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Old 07-20-2010, 06:15 PM   #11
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Whatever you do, be consistent. Three is worse than 2, no matter what the old saying. They can be incredibly trying!
Hang in there! It will eventually get better!

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Old 07-20-2010, 06:16 PM   #12
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Sounds like she is quite good at home so clearly you are doing something right. I really think it would help to remember that just because your daughter is misbehaving at times, doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong, you know? Children are learning and growing and that means testing and making mistakes along the way. Screaming at the mall is in no way surprising or abnormal. If she is so much better behaved at home, I think the important thing to do is prepare her of your expectations before you leave and stay calm but consistent in public. Taking the drink away makes sense. I personally think making her spend the whole day in her room is over kill. Are you sure that your expectations are age appropriate? Is it only when running errands and out in public that you have these issues?
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:22 PM   #13
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I am going to try to address everything without quoting so bare with me
From what I have seen of the Pearls, it is not for me.
We got home just after 3:30 and bedtime is around 8. I should have clarified that before I said "all day". Oh and toys are in her room, she came out to eat dinner.
Religious beliefs applies to discipline VERY MUCH IMO. I would never ask for political advice from a Democrat (no offense intended).
I did walk away from her...that is when the shoes started flying. I was mortified, but only one person said something and she said "I have been there!" That made me feel so much better!!!
My husband is deployed (ever 3-4 weeks for 3-4 weeks). He has been on this cycle since before she was born, so I think sometimes I forget that it can be hard on her.
There is a difference between hitting and spanking. Spanking is Biblical (at least in my Bible and my religion). I really don't care to discuss that any further. Totally NOT the point of the thread.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:23 PM   #14
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I had this problem with my second daughter. She was a great baby and toddler but when she hit 5 she started pitching fits about everything. She was uncontrollable and completely unreasonable. She even got so bad as to yell things at me like "I don't want to be your daughter anymore" and "Everyone hates me and wants me to be miserable" and that really concerned me since we are very loving family. I stopped spanking my kids for personal reasons so I was looking for ways to deal with her outburst besides physical discipline which in the past had just made her worse. What ended up working was teaching her to practice peace within herself and calm herself down so that I could help her with whatever was bothering her. I didn't send her to her room to be isolated from us but I taught her how to regulate her breathing, concentrate on happy thoughts and would sometimes send her to her room to calm down on her own. It really helped a lot and she outgrew that phase and is now a happy girl going on 9.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:27 PM   #15
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Here's a question. Does she behave better when Dad is home? When my older 4 boys were younger, my husband was traveling all the time. 3 to 4 weeks a month. He'd be home maybe one day a week. I noticed the more Dad was gone, the worse the behaved because they just couldn't quite understand or handle it. Or maybe it was because after a while I was so burned out and stressed that I wasn't handling them well. Who knows. Even dealing with long deployments has been easier than when he was on the other travel schedule. She may just need to hear from Dad a bit more although I realize that can be super hard. Can you arrange for him to voice chat with her or send letters or something? I think sometimes we forget how hard it is on the kids. I know I often did.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:29 PM   #16
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Jena,
I'm not writing to offer advice, because I'm a newer mom than you are! Though, I definitely agree that prayer is the place to start. I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you! I'm always amazed at the strength of military wives. Hang in there! He is strong when you are weak!
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:32 PM   #17
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3NavyBabies View Post
I am going to try to address everything without quoting so bare with me
From what I have seen of the Pearls, it is not for me.
We got home just after 3:30 and bedtime is around 8. I should have clarified that before I said "all day". Oh and toys are in her room, she came out to eat dinner.
Religious beliefs applies to discipline VERY MUCH IMO. I would never ask for political advice from a Democrat (no offense intended).
I did walk away from her...that is when the shoes started flying. I was mortified, but only one person said something and she said "I have been there!" That made me feel so much better!!!
My husband is deployed (ever 3-4 weeks for 3-4 weeks). He has been on this cycle since before she was born, so I think sometimes I forget that it can be hard on her.
There is a difference between hitting and spanking. Spanking is Biblical (at least in my Bible and my religion). I really don't care to discuss that any further. Totally NOT the point of the thread.
Ahh,...I would take the toys out of her room. It is not a punishment if they are in there and she can play with them.

When you are out in public and she has a tantrum, leave. Period. Get down to her level (physically), tell her her behavior is unacceptable and remove her from the situation.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:39 PM   #18
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Have you heard of Dr. Kevin Leman? He has a book "Have a New Kid by Friday". She might be a bit young, but I found the info extrememly valueable.

I also like Dr. James Dobson.

For us, 3 was almost harder than 2. We have to do a lot of explaining the expectations and what will happen. We ask her if she needs a "consequence" or if she can change her behavior herself. Luckily, she caught onto that quickly. She learned early on that the consequence could change - she learned to not like what the word stood for, regardless of what the consequence would actually be. I'm a big fan of having the punishment fit the crime. Sometimes, easier said than done though.

I had someone recommend that we "leave the full grocery cart" when/if she acted out. This was almost not reasonable for us, living 20+ miles from the store and usually almost finished with the shopping of things we needed.

I hope you continue to get valueable advice. Somewhere or from someone, you will gain ideas that will click for you and your LO. Not sure that I've helped you out any, but regardless.
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:49 PM   #19
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by mich*mommy View Post
Ahh,...I would take the toys out of her room. It is not a punishment if they are in there and she can play with them.

When you are out in public and she has a tantrum, leave. Period. Get down to her level (physically), tell her her behavior is unacceptable and remove her from the situation.
I was in the process of checking out when the tantrum started. I finished paying and we left. I had several errands to run today. We had an appt at 11:15, then went for lunch, I had one store to go to and then I was going to let them play. Then I was going to run the other errands and find ways to make it easier on them, ie: a sucker or $1 toy. We never even got to that place. On the way out of the mall was this huge fit. I do try to get down on her level. One thing that WAS working (it is hit or miss now) is for me to say "You are just getting yourself into more trouble" slowly, calmly and with a short pause in between. I say this 3 or 4 times and she calms down...when it works! Today I was down on her level and she was literally rolling her eyes into the back of her head to avoid looking at me. This was the worst fit we have had in several years, and it all started because she wanted a drink and her sister was in the process of taking one. I am going to get on reading, and I have a strong Christian friend that is calling me when she has free time tonite. Thank you so much ladies. It is reassuring to know that we all go through this at one time or another! THAT is why I love DS!
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Old 07-20-2010, 07:33 PM   #20
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Re: Convservative Christians...I would love some advice

I don't have much advice, since my dd is only 4 months, but I agree with pp about being consistent. From observing my sister's kids, ages 10-1, that is the best thing to do.

Also wanted to offer
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