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Old 07-30-2010, 09:25 AM   #21
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Re: A Break From Kids

Here's one thing I figured out about the general population.

a little background first: I homeschooled my first until 2nd grade, when I put her in public school because she was not reading like I thought she should be. My 2nd went into K at that time too because I needed that break all my friends were talking about. I was preggers and had a baby at home with special needs. I suppose it was a necessary time for us all. anyhow...

Before putting my kids into the system, they were well behaved-I-could-take-them-anywhere kind of kids. Summers were no issues. My schooling friends always complained about hating the summer with their kids. I never had that problem until they spent a year in the system. Summer really really sucked and I WAS happy to send them off the next year.

We moved and had too much going on with a sick child to even consider sending them back to school and it took a year before I realized my kids were 'good' again and I did like being around them! As I work with other moms who are pulling their kids out of the system, I always notice & encourage them that it takes 1-2 years to re-program everyone. It seems very hard on the kids to switch from the schoolgroup mentality to the home mentality each day and the stress causes a lot of the friction between siblings and even parents.

So when parents can't handle being around their kids more than a couple hours, I think it is all part of the plan to separate the parents from their kids, even to the heart level. It is sad that our society puts these kind of expectations on everyone. We see the results of the morale & social decline of this process. I've seen too many highschoolers get pulled out of the system and find a greater sense of peace and relief when they are homeschooled. They find who they are without the distractions of the system. It often takes them awhile to adjust away from the 'social scene', but once they are out of it, they are so HAPPY.

oops, I think I hit a rabbit trail there.. sorry!

But like many here have said, I DO need my 'ME' time, but it is so DIFFERENT than what most people think is necessary. Time in the evenings is enough or sometimes I'll take a short nap. Even taking a walk where the kids are distracted away from "ME" will be enough and I get recharged too. Hey, shopping at hobby lobby works too! Gets everyone excited about a project and less thinking about sucking my energy! lol! Picking blueberries where the kids are nearby, but not ON me is a great refreshing esp when I pick with my good friend and the kids are all distracted with each other.

As you grow with your kids you find ways to cope and work around each other.


homeschooling mum (d15, d13, d11, s8, s6) Surprise #6 due Aug 13!
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Old 07-30-2010, 07:11 PM   #22
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Re: A Break From Kids

Nice post Trudi! That is some interesting insight, and I think you've hit the nail on the head.
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Old 07-31-2010, 09:10 AM   #23
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Re: A Break From Kids

Yes, I definitely need the break! It wasn't until I came across the book Raising Your Spirited Child, to help my oldest (5, ASD) that I finally understood why. One of the issues discussed in the book is introversion vs extroversion; recognizing my own introverted traits helped my understand that its not that I "can't stand" so much time with my kids, or that there's something "wrong" with me (or them!), but that I need that time of solitude to recharge. Ds is very intense and spirited, while dd is not quite as spirited, but very extroverted; they're both at a stage where their intense needs are overwhelming for me. When I get that little bit of time for myself, I'm refreshed and ready to be a warm, engaging mother. When I don't get it, I'm grumpy and emotionally withdrawn. It doesn't take much: I food shop alone at night when dh is home, I go to a weekly Bible Study, and once our newbie is born I'll be back to the gym for a couple of hours a week. Juts enough to feel like I'm still a person whose needs matter just as much as my dh and children's needs matter. There's nothing to feel guilty about when we're honest about our shortcomings and are working toward solutions.
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Old 07-31-2010, 01:53 PM   #24
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Re: A Break From Kids

I agree, there is nothing to feel guilty about. I'm the same way as Acacia--I really thrive on solitude. I need time to be by myself and that is how I recharge. But I usually get a couple hours a week to go hang out at the bookstore or whatever, just to be alone. I think it's important for me. But my best friend doesn't need that. I think it just depends on the individual.

