Asked not to nurse my son at church b/c...

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by shortcake2386 church is private property they are free to make their own rules but ive never known a church to take this stance(allthough im sure other do)

In Indiana, it doesn't matter if it is private property or not. If the woman has a right to be there, which she did, the woman has a right to breastfeed there.

[CharlieInCharge]

Originally Posted by lisaaag I stand by my statement, if you can't use a cover go to a private room.

Why? What is the point of a cover that covers nothing but the baby, and makes it far more obvious that you're breastfeeding than doing it discreetly without a cover?

My experience: I used a cover for months. All it got me was a fussy, sweaty baby, a lot of pointed stares, and a few nasty comments. Then I ditched the cover because it wasn't actually covering any skin but the baby's, and it was only making things worse for me. Then people walked up to me all the time while I was nursing, had face-to-face conversations, and either were completely comfortable or had no idea I was nursing at all.

So I don't understand the statement that you must cover or go to a private room. Covering made the situation more awkward, not less, and a private room is not always available. Nursing in public does not always (or usually, in my experience) equal bare breast, even coverless. And if the problem is that people just know that you're nursing, well, the cover makes sure they can't miss the fact, even from across the room.

[Clare378]

Originally Posted by bdhutier Umm I am goig to have to ask you to cover this smilie. My dh walked by and saw it and he won't stop staring and drooling. The poor dear he can't compartmentalize. ETA: I am not making fun of anyone, just my warped sense of humor.

I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed following this thread today!

[mommyof3monsters]

Originally Posted by bdhutier Umm I am goig to have to ask you to cover this smilie. My dh walked by and saw it and he won't stop staring and drooling. The poor dear he can't compartmentalize. ETA: I am not making fun of anyone, just my warped sense of humor.

I love your sense of humor
(eta: I"m not making fun of anyone either but it WAS hilarious!!)

[aubreyaks]

Originally Posted by Clare378 Here's what you do: 1. Open Google 2. Type the words "Mary Jesus breastfeeding" 3. Click Search 4. At the top left, click "images" 5. Save a few to your computer 6. Email a few of the pictures to your pastor and ask which one would be appropriate P.S. If you find one in which Mary's wearing a hooter-hider, please let me know.

awesome! I love this! I hope you are able to work out a resolution. Go you!

[TeachinAuntie]

Originally Posted by *Peanut* Let me ask you this? Who are you hurting by sitting out in the open? Who will you be hurting by sitting in a private room? (Are you REALLY hurting baby, by feeding baby in another room?)

I will be hurting myself by going into another room. I only get out of the house on Sundays. A HUGE part of church for me is the fellowship. I would not want to sit in a room all by myself during church. She is suggesting that I go somewhere else, ALONE, since there aren't other options yet. I am the only one with a nursling right now. The only other BF baby is tiny & still hides under a cover obediently.

Originally Posted by Clare378 She was nursing in the lobby after service. What's the difference between that and NIP? Because this church is still in the founding stages and the OP and her husband were among the founders, I would not back down on this issue. I would use this as an opportunity to educate people about BFing and to set the tone of the church community as accepting of BFing. Here's the thing: when OP and her husband started this church community with others, they were developing a community. When the church gets 150 members, should it become more traditional? At 500 members, should women wearing pants be prohibited? When they reach 5000 members, will everyone have to be camera-ready to walk in the door?

The pastor & I talked & she even said, that whatever we decide now will set the precedent for breastfeeding in church. I do not want to belong to a church, let alone be on the leadership of one, that is not tolerant of modest breastfeeding during services. One of the major draws of this church is the family & child friendly worship atmosphere. Children & babies are NOT expected to go to the nursery or Sunday School. They CAN, but they are just as welcome to stay in worship. That is important to DH & I.

Originally Posted by *Peanut* Church is all about sucking it up, so I either go prepared to suck it up, or I don't go.

I do not agree at all. Church is about so much more & ours has made a lot of effort to be a VERY inclusive place. I think my Pastor was acting rashly when she called me today. Not her best move yet.

Originally Posted by *Peanut* In my home, if someone can't eat ice cream (because of diabetes or something), none of us eat it either. Like, it's not even in the house! It's respect. We can get it at the ice cream truck or at the ice cream parlor, but we don't do it at home. Maybe that is why I am more flexible about all this. At church, you have a connection and obligation to each other that people in a restaurant don't.

If we have such a connection, then the man should have said something to DH or I. I am pretty sure that whoever complained was NOT a regular attendee of our church & instead one of the few OLDER visitors we have had. Our church targets 20-30 year olds but we have had some of the 50+ crowd visiting in the last two weeks.

