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Old 02-24-2007, 02:26 PM   #1
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Does anyone regret doing CIO?

I know CIO is a hotly debated subject, but I thought some of the moms here might be able to give me some perspective on it...

Our 5.5 month old has always been a terrible sleeper. Now he's to the point where he won't fall asleep well (takes up to an hour of rocking / nursing & him screaming all the while...) and he won't stay asleep (wakes up every 30-45 minutes, day and night). We can't co-sleep as he wakes up as soon as the nipple leaves his mouth - which leads to a sore & cranky mommy in the morning. He's getting less than 9 hrs total day and night sleep and we're all miserable. We've done lots of doctor visits - and there is apparently nothing physically wrong with him, he just is a really needy baby and that is affecting his nighttime sleep.

I'm at my wits end, and despite everything I've read and my own preference not to, I am considering letting him CIO. A moderated CIO, even sitting in the room with him maybe or checking every 5 minutes. But I'm curious to hear from moms who tried CIO and then regretted it. I'm wondering if any of the things mentioned in the anti-CIO articles & books have come true for anyone - babies becoming more clingy, more detached, having serious problems sleeping or being soothed, sleep getting even worse than it was to begin with... etc. I'm so conflicted about this! Thanks!

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Old 02-24-2007, 02:30 PM   #2
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

We have never and will never do CIO, but I wanted to offer you some support. We went through the same thing with our daughter for 3 solid months when she was around the same age as your DC. It's HARD. She is now 11 months old and only wakes once or so to nurse. It does get better! Here are some articles that helped me:

http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006...t_are_sle.html

http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006...s_and_cio.html

http://article.wn.com/view/2006/10/3...e_babys_brain/

**I just wanted to add. In the regrets department.....We were staying with our inlaws this Christmas, and we had their downstairs bedroom in the basement. DD was sleeping down there (I thought, for the night) and we were upstairs talking in the kitchen (just at the top of the stairs). We didn't have a baby monitor, but its a short distance so I wasn't worried. Everything is audible from the kitchen to the downstairs. Anyway, I went to the bathroom for maybe 2 minutes, and when I returned SIL said Lily was crying. I went downstairs and she was sitting in the middle of the bed screaming bloody murder. I guess she woke up and was alone in a dark room and it scared her. Well, she took a half hour to calm down. Wimpering, shaking, just beside herself. And it was only 2 minutes that she had been crying for! Not even.... Maybe 90 seconds.
Anyway, my point is that she was so distraught after just that little incident, that I don't even want to IMAGINE what would happen if I tried to leave her in a room to CIO alone. I can't even think about it.
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Old 02-24-2007, 03:15 PM   #3
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

I read every sleep book I could find and came up with a plan I thought would work for me. (Healthy Sleep habits, happy child by Marc Weisbluth was the most helpful to me.) Was a modified CIO checking and comforting every 4-5 minutes. Then I waited until I was at my wits end and knew I could follow through with my plan. It only took 3-4 days to turn things around but I had to have nerves and a will of steel and it was exhausting. I have never regretted it for one moment. In fact I have had to do it now and again since then. He was a year old though when we did it the first time and he is almost 2 now.

I don't think I could have done it at 5.5 months! It took a year of sleepless nights and me going back to work full time and being exhausted to finally be able to think about letting him cry at all. And I went in and hugged him, rubbed his back, kissed him, talked to him calmly and said the same things again and again, but never picked him up because then he would think he was nursing and be even madder when he realized he wasn't! He slept in a crib in our room and sometimes I would just lay on our bed and talk calmly to him from across the room to comfort him.

Good luck- I feel for you!
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Old 02-24-2007, 06:45 PM   #4
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

I don't have any CIO advice as we don't practice it, but I just wanted to let you know that I totally sympathize. DS is almost 8 months and still having problems. At about 3 months he started waking 8-12 times a night, now he'll have nights here and there that are better where he'll only wake 4-5 times, but that's still pretty rare. I know how frustrating and exhausting it is - like you just wonder how you're gonna survive another day of it. I hope you find a solution that you are comfortable with and that helps you all to get more sleep.
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Old 02-24-2007, 06:52 PM   #5
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

As long as as baby is ok fed and dry, he will be fine. I have never regreted it. Dd is an awsome sleeper! I am not heartless, I promise. It just a matter of opinion.
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Old 02-24-2007, 06:59 PM   #6
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

