*UPDATE* Unconditional Parenting

[BootyGold]

*update*

So I really took all of your opinions into consideration...thanks mamas

I took a long hard look at MY behavior over the last few weeks, and I can honestly say that I've been a major mega b1tch I spent the evening just trying to enjoy my experience with DS, playing games, not cleaning the house, paying attention to him and DD, and it really made a difference. We had a little bit of a struggle with putting his jammies on, and we did do a time out, but it was quickly resolved and that was it! All other "crazy 3 yo behaviors" were handled with gentle guidence and it worked out well. It seems as though maybe its ME that needs the time out and behavior adjustment

*********************************************

So I have read the book. I love his philosophy and I've always known that the approach I was using just didn't quite feel right to me.

I've modified my parenting style to be more in line with his thoughts and I can say that I really do like it. It just feels more natural to me. It has been a slow progression over the last two or so months. But I'd say I'm full on with no time outs, etc. in the last few weeks.

However, DS has become a maniac He has been absolutely rotten these last few weeks. Will not do anything that I ask, always says "no" regardless of the question, hits, won't go to bed, used to love to be independent and now just constantly says "I can't do it!!:, etc. etc. etc.

We have had some changes in our life and I know that he's 3, but I'm starting to wonder if my change in parenting is the cause.

We had a little come to Jesus meeting about his behavior last night, and he was sent to his room for a while to cool off. I know, against the UC parenting. But ever since then, he's been so much more cooperative.

Thoughts?

[hpfgirl]

I believe that properly applied discipline shows the most sincere love for a child. They are incapable of self-discipline and need you to do it for them. They depend on you for it.

[linzbear]

Unconditional Parenting isn't against discipline, I thought? OP, have you tried contacting the book's author? I've heard he responds to email questions

[BootyGold]

Huh, no I haven't. Maybe I should.

Is it possible that he needs that much more structure? All kids are different...

I'm feeling like a total failure now.

[BootyGold]

From my understanding, it pretty much is against discipline, in the traditional sense. Its more about guidance and working with the child. Making each experience an opportunity for teaching, etc.

[z2akids]

How did you used to respond to hitting, telling you "no," etc? How have you been responding to those activities now?

[iggyloo]

The problem is, with ANY "style" of parenting, is that it's not one size fits all. Sometimes what you want to work, just doesn't for your child and your family. Try to give it a little more time. Really pay attention to exactly what is and isn't working. When you find something isn't working, try something else! Trust yourself and your child and you'll figure out what is the best for everyone.

[syfitz]

Originally Posted by iggyloo The problem is, with ANY "style" of parenting, is that it's not one size fits all. Sometimes what you want to work, just doesn't for your child and your family. Try to give it a little more time. Really pay attention to exactly what is and isn't working. When you find something isn't working, try something else! Trust yourself and your child and you'll figure out what is the best for everyone.

Exactly. Try reading "Nurture by Nature"
I have four kids, and I parent each a bit differently.

[Wildfire37]

Originally Posted by iggyloo The problem is, with ANY "style" of parenting, is that it's not one size fits all. Sometimes what you want to work, just doesn't for your child and your family. Try to give it a little more time. Really pay attention to exactly what is and isn't working. When you find something isn't working, try something else! Trust yourself and your child and you'll figure out what is the best for everyone.

Exactly this. Just keep trying until you find something that works.

[BootyGold]

Originally Posted by z2akids How did you used to respond to hitting, telling you "no," etc? How have you been responding to those activities now?

Before, I would say something like..."We don't hit, that is not nice and you can hurt someone that way. If you hit again, you will go in time out."

Now, I say "That hurts me when you hit. Would you want someone to hit you and make you feel badly?"

He's not hitting out of anger, he just thinks its funny So he just laughs at me. That can't be good!!!

Originally Posted by iggyloo The problem is, with ANY "style" of parenting, is that it's not one size fits all. Sometimes what you want to work, just doesn't for your child and your family. Try to give it a little more time. Really pay attention to exactly what is and isn't working. When you find something isn't working, try something else! Trust yourself and your child and you'll figure out what is the best for everyone.

Time outs work. Period. He's been a pretty easy going, respectful kid up until now. Of course he has his moments, but for the most part, he was cooperative, and liked being independent. I feel like I've opened this can of worms, and how can I go back to using time outs when now I know the potential long-term repercussions?