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Old 08-15-2010, 02:02 AM   #11
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Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

I am in the mindset of 'they'll train when ready' DD#1 woke up one morning two weeks after her second birthday and said she wanted to wear big girl panties. One poop accident and I threw her princess panties out and she never had another accident... during the day. She was not night trained until 6.5 years.

DD#2 was told at 3.5 that if she learned to potty Santa would bring her the Barbie vacuum she had been coveting (around Christmas and by that time I was not above bribery). She forced herself to potty, however, at 6 she still has an accident about twice a week - and has been ongoing the last two years, she is, however, dry overnight.

DD#3 initiated potty training a few months after she turned 3. Her Daddy had just left for a deployment, and she decided she wanted to show him her big girl panties like sissy when he called on the computer. Two weeks of 'accidents' and she has been good to go, although, like her older sister, she still is not night trained (bed-wetters run in my family until 12 years about).

DD#4 is 17 months and I'm already hearing it that we need to start potty training. But why stress MYSELF out with trying to 'train' a child not ready? They won't be going to college in diapers, so I am totally okay with the child initiating it. And I'm sorry, but I have four children, DH is only home months at a time between deployments and we homeschool - potty training is so not at the top of my list of things to do!

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Old 08-15-2010, 03:00 PM   #12
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Unhappy Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

I dont think anything is wrong with late potty learning if it really is the child's development. But working in childcare for many years I've met some parents where it is just for the parent's convenience that the child is not learning to use the potty at all. I have one little guy of 3.5 who is not even remotely trained and the parent's put him in a pamper at home so he is not encourage at all to try the potty. I don't think a child should be rushed or forced but putting him in a pamper and not even allowing him the opportunity to learn is not good. My boss talked to the mom who said "Well pull ups are so expensive to buy for daycare that we can't afford to have him in them at home." My boss told her to buy cloth trainers so the child could have easy access to pull his pants down to try the potty at home but they never bought them. The mom later told my boss that washing the training pants was too much work especially if he had a bm. Going at the child's pace if the child is a late learner is great. I was not trained until 3.5 myself but my mom was putting me in training pants and encouraging me to go. I don't think it's ok to keep a child in diapers just for your own convenience like this mom in my class room.
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Old 08-16-2010, 10:51 AM   #13
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Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

I don't know. I disagree w/ you. I think that children are very capable of learning to use the potty at 2 yrs. old. I started my son 3 weeks before his 2nd birthday and he is fully trained now at almost 7 weeks later. All in all, it took a week of straight accidents, 2 weeks of many accidents, and 1 week of very few accidents. Now it's really rare for him to have an accident. Pee or poop. I didn't scar him for life, or require him to do something he wasn't capable of. In fact, he cannot pull down his own pants or underwear still. I have to do it for him. But once they're down he can do the rest on his own. We use a little potty, so he can get onto it himself and up and he can even dump it into the big potty and flush w/ relatively little assistance.

Here is a great article I read on potty training and how it has changed over the last century. http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com...-Training.html

Most everyone I know in real life waited until their child was 3 to start training. But I knew that my son could do it. He met all the readiness guidelines and already could tell me when he had pooped.
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Old 10-17-2010, 06:22 PM   #14
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Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

I found this post while searching for PL pants for my DS1 who is 2 1/2 and not potty trained. I'm one of those moms who feels pressured to do things the way everyone else thinks they should be done. My little guy was ready and willing around 18 months, but we didn't have a potty chair for him yet, so I didn't really push the issue. We finally bought him a seat about a month later, but I was HUGELY preggo and was worried about trying to train him while also adding a new sibling to the mix. I was sure he'd backslide. In hindsight, I should have given him a chance. He may have surprised me! However, I was really pregnant and worn out just from the normal day to day let alone tackling potty learning. (Hm. That makes me sound lazy!) At 2 1/2, he has no interest in the potty except occasionally when he gets really excited about it out of the blue! If only he'd do this EVERY time!

I'm in no hurry to make PLing a battle, and I've come to agree with the following:

One of the worst things a mother can do is criticize another mother.

What works for one family might not work for another, and that's OKAY!
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:48 PM   #15
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Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

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Originally Posted by graysonandmommy View Post
My boss talked to the mom who said "Well pull ups are so expensive to buy for daycare that we can't afford to have him in them at home." My boss told her to buy cloth trainers so the child could have easy access to pull his pants down to try the potty at home but they never bought them. The mom later told my boss that washing the training pants was too much work especially if he had a bm.
Guess it didn't occur to the mom to just let him go around naked at home...? That helped DD learn what that "feeling" feels like quicker than anything else. Plus, if money was an issue, the mom wouldn't have had to buy so many Pampers by just letting him run around with no diaper on!

Sometimes it's the parents who need the gentle nudge to at least let their kids try. My 2.5-year-old would still happily wear diapers full-time if I hadn't listened to her. She was telling me "pee-pee in the potty" after her bath, letting me know that she knew when to go and that she could hold it long enough to make it to the potty. However upset she gets when her panties are wet or the pee dribbles down her leg, she still happily pees in a diaper at naptime or overnight. If I had waited for her to shun her diapers or stay dry in them for over 2 hours before attempting PLing...I'd still be waiting. Because I was willing to take a chance, my DD is that much closer to being fully PLed. But because I waited until SHE was the one giving me the cues, and not me telling her that it was time to go, I didn't have to hover and nag her so much about going. She knows when she has to go; good luck getting her to go at any other time!

That being said, every child is indeed different. There are many developmental milestones that kids hit at a wide variety of ages. PLing is one of them. I know parents who claim their children were PTed by 18 months. I envy them, but I didn't push DD to do the same thing that young. If the child's not ready to learn at age 2 or even 3, so be it. But if the parent is the one slowing down the progress, then that's another story.
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Old 10-24-2010, 11:56 PM   #16
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Re: An emotional defense of the late potty learners...

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I know child initiated potty training makes you shudder, that's not what I'm talking about. I'll initiate it when my kid has the physical ability to do it, I just don't want the battle of endless potty training caused when you start years before a child is physically ready. If a child can take themselves to a toilet before age 3 I think they should. My defense is only for the kids who honestly can't.
See, I think it still depends on your definition of "potty trained." I don't actually think it means a child has to be able to take themselves to a toilet and do everything on their own to be "potty trained" because, yes, I agree, expecting that of 2 year olds isn't reasonable. BUT my son (29 mos) can tell us when he needs to go and can even hold it for a little bit if we're not immediately near a bathroom. He can sometimes pull his pants down and up again, but not always, and he certainly can't wipe himself effectively or get onto normal sized toilets by himself. Yet I call him "potty trained" because he's out of diapers and has few accidents, not because he can do everything without help.

And it hasn't been a battle, in fact the times we've gotten frustrated and been impatient or whatever, then he regresses some and has more accidents. When we're just supportive, he does much better. So *making* it a battle all the time and imposing rigid expectations certainly would have made it take much longer. Actually, perhaps what bugs me the most about "typical" American potty training is the idea that you have to use reward charts/stickers/candy/etc. I think that by using rewards like that, it's far more likely to take longer, as opposed to helping the child figure out that it's more comfortable to not have accidents. But that requires being willing to let the child have multiple accidents and not get angry at them or shame them. Personally, washing a few extra sets of clothes or even the car seat cover occasionally is much less of a hassle than diapers.

I agree that kids are very unlikely to be able to take themselves to the bathroom by the time they're 3. But I also think it's doing the child a disservice to simply keep them in diapers without even encouraging/introducing potty use until then.
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