It sounds like you are going through something very similar to what we went through. Our daughter was a very high needs baby and insisted on being held24/7 or she would scream constantly. I spent many sleepless nights just walking the hallway with her just so she would sleep and I could have some peace. Finally, I was able to lie down with her in our bed, but I couldn't move or she would wake up. She would pretty much nurse all through the night and I always had to sleep on one side- so I was pretty miserable all night long, but at least she got some sleep and the house was finally quiet. Finally at about 11 months, we decided to try to get her to sleep in her crib. She didn't like the idea, but my body just couldn't handle the nighttime misery anymore. We kind of did a very gently CIO method- I would go in and reassure her every few minutes or so- we knew by that age that she knew she was not alone- it was really just a matter of her getting angry about not getting her way. Once she realized that if she really needed us, we would be there- she slept peacefully. She still nursed at least 2 times a night until she was almost 2 years old. Sometimes she would cry a little just to wind down, so she could sleep. We are so thankful that we transitioned her to her crib- everyone has slept better since. She is so used to it now, that she probably couldn't sleep with us even if we wanted her to- she is so used to her own space now. She even waves goodnight to us now.. as if she is saying "ok, you can leave now." I am glad that we waited until she was older, because I don't think she would have understood and that it would have been much more traumatic for her if she was younger.
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Old 02-24-2007, 07:16 PM   #7
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

Ditto on Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - it is the best IMO...

My DD had colic. It took us 5 months to realize that when rocking her she cried HARD for 1 hour (she refused to nurse, take a paci anything - would just cry)
but if we put her in her crib and let her CIO she would cry 7 or 8 minutes and then go to sleep.....

Every baby is different - but my baby really wanted to be left alone - and we just
keep overstimulating a tired baby girl

We never let her cry for more than 10 minutes or so without getting her - but it was and is rare that we have too. She LOVES her crib and does not like to be bothered when she wants to sleep..

It makes me a little sad - would have liked to have done some co-sleeping - but she has NEVER liked being in bed with us.

You will figure out what is best for your baby..

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Old 02-24-2007, 07:19 PM   #8
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

when ds was 9 mos and i found out i was preggers again i knew something had to give because i could not be waking up with 2 babies! at the time he stll woke up every 2-3 hours. i now know he had reflux so my nursing him in the night was really just setting him up to wake again, but hindsight is 20/20.... anyway dh and i settled on the "good night sleep tight, the sleep lady's guide..." which is where you teach them to soothe themselves but you are still in the room, you start off right by there bed and gradually move across the room until you are outside there room and if they need it occasionally opening the door and telling them you are there and to go night night.
it worked well for us, some nights he laughed and played trying to get us to have playtime, and other nights he did cry, although he never cried like he was scared or terrified, it was more of a hmm what is going on cry/whine.

you have to do what is best for your family and only you can decide. cio will not make you a bad person, it will not make your children hate you.... parenting is about love and doing the best you can and that is what kids will remember
good luck mama
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Old 02-24-2007, 07:29 PM   #9
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

I wrote a long answer but my computer ate it

I never have and never will do CIO, I just dont believe in it! My DS was a very high needs baby he had to be held 24/7 & was up every 20minutes to nurse until he was 18months old. For some crazy reason he started sleeping through the night the day I bought DD home from the hospital (yep he was up all night while I was pg, I was ready for tandem nursing at night)! DD is 14months old now & wakes up 5-6 times a night to nurse. I think there are so many other things to try & do before CIO.

I never believed in it & after one day forgetting to turn the monitor on and finding DD crying (she was 7months old) after waking up from a nap I will never put my kids through that! The entire day she would start crying when I tried to put her down & nursed ALL DAY while holding onto me tight!

Good luck, you probably have a high needs baby!
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Old 02-24-2007, 07:42 PM   #10
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Re: Does anyone regret doing CIO?

I did it at 9 months. It got to where i had to make a decision of which was worse. mom and dad not getting any sleep and being cranky and tired all day or 3 days of her CIO. It was a hard the first night and I went out and got a video moniter in the morning. THE BEST THING I EVER BOUGHT!
It showed me she was ok and she was just mad. After abnout 3 days she figured it out and although we have days every now and then, I am glad we did it.
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