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Old 07-23-2010, 10:21 AM   #1
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Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

Besides just being supportive does your DH/SO help with any homeschooling activities or lessons?

Mr. Wonderful is pretty much all for me homeschooling the boys but it's pretty much just left up to me. He doesn't even care to read to the three year old when they are just sitting on the couch. Makes me so irritated!

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Old 07-23-2010, 10:39 AM   #2
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

NOPE! All up to me. Of course he works all the time so the very few hours he is home it is play time.
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Old 07-23-2010, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

My husband does nothing. He will when they are older though whether he wants to or not because I suck at higher math. lol

I was homeschooled and my dad never really did much either. My mom complained about it a lot so I try not to. My husband works long hours in construction and he is usually very tired when he comes home at 6-8 pm so there's not really much he could do.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:12 AM   #4
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

My DH never used to do anything. I finally got so fed up with it that I broke down crying and just went off (which is something I never do). I asked him why he never helped and he stood there and with tears welling up in his eyes he told me "I'm afraid to. I have no idea how to do any of this, and you seem to be so good at it...I don't want to look stupid"

At first I thought it was a cop out, so I called his bluff. I started introducing him to tasks one at a time, and eventually he would master one and we'd move on to another.

Now he does dishes, laundry, cleans the house, changes diapers, bathes the baby, feeds the baby, etc, and is VERY good at it. He's also a lot happier now because he feels like part of the team. Whenever things need to be done, we make a list and split it. No one is ever overwhelmed, and our whole household is so much happier (and cleaner)

I think most men have a fear of looking dumb, or not being the master of something. It's best to start small with one thing and try to make a habit of it and give positive reinforcement. (kind of the same way you do with kids...hmmmm... :giggles: )
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:53 AM   #5
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

DH helps with stuff around the house occasionally--he'd help more if I wasn't so stinkin' picky & didn't follow him around fixing what he's done . He's great with the kids (changing diapers, feeding, playing, etc), but is pretty hands-off when it comes to school stuff unless its a super messy science experiment...and then he helps make the mess then walks away for me to clean it up. He HATES reading thanks to his mom always telling them that reading isn't fun, reading is stupid, reading doesn't accomplish anything, etc etc...so getting him to read to the kids is like asking him to cut his arm off...I could count the number of times I've heard him read to DS on one hand and DS is 4 And he just doesn't get kids imaginations...like DS had a big roll of contact paper out a couple days ago and was telling DH it was a scroll (we're doing a unit on mummies) and was telling him a story from the scroll about mummies, embalming, and pyramids...DH just looked so confused and kept asking what DS was talking about and where he was seeing this stuff at. *sigh* Its called imagination, dear...its not a difficult concept.

I think one of the big issues with DH staying uninvolved with school is a fear of looking dumb...he wasn't really great in school but managed to get decent enough grades with help from teachers, tutors, and friends. He went to college for 2 years for auto body & is a whiz with that kind of stuff, but when it came to school book-work type things, forget it. I try to be patient and encourage DH, but if he's teaching the kids something incorrect, I'm going to correct it because I dont' want them learning the wrong things, kwim? He'd rather just make up an answer when DS asks something than make the effort to go open a book or look it up online to actually find out the correct answer, and that's not going to be conducive to the kids learning anything. In all honesty, I find it easier to teach the kids when he's not "helping" with school because I'm not having to backtrack and re-teach them things the correct way or at their age level. We can stay on topic & move through things in an order that makes sense. I'm a very Type A, organized, need to be in control type personality and having him come in & try to help usually just stresses me out and makes it harder for me to teach the kids in the long run. If he wanted to become more involved, we'd have to sit down and have some major discussions & planning done because I'd go nuts with him being all up in everything all the time
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Old 07-23-2010, 12:06 PM   #6
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

My DH helps out with keeping them in line sort of thing. Like if our oldest' handwriting is lacking, or he's being whiny about doing his work. DH will tell him to straighten up or he'll be punished by no rewards. But as far as the actual school work, I handle that. I've always been good with school so I don't mind doing it all. I get such joy from teaching my kids.
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Old 07-23-2010, 03:12 PM   #7
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

Dh swore he would. I had a bit of an anxiety attack about 6 months ago. I hadn't realized my bi-polar symptoms were getting worse until I cycled back to manic and had a full on anxiety attack at 2AM. I wound up focusing on the kids and homeschooling. I was totally freaked out that I wasn't doing enough either academically or socially for Kearnan and that I was failing him completely. Reasonably I knew it wasn't true but I couldn't get past it. For days I searched out all of our other schooling options. I knew the local public schools weren't an option, we can't afford private (and I refuse to use a religious school anyway) so I looked into online curriculums and had pretty much made up my mind on using either Connections or K12 online charter school because I just didn't think I could do it. At that point dh talked out the options with me, reminded me why we wanted to home school in the first place and tried to remind me that I was doing a good job. He promised that if things were too much he would take one part of the subjects. However, all of those lovely promises and 6 months later the most he has done is enroll in Taekwondo with Kearnan and on very rare occasions he will read with him. My "adopted college student" (a young man who is a good family friend and studying to be a teacher) has offered to help whenever I am stumped, and he has come up with some really good ideas that I never thought of to teach Kearnan things, but when having him in as a tutor I just wind up frustrated. He is still in that "shiny and new" phase as I like to call it. He really believes that the things he learned in school were absolute truths and all children need to be taught the same way. Add to that he specializes in ESL not Special Ed and he really doesn't fully understand how to work with Kearnan or why certain things shouldn't be done. Yes, learning to spell is important, but when I am having him write out definitions for the key terms from our science lesson I don't want him extra frustrated by his tutor trying to get him to spell them from memory.

I do appreciate dh working so I can be home with the kids, and so I expect the majority of the housework and schooling to fall to me. At least partially because I am a perfectionist and I am a bit bossy (ok a lot bossy) and don't like some one "messing stuff up", but also because I am the one home. However because this is a particularly stressful area for me I do want dh to help out more. I am going to be pressing him to do more one on one reading with Kearnan (I read to the boys but I am not nearly patient enough with Kearnan reading out loud to me) and I want him to take over doing science experiments with both of the boys from our giant book of science fun. The mess is just too much for me plus dh is better about actually letting the boys do things and being laid back about the process. I'm too uptight. Dh reminds me that Taekwondo is our version of PE so he does take that part with Kearnan and Tharen will start with them in December. But now it is taking up so much of our lives that dh's chores around the house aren't getting done. It stresses me to no end if stuff isn't done. I can't concentrate and work if there are messes and clutter around. So I need to talk to him about these things again.
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:11 PM   #8
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

Nope. It's just me. To be fair, I prefer it that way. I'm just a little bit of a control freak.
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:18 PM   #9
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

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Originally Posted by syfitz View Post
Nope. It's just me. To be fair, I prefer it that way. I'm just a little bit of a control freak.
That was pretty much my exact thought when I read the title of this thread My DH plays with the kids and does read to them occasionally, but he seriously has no clue what we do for homeschooling.
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:02 PM   #10
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Re: Does your DH/So help with homeschooling?

We've been homeschooling for 6 years now, and dh doesn't really help at all. Honestly, though, it's way more covenient that way. DH tried to help when we first started to homeschool, but he really had a hard time understanding how to teach a kid. He ends up just getting frustrated and then both he and ds have a horrible time. It worries me some, because my dh is a math professor and, although I can teach ds math up to algebra, I really won't be able to teach him geometry (proofs) or any higher math. Of course there are always paid and free internet courses, dvd lectures and tutors that we can find for the upper grades. Thank goodness for that!
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