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Old 08-18-2010, 02:02 PM   #1
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Unhappy DESPERATE!

Oh my gosh...
I don't know what to do about DS. He just is not going poop on the potty. He will be 4 in September, and has been completely potty learned with #1 for at least 7-8 months. He is still POOPING IN HIS PANTS!!!!! I am SO sick of washing poopy underwear! Diapers are made to be pooped in, so that's not a big deal
I just don't know what to do. He just won't do it. He holds it until he's constipated, then it hurts him so he doesn't want to go!
We have tried:
Naked time
Mineral oil
Bribing (not my proudest )
Reward charts and stickers
Withholding activities
...and the list goes on.
I know I can't make him do it, but I want him to care. I don't know what to do. It is such a pain in the rear to have him pooping in his pants all the time. I just get so angry at him. I don't know what else to do.
Suggestions?

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Old 08-18-2010, 02:11 PM   #2
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Re: DESPERATE!

My ds still pooped in his pants almost every day for almost a year after he was 'potty learned'. It didn't get better until after age 4, and until we became really adament that he sit on the potty and try multiple times a day.

We have to force him to sit on the potty for 5-10 minutes Before breakfast, after lunch, before bath, etc. If he poops on the potty he gets a treat.

You are not alone mama! I personally know at least a dozen moms who have gone through the same thing.
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Old 08-18-2010, 02:14 PM   #3
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Re: DESPERATE!

Pooping in the potty is often a "scary" thing to do! I'm sure you have done this but reassure him that it's ok to let it go in there and flush it down. Have you tried making him clean up his own mess? I know it's not everyone's answer but sometimes making him take the poop (with your help) and putting it in the potty and flushing then cleaning out his pants and putting them in the wash can help. That way he really sees that it's gross and if he doesn't want to do it then he can poop in the potty? GOOD LUCK MAMA!!
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Old 08-18-2010, 02:32 PM   #4
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Re: DESPERATE!

My suggestion, breathe (just not while trying to clean poopie undies ) My DD is 4 1/2 and been PL for #1 for almost a year.... But the pooing on the potty, *sigh, JUST now happened. She has a petrifying fear of the toilet... It overflowed one time, just once after she flushed it and from then on, she has been petrified of toilets. We tried it all, every method you listed (including the bribing) to no avail. Sometimes I would think it was a control thing, other times an immaturity thing, other times a fear thing... Round and round and round and round. And just about the time I thought I was going to lose my ever-loving mind, she started pooping on the potty.

Hang in there and try to not make a big deal out of it. Maybe that will help.... HTH!

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Old 08-18-2010, 02:34 PM   #5
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Re: DESPERATE!

We cured out oldest of this exact problem by telling him one day that we would no longer be cleaning the mess up for him. He had pooped in the toilet before so I knew he could do it. I just said he was old enough to clean up after himself, it was no longer my job, handed him the wipes and walked out of the bathroom. He used about half a box of wipes the first time but in a day or two was going on the toilet without a fuss. May not work for every child but it did work for us.
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Old 08-18-2010, 02:35 PM   #6
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Re: DESPERATE!

Thanks mamas. He knows it's a good thing to go on the potty, and when he does he is so proud of himself. He just doesn't want to stop what he's doing to sit on the potty... but if I make him then it seems like a punishment and he HATES sitting on the potty. He looks at it as a terrible thing So I try to make it fun and not a terrible punishment, but it just hasn't worked. I'm glad I'm not alone though. It seems like all of my friends have had super easy PLing experiences with their kids, and nothing about my experience has been easy!
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Old 08-18-2010, 02:49 PM   #7
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Re: DESPERATE!

My 4 year old potty trained at 2. He had few weeks of pooping accidents when we brought #2 home (he was 3 yrs old). Sometimes he will have an accident when he is feeling left out or we change his daily schedule. When we first started potty training, we would set an alarm on our cell phone. When the alarm goes off, we would place him on the toilet with a "special big boy activity" (reading favorite books, painting using a TV tray as the table, card games, drawing in shaving cream, anything to keep him entertained). Since we set the timer, we almost always got a surprise in the toilet. After he went, he received a sticker for #1 or a washable tattoo for #2. Tattoos are great because family members would ask him where he got the tattoo and he got to brag about going on the potty. Sometimes we would call every family member to brag about the big boy going potty without having an accident in his pants.
Stay strong! We've all been there and remember it is only a small (stinky) moment it time.

Last edited by round2mom; 08-18-2010 at 03:38 PM.
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Old 08-19-2010, 04:05 AM   #8
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Re: DESPERATE!

Have you been to see your Dr? Are you sure that it isn't a health issue? The reason I ask is because my middle son was also not training for #2. He was holding it (or so we thought) until he was constipated and needed to be seen in emerg. His ped. at the time thought that it was him being stubborn and just withholding and for nearly a year incouraged us to be very strict and use discipline. He also had us lace all of his food with PEG3350 which is used before colon procedures to clean the bowel and even then LO wasn't going. Because of the constipation and the PEG our son would leak fecal matter and needed to be in constant diapers. He had to leave his preschool because they wouldn't allow a child there in the second year that was in diapers. (It was a city preschool that we paid to attend. They have a special needs worker at the city and she was mortified that we were asked to leave. BUT although we could have stayed and we fought for and got an apology we decided to go somewhere where we were wanted.)

I finally went back to our family doctor one day in tears after another night at the hospital, followed by a day with our ped YELLING at our son that he HAD to go potty, because he hadn't gone in over two weeks. I asked for a second opinion and we were sent to a GI specialist. Turns out our son had thyroid disease which caused constipation. He was "withholding" a bit because his bowels were so packed that he didn't want to go because it hurt so badly. BUT the main cause was the thyroid disease - in LESS then a week of being on proper thyroid medication he was going to the bathroom daily on the toilet! He was 41/3 and "toilet trained" less then a month before starting KD.

Needless to say now with any health issues if we don't get results within weeks we look for more answers. I will NEVER again put any of my children through something like that.

Last edited by mg5g; 08-19-2010 at 04:08 AM.
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Old 08-19-2010, 05:13 AM   #9
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Re: DESPERATE!

I would ask the doc as well, just to be sure it couldn't be something else. My older brother had something wrong w/ his bowels (can't remember what it's called) and used to go and hide to poop, or poop in really strange places. My mom would get so angry w/ him. Then she found out he had an issue and felt horrible.

But if it's not medical, and it's just that he doesn't want to sit still for a moment, then you can probably fix it. We used the 3day method and I cannot say enough for the online mentoring that it comes with. Clearly you do not need to read the entire thing, but it's only $24 and they may be able to help you.

Hope you figure it out soon. Cleaning poopy undies is super gross!
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Old 08-19-2010, 06:16 AM   #10
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Re: DESPERATE!

Wow, I would feel terrible if it were a health issue. My gut instinct says that it isn't- because when we are good about making him sit on the potty regularly he does go without any laxatives or anything... we are just such busy people and on the go constantly so we don't always take the time to make him sit on the potty. So I guess DH and I are kind of to blame here We clearly need to make this a priority for DS. Thank you so much mamas. You have made me feel so much better about this situation! Yesterday when I wrote this post I was almost in tears! bump
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