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Old 08-23-2010, 01:49 PM   #21
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

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My dh has never taken any time off after a baby was born. I don't see why he would either. It only takes one parent to care for the baby/other kids. I wouldn't have been happy with him taking unpaid time off. He was out of work for 6 months once. We had plenty of savings, so it wasn't a financial hardship, but I was happy to see him return to work.
I have to say I can understand being at the top of a lay-off list after taking such time. As an employer I'd look at that as not being commited to the company. Vacation is one thing, but taking that much time unnecessarily would lead to me believe you don't view your job as important (unless I knew you were the sole caregiver at the time). In this economy, I think it's best to be viewed as indispensible as possible. Leaving for that long does not send that message.
Really? I even with our first, I found having DH around very helpful.

Actually the birthing center we go to requires that DH or someone else be with the baby and me 24/7 for the first week, and preferably 2 weeks.

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Old 08-23-2010, 03:23 PM   #22
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

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My dh has never taken any time off after a baby was born. I don't see why he would either. It only takes one parent to care for the baby/other kids. I wouldn't have been happy with him taking unpaid time off. He was out of work for 6 months once. We had plenty of savings, so it wasn't a financial hardship, but I was happy to see him return to work.
I have to say I can understand being at the top of a lay-off list after taking such time. As an employer I'd look at that as not being commited to the company. Vacation is one thing, but taking that much time unnecessarily would lead to me believe you don't view your job as important (unless I knew you were the sole caregiver at the time). In this economy, I think it's best to be viewed as indispensible as possible. Leaving for that long does not send that message.


Personally family does come first to my DH, it has nothing to do with not being committed to your employer. Just because it only takes one parent to "parent" does not mean that a father wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible getting to know the child he helped make. It is kind of sad because in many countries it is considered much more normal to take off more time with a new baby, and supporting your wife.
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Old 08-23-2010, 03:41 PM   #23
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

DH took about 4 weeks and after that he cut down his hours to 2 days a week. He is a SAHD now. It was awesome having both of us off for those 4 weeks, and only having him gone two days a week after that. Glorious I tell you!
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Old 08-23-2010, 03:48 PM   #24
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

Our office doesn't qualify for FLMA but a guy in our office was allowed 3 months off paid when his wife gave birth to twins.
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:00 PM   #25
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

I wish! DH took 2 weeks when DD1 was born but kept getting calls from work the entire time. When DD2 was born he was back in the military and we were lucky enough that he was home for a quick 4 day break between training across the country and going overseas. We induced at 39 weeks and had DD2 4 hours before he was supposed to fly out. If she hadn't been born before his flight, he wouldn't have gotten the 10 days emergency leave with us.
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:03 PM   #26
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

DH took off a week with DD. With DFS, he took a week the second week we had him. I'm sure with the next baby, he'll also take a week.

I see no reason for him to be off that much. It just means he has to work a bunch when he goes back, and I can take care of the kids just fine. My mom lives near us, so if I need help, she is more than happy to oblige, and MIL is always itching to come, too.
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:28 PM   #27
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

I'm surprised others didn't want their husbands home for as many weeks as possible. DH works for himself so his time was all unpaid. I took off for a month before DD was born, he took off the last three weeks of that and the first three months of DD's life except for a few half days here and there. It was so wonderful!
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:52 PM   #28
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

My ex-dh and I worked for the same employer so we only got 12 weeks together. He got to use 3 sick days and then he used 1 week of our FMLA, so I only had 11 weeks but my boss pushed it so I got like 11 weeks and 6 days, lol

I had 6 weeks of vacation so that was paid and then I got disability so like 2/3 pay. My ex had his week off paid since he had vaca. I can't imagine letting him take 2 more months off. That would have been like 5k we would have been out. With the amount of medical bills we had I don't think we could have made it with less money.
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Old 08-24-2010, 10:59 AM   #29
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

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Honestly, this surprises me.

First of all, if you work for a large enough company it is illegal to retalliate for FMLA. Does it happen? I am sure it does, but if it does then the person retalliated against certainly has a case to contact a lawyer and be compensated. Large companies tend to put into place layoff guidelines, often they have to do with longevity or disposability of the position. They cannot count FMLA against someone, but if their number comes up due to a layoff priority, it would have happened to that person whether or not they took FMLA.

There are laws guaranteeing FMLA because it isn't unimportant.

I don't understand why you would be upset with a DH taking FMLA time. I am sure you think that bonding between mom and baby is very important. I don't see why bonding between dad and baby is any less important. Would you condone a mother taking her 12 weeks FMLA unpaid if she knew she was going back to work? Shouldn't she maybe only take the 6ish weeks disability and go back right afterwards so that the family doesn't lose any more income.

My DH taking that 12 weeks when I returned to work was an amazing time for him and both our boys.
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Personally family does come first to my DH, it has nothing to do with not being committed to your employer. Just because it only takes one parent to "parent" does not mean that a father wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible getting to know the child he helped make. It is kind of sad because in many countries it is considered much more normal to take off more time with a new baby, and supporting your wife.
My dh works for a very large company, but it's not easy for someone else to fulfill his responsibilities when he is out for whatever reason. Layoffs aren't done based on seniority (nor do I think they should be). When they need to cut back on payroll, they look at who is of most value to the company, and who it would be easiest to get along without.
Our family does come first to dh and is the biggest reason why he does the best job he can for his company. Also, he actually cares a lot about the success of his company and takes pride in it's acheivments. I think that is severely lacking by the workforce today. For more and more people, their job is just that...a job. There doesn't seem to be as much pride in a job well done as there used to be.
I would be upset about dh taking time he was "entitled" to take if it was unnecessary and put his ability to provide for us in the future in jeopardy.

Like I said, as an employer, if I HAD to make cuts and I have two guys that do a great job, but one decided to recently take off 12 weeks to spend time with his family. It's a no brainer for me to decide who gets to stay. I don't think that is a wrong attitude for an employer to take and I think in most cases, that is what you'll find does happen.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:57 PM   #30
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Re: Any daddies take off all 12 weeks FMLA?

If we could have afforded it and the military allowed it, DH would have. He was allowed to use the 10 day paternity leave (paid) and then since none of our family came to help out, his command allowed him to take 3 weeks of paid leave to help me. DH wished he could have stayed longer.
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