Originally Posted by doodah ummm.....I disagree strongly with "church is all about sucking it up" but won't even go there.... back to the OP, I completely understand the issues especially since it wasn't even during a service (even though it sounds like you would nurse in the service). I personally would go to the paster, explain your side of things and see if you can come to a compromise for your sake and for other moms in the congregation. Maybe the paster isn't fully realizing what nursing elsewhere would entail for you. Besides that I would nurse in the extra room. It sounds like you really love your church and have put a lot of effort and love into founding that church so are you really ready to just walk away from that and all the bonds you have built, friends you have made, etc over the BFing issue? I am not saying that I completely agree with the pastor. What I am saying is to keep your priorities in mind if you have to make this choice. I would just hate for you to walk away from a church that has so much else to offer to you and your family. You are never going to find a place where you perfectly agree with everyone on everything. I guess it is just about picking your battle and for me, I would do what the pastor prefers. I nurse in our church nursery and yes, that is what our pastor prefers here.

We are definitely going to be talking things over with our pastor. We love her & know that she will respect us. We are trying to figure out what we feel and how much we want to push this. Where we will be comfortable conceding and where we want to stand firm.

Originally Posted by The Fancy Pansy In response to some of the comparisons being made, I'm going to say it again. Breasts are sexual. Worldwide, in every nation, tribe, and language. Ask your husbands/SO's. If they're honest, they'll tell you the same thing. And, yes, the same should apply to low cut/ too tight shirts, too. That's where the difference lies for me between say this situation and something like a foot fet*** or pedophile. God made women's breasts as both sexual and functional, and made men to find them sexual. I don't see why men should be expected to be able to turn off part of their brains just because a woman is breastfeeding. ETA: Reading what I wrote over, I don't want it to sound like the man is doing nothing wrong. Lust is a sin, and, yes it sounds like he has some issues to deal with. He needs to choose to look away from something that might cause him to stumble. But as his sister in Christ, I would just want to make sure that I wasn't doing anything that might make it harder for him to deal with his weaknesses.

While I agree w/ what you wrote, I still don't think it means I need to leave to feed my baby. I just feel like I'm doing enough already. I sit in back, I'm discreet. I'm not up, walking around, flaunting it...I sit in my chair in the back of the church (near the door so I can leave if he fusses) and do what needs done.

Originally Posted by z2akids It's your right to breastfeed your baby while sitting there. Plain and simple. That being said, you have to decide what is important to you. You and your DH are helping found a new Church. That is an amazing and difficult undertaking in any circumstances. You need to figure out what is and isn't worth fighting for in your new faith community. Is your place of worship the place you want to take a stand on breastfeeding? If it is, then you need to stand up for what you believe. As long as you are prepared for the likelihood that there will be some controversy in your new community if you make that choice. I think that there are times as mothers that we get our mama bear up when it may not need to be. We have the right and responsibility to feed our children to the best of our ability. However, doing so does not have to be a political statement. It is possible to be accomodating to the feelings of others (whether or not we think their feelins are valid) while still caring for our children and breastfeeding our babies.

Definitely agree with you on the mama bear thing. I even told my pastor I feel like we're making a mountain out of a molehill. He doesn't even nurse during church every week any more. (He normally naps @ 9:30 & church is at 9:45, so he's often asleep or at least already fed, during church.)

She is sympathetic towards my feelings (and my desire to advocate for BFing) but, still thinks we need to compromise somehow.

Originally Posted by sh0rtchica this thread has been an interesting read. --- church is supposed to be an inclusive celebration. way for everyone to put a damper on that.

This thread definitely is interesting...I'll be up 1/2 the night trying to get through it!! I'm only through post 97!

[shelbell]

Janine, I seriously love you right now.

[*Alabamamom*]

Wow.. I would be very upset over something like this.. You are covered and nursing your child for goodness sakes.. it isn't your fault this male member is having 'unpure thoughts'.. perhaps he should go home and take a cold shower, but definitely not any fault of yours mama.

I would simply let them know that you will not be changing your son's feeding habits for the likes of a man that cannot control his fantasies and perhaps when you nurse he should go out into the hall and listen to the sermon on the skype thing. sheesh..

I am going to go ahead and move this thread to the breastfeeding forum for you too mama.. just had to add my thoughts to it first.

[*Peanut*]

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[sandy_dandy]

Tell the pastor you won't pass out cards at your BF group unless BFing is accepted at the church. Then remind her that you have a legal right to nurse and a moral obligation to feed your LO when he is hungry. Finally, that man's impure thoughts are HIS problem. It's not like you were there all by yourself and sitting around topless for no reason or something!