Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-20-2010, 05:28 PM   #1
3NavyBabies's Avatar
3NavyBabies
Registered Users
Formerly: izynalysmomma
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: OKLAHOMA
Posts: 1,151
Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

We have been dealing with some issues with ODD for about 3 years now. I feel like they all started when I took away her pacifier just before she turned 3 (please don't judge...I was young, a new mom and she was so attached ), she had a new baby sister and we moved with a week's notice (mold issue) while my husband was gone. The pacifier happened in July, sister was born 10 days after she turned 3 and the move was a little over a month later.

She has gotten TONS better, but we still have some issues. 99% of our issues are in public. She rarely acts bad at home or at friends houses. Today it was at the mall. She was literally screaming because she wanted a drink and her sister had it. She made her sister scream and I ended up throwing the drink away. She threw herself to the ground and was throwing her sandals. She refused to pick them up, then refused to put them on. She ended up walking across hot asphalt to the car...SCREAMING the entire 10 minutes or so. We got home and she was calmed down, and saying "I'm being good now." But I told her it was too late, and she was going to spend the day in her room.

Can anyone give advice on what to do? It seems like she doesn't respond to anything that I do to calm her down. She just screams louder unless I completely give in to her. Also, some book suggestions would be great. I have friends and people from church who recommend the Pearls and James Dobson. I do like James Dobson as a whole and his books not involving parenting, but I am not sure how I feel about the others. I haven't read them yet either. But I do believe in 'spare the rod, spoil the child.'


ETA: We got home after 3:30 and bedtime is around 8. I let her come out of her room around 6:30 to eat dinner, and she slept most of that 3 hours. Her behavior is much improved, she is being helpful and courteous to her siblings, and she apologized for earlier. I let her stay out after we talked about what happened.

Advertisement

__________________
Jena, Conservative Christian
Navy wife to Lance,
Homeschooling momma to Isabella (9.15.04), Alyvia (9.25.07) and Jett (5.6.09)

Last edited by 3NavyBabies; 07-20-2010 at 06:25 PM.
3NavyBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 05:40 PM   #2
cedricsmom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,562
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I think that temper tandrums are pretty normal in three year olds. Sending a three year old to her room for the day is over the top imo, three year olds need to be supervised and I think she is too young to understand this punishment as a course of her actions. Do you feel that hitting your child would have helped in that situation ?
__________________
A, married to P and SAHM to ds 12/ 2007 and brand new dd 06/ 2011
cedricsmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 05:44 PM   #3
3NavyBabies's Avatar
3NavyBabies
Registered Users
Formerly: izynalysmomma
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: OKLAHOMA
Posts: 1,151
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

DD will be 6 in September.
I don't consider spanking hitting.
__________________
Jena, Conservative Christian
Navy wife to Lance,
Homeschooling momma to Isabella (9.15.04), Alyvia (9.25.07) and Jett (5.6.09)
3NavyBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 05:58 PM   #4
cedricsmom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,562
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Sorry. How is the spanking working for you?
__________________
A, married to P and SAHM to ds 12/ 2007 and brand new dd 06/ 2011
cedricsmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:00 PM   #5
Mrs.Mommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 16
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Im not a huge fan of the Pearls. But I do have several Dobson books. Do you have The Strong Willed Child...or Dare to Discipline? They both are very good reads. I think he has a new book about raising daughters also.
I have a son who behaved much the same. From the time he was 18 months he gave me a run for my money. Everyone and their grandma thought a good spanking would cure it all. It was so horrible I wouldnt leave him alone with anyone (except 2 people) because he was the kind of kid someone could go crazy on. In my case, no amount of spanking would have worked. It made things worse. Im not anti-spanking either, but there are many options for discipline. Each child is unique. If you are dealing with an actual behavior disorder, then nothing conventional is going to work. So, my advice is first..PRAY. Always have to do that first.
Also, you could look into TOtal Transformation? It could work for a child who is 6, but some of it might not apply. I have it, I got it when my son was only 3..but I learned a lot from it. I would recommend that to anyone who is struggling. The best thing he teaches is personal accountability in the child. It doesnt matter what the disorder is (if there is one) there are no excuses for inappropriate behavior.
My son is also 6. He has improved much, but we have our days. For instance, the last 2 days he has done nothing but argue with anything I say. Anything and everything is a confrontation. Some days I feel like the worst parent in the world because my kid doesnt behave like everyone elses. Everyone also expects Christian kids to be perfect...well, not at my house!

