Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-07-2010, 09:44 AM   #1
amitchell98's Avatar
amitchell98
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,365
Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

I get REALLY frustrated with my son, sometimes even angry with him. We use time out for things like tantrums, not listening, etc. But that's not really the issue. The issue lately has been naptime/bedtime. He is fully potty trained, but has been pooping in his underwear at naptime and bedtime lately. Like probably 6 times in the last 2 weeks. It's becoming a real issue. I'm not sure if he's doing it for attention, or just to get out of bed, or if he really just needs to go and somehow thinks he can't make it to the potty. The child has no problem getting out of bed every 10 min. to try and pee, so I know it's not 'cause we don't "allow" him to leave his bed.

Anyway, I digress. When he does have an accident in his undies I get angry with him. I try to keep my cool, but I'm not always so good at it. I usually yell at him and am rough with him while helping him to the potty and to clean up. This is NOT helping the problem. He just gets really upset and cries super hard until I calm him down. Which is understandable since my behavior is unacceptable. What I need to do is think before I react, but am really struggling with this.

Can anyone recommend a good book on some more peaceful/calm ways at dealing with my anger? He's only 2 and I really don't want to continue raising my voice so loud I certainly don't want him to fear me. And I don't want to feel angry with him. He's my baby and I love him more than anything.

Thanks, Amber

Advertisement

__________________
I'm Amber, wife to Brian , and mommy to Myles 7/21/08 , Eloise 3/2/11, Lorelei and my furry baby Lucy 2/8/08.
amitchell98 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 10:18 AM   #2
Hcm1940's Avatar
Hcm1940
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bentonville,AR
Posts: 112
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

Oh mama! Hugs! You are going through so much, being pregnant and dealing with a 2 yr old is stressful. I have had anger issues off and on too but it has mostly been personal stress or pms! I just have to use self-talk. I think your lo is incapable of the forethought to get back at you or other vindictive behaviors. He's too young to think like that. He probably just gets comfy in bed, or doesn't have great bowel control yet (especially when relaxed?), or maybe it hurt to poo on the potty once and now associates the potty with bottom pain. Who knows. Anytime I notice bad behaviors from my 2 yr old that angers me I first ask myself, "how is this my fault?". For example, have I modeled correct behavior, have I taught her enough the right way to do things, have I used positive reenforcement enough, or should I have left the black permanent marker out? I try to turn everything back on me because I am the mentor. Some things are developmental, some things ate a matter of teaching, and some things are physiological. I almost never get angry at my girl anymore because I try to look at how I can things differently or I tell myself, "this too shall pass" (for example in the case of my girl's tantrums, they just went away eventually without my invervention). I know being a mama is hard. Try not to ever take things personally as little kids don't want to hurt their parents. Look up positive discipline books on amazon. I like the A to Z one because it gives step by step instructions for different problems (can't remember the exact title). Hope this helps. Take care.
Hcm1940 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 10:21 AM   #3
mason825
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 411
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

I have no book ideas-but i wanted you to know that i empathize. We don't have the exact same problem, but DD has been seriously acting up and not listening lately-i think maybe it's new baby anxiety?
It's not about not loving him, sometimes our kids just drive us insane, and no parent can say that they have never, ever lost their cool with their kids and are calm 100% of the time, it's not possible, we can, however, remember that how we react shapes their behavior, when we are angry/tense, they get that way too.
Last week, i was on the phone with my school on an important call, DD wanted my attention, and just started screaming and carrying on and not listening-and i totally lost it-i grabbed her and put her in time out in her room and shut the door, finished my phone call, with her screaming the whole time. Could i reacted better? Yep. Did i feel bad about it? Yep. But i know that next time i will think about it before i act.
Remember that Pl'ing accidents do happen, and that it is really common for regression to occur for a certain amount of time in kids that are previously learned. If you know that it will upset you if he poops during nap, just put a diaper on him during nap until he goes back to normal-At one point, DD was Pl'ed for a few months and suddenly wouldn't go poop on the potty anymore, she would only: a) poop outside, in the backyard or b) hold it for weeks. So...i let her poop outside until she worked out her issues, lol. And now she's fine.
I guess, long story short, don't worry about the accidents, just put him in a diaper if cleaning him up is going to upset you, take deep breaths and realize that it will pass.
__________________
addicted to, delayed vaxing, married to my best friend, SAHM to one crazy DD (3) and DS (11/20/10)
mason825 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 10:45 AM   #4
NewCDerInCO's Avatar
NewCDerInCO
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 490
My Mood:
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

