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Old 10-03-2010, 03:15 PM   #11
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

I convinced dh to have homebirths by having #2 in the car enroute to the hospital. When I brought homebirth up to him early in our pg with #3 he was alllll for it. Better a trained midwife there than just him....all by himself...on the side of the road. Honestly, homebirth is soooo much better than being in the hospital that I'd never willingly go back (and my #5 was born in the hossy because he was premature).

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Old 10-03-2010, 04:03 PM   #12
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

if he's really resistant, maybe you can tailor your hospital birth to be as much like you want it to be as possible?

i see the allure of homebirth, but i am also a major worrier and can understand where your hubby is coming from. i just like the comfort of knowing a hospital will have everything/everyone on hand immediately if something goes wrong.

good luck. i hope you have the birth you want.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:29 PM   #13
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

We had a hospital birth with #1 and it all went great, a super Dr., great nurses, all natural labor, nobody pressuring us, etc.
BUT, I really disliked the exact parts you talked about. The "rush" of everything right when the DD was being born, the nurses waking us up in the night, nowhere for DH to sleep, being in 1 room the whole time, etc.

I LOVED my HB for those exact reasons. Surrounded with people I knew VERY well, no "rush" to get things ready at the end, nobody intrupting us after baby was born. It was all just so wonderful.

As for your DH: My DH was the same way. He was just worried about the "what if's". I told him that before he could say "No way" he had to come and meet with a midwife so we could talk to her.
Once he met with her, he was perfectly comfortable with it and he never had a doubt from then on. He didn't realize how well trained they are for "emergencys" and what all they carry. After our HB he said that unless something was wrong, there wasn't any reason to go to the hospital again and that he thought our HB was wonderful and so peaceful.

Meet with a MW. Watch the business of being born with him.
Tell him that HE doesn't have a choice until HE does the research too. Once he's informed, then he should get a say and if he's still uncomfortable to the point where he reuses then that's a different story.
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Old 10-03-2010, 05:42 PM   #14
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

I know what you mean about the every 2 hour wake up call - Goodness is that annoying! Our nurse would wake us up, wake up my sleeping baby, and demand that I feed him. Then she would stay there and stare me down or try to shove my boob in the *sleeping* baby's mouth! And when DS wouldn't eat, the nurse would say, "Ok. I will be back in half an hour." WTF??!! Is she were a smilie, she would be this one:

Anyway, I think having your DH talk to a VERY good, very caring, very experienced midwife might be the best route. I would caution you about 'the business of being born', as that actually turned DH OFF to birthing at home. DH is one of those people who just picks everything apart with his mind (he is an attorney, so he is trained to do this). He found a lot of faults with the movie and their resources. Plus, the movie was SOOOO one sided that DH just stopped wanting to watch it. Anyway, just make sure the info you give your DH is SOLID (reputable publications, quality studies, etc).

I will probably go back to a hospital for any future births, but that is my choice. You should be able to have your choice too. Oh, with all the stuff we have to put up with for those 9 months... we deserve to have a great birth experience! Good luck, mama!!

ETA: 'Brought to Bed' is a great book about the history of child birth in this country. It really helps explain why women want to stay at home, and it is very eye opening to how women were/are treated in hospitals and how it affects us.

Last edited by *Peanut*; 10-03-2010 at 05:45 PM.
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Old 10-03-2010, 07:35 PM   #15
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

My husband watched The Business of Being Born with me and he really got what I was talking about then. I chose a hospital birth because insurance refused to cover a home birth, but I was disappointed with my choice afterwards. I saved about 1000$ but hated being in the hospital. I had the best labor and delivery possible (labored at home and pushed her out in about 15 minutes in the LDR room!) but I hated how the doc tried to rush cutting the cord and the nurses took her away because she was "too cold"- grr. If you really want to birth at home, you probably just won't be happy in the hospital.
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:06 PM   #16
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

Quote:
Originally Posted by steph410 View Post
if he's really resistant, maybe you can tailor your hospital birth to be as much like you want it to be as possible?

i see the allure of homebirth, but i am also a major worrier and can understand where your hubby is coming from. i just like the comfort of knowing a hospital will have everything/everyone on hand immediately if something goes wrong.

good luck. i hope you have the birth you want.
Thats what I did with the 1st one but it still was just not what I wanted, I would have had a home birth with the 1st one too but I lacked preparation time (only found out I was prego at 20 weeks, I was on Depo-Provera and attributed all of the symptoms to that).