I really appreciate what Trudi said, that as we grow with our children we find ways to cope. I totally agree. And that's probably why people who aren't around their kids the majority of the day have such a hard time being around them for longer than a couple hours--they aren't growing with them so it's harder to find ways to cope.
Adrienne, wife and lover to Andrew Mama to Simon (2/21/06 - 2/26/06), Norah (6/28/07), Ezra (5/11/10), and Phoebe (6/14/12).
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Old 08-01-2010, 07:41 AM   #25
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Re: A Break From Kids

Originally Posted by Penniless View Post
Someone, shocked that I would even consider homeschooling my kid, said "A mother needs time away from your kids to recharge. You can't ever get a break from your kids if you homeschool."

Agree? Disagree?
Do you think you need child free time to recharge? How do you get that break?
I do agree that your children are always with you when you homeschool and I do agree that you need a break, but the extent of the break varies from person to person. I get my break during nap/quiet time and again after bedtime. The toddler naps from 2-4 and I make the boys lay down for 1 hour of that time. I put everyone to bed by 9pm and I stay up til 11pm, so I get another 2 hours there. About once a month I try to go out to dinner or coffee with some friends.
Wife and mom to 3: ds 12 , ds 8, and dd 4
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Old 08-01-2010, 08:58 AM   #26
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Re: A Break From Kids

I need breaks, yes, but not so much just from the kids, as I need a break from responsibility. Don't usually need a lot, but at least once a month, DH will keep the kids away from me for a few hours. During that time I can leave the house and do something or I can hide in the bedroom and read or cross stitch (that's what I usually do, actually). For me, it is that I am very much not a touchy person and I live with a young child that still needs, while one of the other kids and my husband are very touchy people. I get touched out and need a time where no one is touching me and no one is needing me for anything.

There is no way I would give up my time with my kids or homeschooling just so I could have a "break" from them, though.
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Old 08-01-2010, 10:06 AM   #27
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Re: A Break From Kids

I do need time for myself...not b/c the kids are always driving me crazy, but b/c mentally it just prepares me. I go to water aerobics twice a week. That keeps me energized throughout the week. I can't stay up late...i am not a night owl, but I like mornings. Now when my husband goes out of town and I have the kids all to myself for 7 days I take a day to myself when he gets back. But I don't NEED a break, but it is nice to have one every now and then. By the way, I don't think grocery shopping is a break for me. I would rather my dh do the shopping.
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Old 08-01-2010, 01:11 PM   #28
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Re: A Break From Kids

I can only speak for myself... Yes, I do need time away occasionally. I love my children to pieces, I love homeschooling, I love being a SAHM. I also love time away from everything to recharge. I don't need it every day though, just occasionally.

Here are some of the things I do to find myself when I'm starting to feel a little stressed out or lost:
*women's Bible study
*grocery shop by myself after kids' bedtime
*arrange a date with my hubby
*invite a girlfriend out to dinner

If it's the middle of the day, and I truly need a break, I find it very soothing to close myself in my bedroom and fold laundry while my kids play in their rooms or watch a quick show.
Rebekah ~Wife to my love, Mama to my two littles, Stepmom to one beautiful young woman~
Forever in my heart; Luisa Grace and her tiny siblings.
"In your children, you've been handed a piece of history in advance - a gracious gift you send to a time you will not see." ~Tim Kimmel
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Old 08-01-2010, 03:49 PM   #29
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Re: A Break From Kids

I'm finding I need less "me time" now that I'm hsing. It is like a pp said about the kids being in or out of the system. When I had children in public schools I felt I needed more and more time alone ... I felt like I was losing grasp of what was going on with my kids. I now feel much more bonded together and I don't need "me time" all the time. Nighttime is great, date nights with DH, even the kids free-play can be "me time".
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Old 08-02-2010, 01:12 AM   #30
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Re: A Break From Kids

I don't agree or disagree. I think many parents probably do feel they need a break from their children sometimes. We've never really had babysitters for our children so honestly for the past 3.5 years we've rarely had a break, date night or time alone and it's not horrible. I'm a clingy/overprotective parent so I don't like being seperated from my kids, all I do is worry, worry, worry the whole time. If I feel I need a little time to myself I just stay up later than I normally would....(for example its nearly 2:30 am now)
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