Another mama with no answers, but PLENTY of empathy. And I'm also preggers. Maybe it's the hormones?
__________________
Married to DH, SAHM to DD (3/26/08), CDing, BFing, co-sleeping (for now) with DS born 1/8/11!
NewCDerInCO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 11:46 AM   #5
BNC's Avatar
BNC
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 19,507
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewCDerInCO View Post
Another mama with no answers, but PLENTY of empathy. And I'm also preggers. Maybe it's the hormones?
Its definitely the preggo hormones...I have noticed a HUGE increase in my anger and frustration level when dealing with my kids (2 and 1) since I became pregnant.
__________________
Jen -momma to MaryKate 12/13/07, Kara 7/22/09, Adalane "Laney" 2/9/11, ^angel^ 10/13, & Jacob 8/21/14

Search with SwagBucks & earn gift cards!
ADORABLE WINTER HATS FSOT!
BNC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 11:53 AM   #6
Sassu's Avatar
Sassu
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 679
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

mama. I agree with the PPs about prego hormones. I have been super impatient lately with DD and my dogs (especially my old dog )
Every morning before I get out of bed I do a little silent meditation...something along the lines of "Today, please let my heart be filled with peace so I may approach the world with patience and grace." Kind of corny maybe but I feel like it puts my mind in the right spot to start the day and reminds me that I AM a good person because I'm trying!
Hang in there!
__________________
Sara - Wife to DH since 04 . Mom to DD (3/09) and expecting #2 (2/11) Also mom to 3 crazy mutts . It's a circus around here!
Sassu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 12:27 PM   #7
missy5598's Avatar
missy5598
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 461
My Mood:
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

Quote:
Originally Posted by BNC View Post
Its definitely the preggo hormones...I have noticed a HUGE increase in my anger and frustration level when dealing with my kids (2 and 1) since I became pregnant.
Same here. I seem to have no patience for my 2 year old since I got pregnant.

We are currently reading Positive Discipline - The First Three Years, By: Jane Nelsen, ED.D., Cheryl Erwin, M.A., and Roslyn Ann Duffy. It's a book on how to discipline your children positively rather than using time outs and things like that. I'm not very far into it but some of the methods in the book seem to work. They remind you that a lot of behaviors at certain ages are age appropriate and if you stay calm and do things in a loving way (lots of hugs and understanding) then the negative behavior will soon pass. (I know keeping your cool when you just want to scream is easier said than done).

I still have a hard time sticking with the methods in the book, especially when I'm having a bad day. Today I yelled at DS because he wouldn't pick up a tiny piece of Play-Doh on the floor. I wouldn't give in so he decided to yell at me too and then throw toys at me. Maybe I should have just picked it up for him this time since it was not worth the outcome.

Good Luck Mama and hang in there. Walk away from the situation for a minute if you feel like you are getting too angry. It helps sometimes.
__________________
Missy - Wife to Bryan and Mommy to Drew 6/15/08 our miracle baby and Damon 11/18/10 (VBAC).
missy5598 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 01:44 PM   #8
dagmomma
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Deep South
Posts: 8,372
My Mood:
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

[QUOTE=Sassu;11165513Every morning before I get out of bed I do a little silent meditation...something along the lines of "Today, please let my heart be filled with peace so I may approach the world with patience and grace." Kind of corny maybe but I feel like it puts my mind in the right spot to start the day and reminds me that I AM a good person because I'm trying!
Hang in there! [/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I also think some type of exercise like yoga will help. It helped me tremendously, especially in those winter months when I feel all cooped up.

I am not pregnant at the moment but I was pregnant with a toddler and although we did not have the poopy problem, well bc to this day ds1 is still not pt'ed--going to be 3 on the 15th, we had some other toddler issues.

Just remember you are a good mommy and just think about the type of mommy you want to be and what type of mommy you want for your ds. You will get through this and ds will too.

Good luck
dagmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 02:02 PM   #9
clb's Avatar
clb
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Rogers Park (Chicago, IL)
Posts: 803
My Mood:
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

sorry you are going through this. I try so hard to stay calm (we are the example they are suppose to look up to, right?) but it's impossible for me to keep my cool 100% of the time. Two books that helped me let go of some of my own issues and, imo, be a better/calmer parent (which led to a much happier child) were Unconditional Parenting and Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
__________________
C- Proud mama to M (4/08). Loving wife to J. Excited about welcoming baby #2 into our APing, BWing, Non-Circing, Selective Vaxing, happy, hippy family in 03/11
clb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2010, 02:04 PM   #10
Janine's Avatar
Janine
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8,085
My Mood:
Re: Moms.....I need advice on how to handle my anger

Quote:
Originally Posted by BNC View Post
Its definitely the preggo hormones...I have noticed a HUGE increase in my anger and frustration level when dealing with my kids (2 and 1) since I became pregnant.
Yep. Same here. I get frustrated with DD (2 years old) over little things ever since getting preggo. I hope it goes away once the new baby is born.
Janine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.