Quote:
Originally Posted by songbird516 View Post
My husband watched The Business of Being Born with me and he really got what I was talking about then. I chose a hospital birth because insurance refused to cover a home birth, but I was disappointed with my choice afterwards. I saved about 1000$ but hated being in the hospital. I had the best labor and delivery possible (labored at home and pushed her out in about 15 minutes in the LDR room!) but I hated how the doc tried to rush cutting the cord and the nurses took her away because she was "too cold"- grr. If you really want to birth at home, you probably just won't be happy in the hospital.
Insurance is not a problem for me I am in Canada where it is all covered under the universal health care coverage, but even if midwives weren't covered (like when I was born and my mom paid 2000$ to have a midwife deliver me at home) I would want one. I just hated the hospital birth there is no way I am doing that again (unless there is something wrong with the baby of course).
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:13 PM   #17
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

My DH was unhappy about us homebirthing to start with, but I convinced him that it was what I wanted to do (and I wouldn't put myself/baby at risk intentionally!) & showed him a few resources (though in the end he didn't really read them, just went with my decision...) and I laboured at home for 29 hours, a lot of that time spent in my birth pool. It was great, I dealt with the contractions awesomely (in my opinion better than I would have in the hospital) and I was able to just get on with it, without being hurried or interrupted by hospital staff etc.

I had two MWs who did all my prenatal care (though I started with an OBGYN & it was a waste of money) & they were both there at different stages in my labour.

I got exhausted after those 29 hours because it took a while for me to progress (got stuck at 5cm for a LONG time) and we made the decision to transfer to the hospital - my MWs were with me there (one had to go home after a few hours & the other was there until my daughter was delivered) and I delivered vaginally...no problems, I just went to hospital to get an epidural so I could rest in order to continue.

I had a 43 hour labour in total...so I was at home for a long time & in the hospital for a reasonably long time.

I can definitely say I preferred being at home! If we have another baby then I am determined to deliver at home!

If you find yourself a really good MW (one of mine was also a Doula and they both helped me relax a lot in the later stages of my labour) then she will be able to tell when there is a problem and transfer you to hospital with plenty of time (in most cases) to get what you need in order to deliver safely. MWs are professionals who are trained to deliver babies safely & look after expectant and labouring moms - they are just like Drs & are able to deal with minor problems just as quickly and efficiently as any Dr could.

I probably would have ended up with a C section if I'd gone into hospital and laboured there for 43 hours...for no real reason - just because I was in labour for so long - my baby's heartrate stayed PERFECT throughout the labour and I had no problems either...your body is made to birth a baby and it's quite sad that so many people have lost faith in that. Labouring at home meant I could enjoy the process more & take my time to let my body and baby work....I just wish I'd slept when I had the chance & I probably could have birthed at home too! Assuming I was going to deliver the same day I went into labour was a bit silly

These are all links that were placed in a thread I was participating in in preparation for my homebirth - a ton of us were all planning our homebirths at the same time, helping each other work through any issues that arose, advising on things to have in the house for labour (energy drinks, bland meals, waterproof sheets etc)...These are the links for 'homebirthing dads'.

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/blokesven.htm
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/blokes.htm
http://natality.co.uk/content/view/30/9/
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/papatoto.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/..._feature.shtml
http://www.choicemidwives.org/?page_id=22
http://www.homebirthbook.com/1.html

P.S We took a few minutes to contemplate going to the hospital before I decided I wanted to go in order to get some rest & then gathered a couple things (I ended up wearing DH's PJ pants mind you ) and I got in the car with DH and we headed to the hospital & my MW arrived 10-15 minutes after us after we'd checked in... It wasn't an emergency, it was just a calm decision and transfer so I could rest and continue!!
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:34 PM   #18
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

Homebirthing is great, when it goes well. A midwife is great too- but when something goes terribly wrong, I want a doctor because I went through too much, WAY TOO MUCH, to get pregnant just to lose a child. When I worked in the ER, I saw one too many dead babies and many more dead mothers to even entertain the notion of a homebirth. I saw them cut a screaming baby out of a dead mother when I was seven months pregnant and it just scarred me forever. It was the most horrible thing I had ever seen. Sorry for being blunt, just my opinion through experiences. I know it is terrible to think about, but it is a reality that I feel many skirt around.

That being said, yeah I hated my hospital birth but it was necessary (emerg. c/s, she was too early) but I was very determined that no one was going to tell me what to do. And no one did I used to envision giving birth in some huge warm bath, with just family around and a nice midwife. It is a beautiful vision, I just frankly don't have the balls to risk it so I just have to make do with what I have
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:37 PM   #19
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

I understand; my dh was really hesitant and all he could think about were the "what ifs." Because I was so insistent and passionate, he promised he would do his best to keep an open mind while we interviewed midwives. The very first midwife we interviewed was a CNM and very medically minded. Because of that, I didn't hire her (it was like having an OB at home) but it really reassured him that midwives very much know what they are doing. The more interviews we did, the more he began to trust. In the end, he thought homebirth was the best thing we ever did and tells everyone about it.
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:41 PM   #20
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Re: Home Birth V.S. Hospital Birth

How is an ER comparable to a homebirthing situation? If you have a homebirth, a health professional will have already confirmed that you are low risk. If something goes wrong, they are trained to recognise the signs BEFORE it becomes an emergency...
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