had been frozen twice.
When we got to the clinic in the morning we weren't even sure if there was going to be a viable embryo to transfer, there were two.
It was a waiting game from than on. I did a home pregnancy test that came up positive and the blood test several days later was positive as well. I was so happy and the intended parents were too but they were also very cautious. This wasn't their first time in the IVF world and they knew all of that things that could go wrong.
Over the course of the next six weeks after the transfer everything was great, my hormone levels were good, no cramping or spotting and I was fine on the meds. We go for the six week ultrasound and no heart beat. I was told that it was too early and to come back in a week. It was a very long week. We go back a week later and still nothing, at this point it really was nothing. A blighted ovum is what they call it when the embryo attaches but fails to grow.
The failure was almost more than I could take. I wasn't prepared for this to happen. I was never told that it could happen! I stopped my meds and waited for it to pass but it never fully did. Lots of testing and u/s later I went in for a d and c, not fun.
I recovered from that, had some more testing and we were back in business. This time around the donor and I had to cycle together. There was a lot of stress and worry about the timing of the cycle. I didn't realize how much goes into getting it right. There was no room for error. If the donor and I weren't ready when we were supposed to be the whole cycle would have to be stopped and started again.
We travel to the clinic and there is a good selection of embryos that passed and the intended parents decided to implant two. After the transfer it's just a long waiting game to get to the six week ultrasound and to see a heartbeat.
I was happy to have a positive pregnancy test both at home and at the doctor's office, even though my hormone levels were through the roof I was guarded. I had been here before and I wasn't celebrating until I saw a heartbeat.
We get to the six week ultrasound and I am dying for the tech to come in the room. I was so scared, was it going to be nothing or too many. We didn't know and I was almost making myself sick with anticipation!
We finally see that little flutter of a heartbeat, just one little heartbeat. DH and I almost asked at the same time if one could be hiding behind the other. We were sure that there were two or more based on how high my hormone levels were. We were also rooting for the intended parents to have twins after the failure of the last cycle. You have to understand that this isn't the first time that they have been through all of this. It's been a roller coaster for them since they started the journey to have children many years before they met me. I called them that morning and we were all very excited.
We had many more tests to go and each one that yielded positive results made us even more excited. With all of the testing, travel, doctor's appointments and legal documents to sign it was a very fast nine months. We all hung on every piece of information about the pregnancy. The intended parents and I were in constant contact via phone or email. I sent them many belly pics and let them know how the baby was behaving on the inside. I tried to think of it as if it were my baby what would I want to know. We really had and have a great relationship with wonderful communication and nothing but respect for each other.
We both had to travel for the birth, which was recent. I have been home for a little over a week. It was a planned c-section due to my history of having large babies that are born with severe complications. I have to admit that recovering from a c-section is much harder for me than it was to recover from my two vaginal births.
The morning of the c-section we chat for a bit before we leave the hotel and than we follow each other to the hospital. DH had to take DD to the museum because they don't let children in the surgical area. We didn't know that until we got there. It was already decided that the intended mother was coming in the OR with me.
We were 4 hours late getting into the OR due to emergency c-sections. It's fast approaching 4pm and I am starving not having eaten for almost 12 hours now and baby was hungry too. I could always tell when the baby was mad because the baby would become very active. The doctor actually thought that I was having contractions because the baby pushing on me was so painful. I remember saying to the intended mom that she should make sure that the baby gets fed as soon as it's born.
After one minor paper work error I finally get wheeled into the OR, all prepped and the intended mother comes in. It was so fast after that and I don't remember much of the next couple of days because I was on so much pain medication.
I do remember them saying on uterus, feeling a hand pushing up by my rib cage and shortly after that baby was out and crying and crying. The intended mother and I were of course bawling as soon as we heard the cries. It was nothing short of magical filled with tears of joy and relief. This is success, baby was safetly born and healthy.
After she showed me baby they left to go see the intended dad and the doctor's finished up with me in the OR.
I was wheeled into recovery where the intended parents and the baby were. I remember seeing the dad holding the baby and the look on his face was sheer joy. It was dark in there with just a soft spot light over the two of them and they looked angelic. These special little moments were the ones that I was waiting for, to see them with their baby was more joyful to me than I ever expected it to be.
I was in the hospital for the next four days and the intended parents and baby left after two days. We spent lots of time together and took lots of pictures. We have kept in touch since than and will make plans to visit in the summer.
I wish that I could post pictures or tell you the baby's name but I can't. I have to protect their privacy. Baby and family are doing very well and I am recovering nicely. I hope that in the future after I have my next child I can do this for them again. It really has been the most wonderful journey and I have met an incredible family that has enriched our lives. I have nothing but love for all of them.

If you got this far thanks for reading. I really wanted to share this wonderful journey with all of you.

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Old 12-22-2010, 07:22 AM   #2
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Wow! That's amazing. I would love to surrogate for someone
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:26 AM   #3
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Congrats! I was surrogate for a family and had twins for them in 2007. It's such an emotional journey. Take time to heal
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:34 AM   #4
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

What a neat story. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:37 AM   #5
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Wow, I read it all and loved it. It takes a special woman to do what you did. I don't think I would be able to but I can change my mind lol
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:37 AM   #6
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Wow, I read it all and loved it. It takes a special woman to do what you did. I don't think I would be able to but I can change my mind lol
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:51 AM   #7
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Smile Re: A surrogate's birth story

Wow mama what a neat story! I am so proud of you!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:01 AM   #8
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Awesome story!
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:27 AM   #9
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Thanks so much for sharing - I don't know know how long ago this was but I hope you're healing well from your c-section. I know those things can be a beast and to go through one for someone else shows your commitment to the new family.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:47 AM   #10
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Re: A surrogate's birth story

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaNae View Post
Wow! That's amazing. I would love to surrogate for someone
I wish that more people would, for me it has been one of the most rewarding things that I have ever done in my entire life!
It is a roller coaster though right up to and beyond the birth. LOL I have no regrets and I would do it all over again. I hope that I can for this same couple in the future.
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