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Old 10-23-2010, 08:41 PM   #1
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Momma Guilt

I swear I never thought there would be so much guilt that came along with being a mom or even a women for that matter. I have a very loving caring husband (who is hot to boot ), and two beautiful healthy little boys. We live in a very nice beautiful home and drive new(er) cars. My husband's job allows me to stay at home. Money, although it is tight, I have learned (and am still learning) how to stretch it and we have been current on our bills for over a two years and have even paid off major credit card debt.

I know there are alot of mommas who would love to stay at home. I can only imagine how hard it is to leaving your lo everyday. Kids grow up so fast and I don't want to miss a minute of anything. But somedays I just want to be alone. I want to be able to shower or take a bath by myself, to watch something not animated. I want to be able to eat warm food and read a book. I LOVE to read. I want to be able to sleep through the night in my King size bed and not hanging off the side or have a foot stuck in my back. I want to be able to run in and out of a store and not worry about if it is too close to nap/eating time. Have an adult conversation!

My DH works an insane amount of hours b/c he is dedicated. We wouldn't be where we are today without all of his hard work. We live hours away from any family and I am a pretty quite person who doens't easliy make friends. DH works from about 5:30 am until 7 or 8pm, so it is just the boys and me.

I feel sooo guilty for feeling all of this. I am blessed beyond measure. DH could be a jerk who would't work and take care of his family. The boys could have health problems, we could be living on the street wondering where our next meal was comming from.

I know that one day I will wish I could feel that little foot in my back again or have ds crawl up into my lap and fall asleep.I know I will miss all these things that are stressing me out now.

If you made it this far, thank you. I guess I just needed to vent to someone other than my mother or hubby. Sometimes it just seems so dark and lonely and I guess the past couple of weeks have really taken their toll. I know things will look up they always do.

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Old 10-23-2010, 08:51 PM   #2
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Re: Momma Guilt

Awe ((hugs)).....we all go through this I think. I know I do. Like, sometimes, I want to drive in my car without listening to "She'll be coming round the mountain" on repeat, and I would love to sit through an entire meal without needing to fill someone's milk, pick up their fork, or, wipe a bum I do think its important to try and carve out a little me time every once in a while. We found a neighbour girl who will sit for an hour or so...sometimes I will just aimlessly drive for that hour, relishing the quiet and listenint to music I like Is it possible for you to find a teen nearby and get a few minutes to destress? Even if they came and sat with your kids, while you took a bath I also find it helps to get out to places where there are other moms. Here we have Early Years Centers...which are all over the place, free and have great play areas for the kids, geared to 6 and under, and lots of other moms to chat with while the kids play Maybe you have access to something similar?
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Old 10-23-2010, 09:01 PM   #3
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Re: Momma Guilt

I'm having one of those days too today... you're not alone! And I agree with PP we all go through it nothing to feel guilty about. We are people who have needs too!
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:21 PM   #4
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Re: Momma Guilt

*hug* I say find a mommy group in your area and see if you can get a little adult interaction. I understand what you're feeling though... But since my two younger ones started school life has gotten SO much calmer for me... I can take a bath or a nap in the middle of the day without fear of anyone burning anything down. Good luck!
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:28 PM   #5
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Re: Momma Guilt

I completely understand where you are coming from... I think all Mamas probably do!
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Old 10-24-2010, 08:39 PM   #6
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Re: Momma Guilt

Just because you want something else does not mean that you are not grateful for what you currently have. There is no rule out there that says we mothers are supposed to give up our dreams, hobbies, friendships, none kid friendly interests, etc. for the sake of motherhood. Find a way to be yourself and balance some time to take care of yourself, stimulate your brain, feed that need for conversation. Stop letting guilt keep you from being a fully well rounded person. Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy. Trust me, your children would much rather have a happy vibrant mother than a martyr. There have been some hard choices or maybe controversial choices (as far as DS mamas are concerned) that I have made in the pursuit of doing what truly works for me and I don't feel guilty about it at all. For example, we don't co-sleep past five or six months. It's not the choice that everyone would make but this is the right choice for us. I am a happier mom when I am well rested and that wasn't happening when the kiddos where in bed with us even though there were parts of co-sleeping that I truly enjoyed. Parenthood is full of a lot of tough choices so it might be time for you to straight out ask for your husband to cut back hours, for you to find a babysitter and take an evening off every week or so, to make a trip to visit family, start a new hobby or whatever it takes to fill those needs you have. Taking care of mom IS an important part of taking care of the kids. On a side note, my DH also works A LOT of hours so I understand it is a really challenging position to be in. I hope you figure out some things to your benefit and soon! Good luck!
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Old 10-24-2010, 08:47 PM   #7
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Re: Momma Guilt

I could have written your post a few months ago. Motherhood is a tough balancing act. You have to find some time for you too. mama.

Now I'm on the other side. I've gone back to work and I MISS my babies. I hate leaving my LOs every day and would give ANYTHING to stay home with them again. Motherhood is hard no matter what your situation. I feel like I have less time for myself than before (but more adult interactions, sigh)

No one judges you for having those feelings. If people are honest w/ themselves, nearly everyone has had similar feelings at some time or another. GL mama.
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Old 10-25-2010, 09:32 AM   #8
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Re: Momma Guilt

Thanks everyone

Yesterday was a very bad day. So as soon as DH walked through the door I talked to him about how I felt, he tried to help. But you know males are not very comfortable dealing with "feelings" So I made sure things were okay with the kiddos and Ileft. For the first time in I have no idea how long, I went to town alone. It was nice to be able browse around. I wasn't gone that long only a few hours, but it was nice. I guess I need to do that once a week , just get out. When I got home dh had done some laundry and even put it away. Anyway thank you all for you support.
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:27 AM   #9
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Re: Momma Guilt

I'm glad your DH was helpful even if he didn't completely understand.
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:34 AM   #10
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Re: Momma Guilt

I have one evening out alone a week. I just go to a friends for dinner and we talk and watch tv. It helps big time!
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