Also, has your daughter been actually diagnosed with ODD? The doctor actually thought my son was bi-polar. At three he wanted to diagnose him. I just wasnt comfortable with that diagnosis for a toddler who is still developing.
Sorry for rambling...hopefully you have some support who is laid back, but firm. These kids are very special. They have great potential with the will that they have. It just needs to be steered into positive things. The challenge is not breaking their spirit.
Mrs.Mommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:07 PM   #6
Fashionably Green Baby's Avatar
Fashionably Green Baby
Registered Users
Formerly: artistmom
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 10,547
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Well, I do believe spanking is hitting but I don't think that really matters here necessarily and each child needs different discipline KWIM? My daughter is almost exactly 1 year younger than your daughter (september 14 2005) and we have a bit of this as well. Hers was not brought on by any huge change though it is just part of growing up and trying to find independence. I think spending the whole day in her room is a bit much but that is just my opinion. I do time outs that are 4 minutes because she is 4 years old. That helps when at home but in public it is a bit harder. I have found that staying very calm yet firm and consistent helps. At home I actually will not talk to her if she is going to act like a baby so essentially giving her the silent treatment because that is what works for her. She HATES to be ignored so when she realizes that a certain behavior is causing her to get ignored she takes notice. Each child is different and will require different techniques but I would just look at her personality and see what you think would make her take notice. If she is an attention hog like my daughter then the silent treatment may get to her. The only thing to be prepared for is that if you utilize that method in public people will look at you like you are a pushover. Being calm yet firm and most importantly consistent are really the key points to any discipline.
__________________
Though we have the courage to raise our daughters more like our sons, we've rarely had the courage to raise our sons like our daughters. -Gloria Steinem
Fashionably Green Baby is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:08 PM   #7
Hitchkids
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,219
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I just want to say avoid the Pearls at all costs. Please.

Other than that, just keep doing what you are doing. Don't give in when she throws a fit and follow through with any punishment you tell her she will earn if she does not stop the behavior. Perhaps simply come up with one or two set consequences and follow through all the time. Having that set in stone before hand can often help you stay calm and not get emotionally involved in her fits. I'll admit that I've been known to simply walk away from a child throwing a fit in public. You are going to act like that, you won't get any attention from me. Assuming the child is old enough to know what they are doing is wrong and is in a safe place and you always stay close enough to keep an eye on her in a way she can't see. Is she trying to get more attention from you? Does she act out more when Dad is around than when he's gone? My oldest daughter does that trick all the time. I've finally gotten my husband on board with not putting up with her antics so she is starting to improve but the longer the behavior goes unchecked, the longer it will be before it stops as well. And usually when you find the trick that works best with that child, the behavior will get worse before it gets better. They will test you first to see how serious you are and if you have the guts to stick with it.

Can you find a mentor who's parenting you admire and see if they can give you any pointers? I hope you find something that works soon.
Hitchkids is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:11 PM   #8
Fashionably Green Baby's Avatar
Fashionably Green Baby
Registered Users
Formerly: artistmom
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 10,547
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I guess I should add that I am in no way even kinda a conservative christian but I don't really know how that applies to discipline so I replied anyways
__________________
Though we have the courage to raise our daughters more like our sons, we've rarely had the courage to raise our sons like our daughters. -Gloria Steinem
Fashionably Green Baby is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:12 PM   #9
AHIAMOM's Avatar
AHIAMOM
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: California
Posts: 1,373
My Mood:
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3NavyBabies View Post
DD will be 6 in September.
I don't consider spanking hitting.
__________________
Cindy, homeschooling mama to DD (10/97), DD (4/99),
DD
(9/02), and intact DS (4/09)
Earn money for your searches with Swagbucks http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/mom2my4kiddos
AHIAMOM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2010, 06:13 PM   #10
3NavyBabies's Avatar
3NavyBabies
Registered Users
Formerly: izynalysmomma
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: OKLAHOMA
Posts: 1,151
Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Thank you so much, Mrs. Mommy. Trust me, you are not alone. My cousin is this way, and I know A LOT of other kids that are strong-willed. I believe with all of my heart that my daughter will be great. She is strong, independent, the most clever kid I have ever met. My Dad called her to tell her that there was a full moon last week and she asked him "what phase was it in?" She has done Pre-K for 3 months, and I work with her, but never about phases of the moon!
Anyways, I know that it is her personality. My other 2 children are nothing like this. In fact, my middle child (also a girl) is the same age as ODD was when this behavior started. She is the sweetest, funniest, most loving kid. You want to smile when she walks into a room and she bounces everywhere she goes. She tells EVERYONE that her name is "Lala Cutiebug." lol.
I have been wanting to read Raising Daughters and Raising Sons, The New Dare to Discipline and The New Strong-Willed Child. I will be going to the library tomorrow to see what they have. Thanks!!!

I posted this thread for like-minded mamas to support me, and give me advice. I do not need judgment. Actually, that is the last thing I need right now. I was spanked, all of my kids are/will be (ds is only 14 months) spanked as a last resort. I believe that there is a time and a place for it, and it is working just fine for me. As I said above, it is ODD's strong-willed personality that is causing the problem for me. If you have something constructive for me, I would be THRILLED to hear it. Otherwise, I would appreciate judgment to be left unwritten.
__________________
Jena, Conservative Christian
Navy wife to Lance,
Homeschooling momma to Isabella (9.15.04), Alyvia (9.25.07) and Jett (5.6.09)
3NavyBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.