Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-22-2010, 08:33 AM   #1
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

I have an almost 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. When baby comes, they will be 4.5 yrs old and almost 3. So, I'm wondering about having them at our homebirth. How did you decide this?

I realize every kid is different, etc. But, how can you tell how they will react? What if they totally freak out?

Of course, you'd prepare them first, explain what to expect, etc. I'm just worried b/c once they see something that's traumatic for them, you can't take it back or erase it. KWIM? How do you know you're making the right choice?

At first, I definately didn't want them here, but the farther I get in pregnancy, the more I feel like maybe I might want them here.

On the other hand, I scream loudly and I have a very hard time controlling myself through the pain. I don't focus at all, I whine, and moan, and sound horrible, like I'm being killed. I wish I could be that calm, scerene woman who gently and merrily gives that last push, but I'm just not. Or at least I haven't been for my last 2 births... maybe that would change if my kids were present? But what if it doesn't and they wind up completely mortified?!

Advertisement

Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 08:47 AM   #2
Leah52's Avatar
Leah52
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Clifton Forge, VA
Posts: 6,653
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

One thing to consider too is if having your kids there and you holding back might make you irritable. My kids have always been in the house but never in the room for the actual delivery. But they aren't easily frightened and have never seemed bothered by my noises which are cow like. lol
__________________
Jesus follower, pacifist, homeschooled, homeschooling mama of 5
For there to be peace at home there must be peace in the heart. ~Lao Tzu
Leah52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 09:04 AM   #3
tedcgh's Avatar
tedcgh
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,767
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

DD is super sensitive to how I am feeling. If I cry or throw up she is right there next to me asking me whats wrong. She picks up on cues when I am uncomfortable especially last night when I was having frequent strong contractions and she kept telling me she wishes I felt better. SO with that said, I don't want her to be there for my labor. I just think it would be too much for her.
__________________
Tiffany Wife to Charlie(5/31/03) Proud Mommy to Maylee(11/19/07) and Aven(10/27/10) Cautiously expecting our Rainbow in March
tedcgh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 09:32 AM   #4
Pikemommy's Avatar
Pikemommy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,336
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

I don't know if my kids can handle it or not, but I do know I can't handle them being there. I need to focus on me and I can't do that if I'm worried about them and how they are reacting/feeling. I'm having a hospital birth and I also don't want them to get in the way or touch things they aren't supposed to... I don't want them hurting themselves or anyone else. It's less stress for me to know they are being lovingly cared for and safe while I'm in labor.
__________________
Lindsey with DH 1/06. Sonographer turned SAHM to:
N 10/06 7lb 9oz 23in, L 5/09 6lb 12oz 20in , and
R 1/11 8lbs 7oz 21.5in, 2/14, 4/14, 5/14, & a lost twin at 9wks 8/14.
S 3/15 7lbs 15oz 20.5in
Pikemommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 10:43 AM   #5
Mum2Addison's Avatar
Mum2Addison
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Edwards AFB, CA
Posts: 385
My Mood:
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

My DD is 4 1/2 and desparately wants to be there, but the hospital I have to birth at won't let her be there I've told her I'll be making noise and yelling etc. and it doesn't bother her. A PP mentioned that their DD is concerned with mum being sick, etc. I've had multiple losses and so whenever I was puking copiously I'd be telling her that this is a good sign and the baby is growing. Now, if I'm ever sick she thinks it's a good sign, bless her.
I think it depends on how they react to other aspects of the pregnancy and how well you prepare them and if you think they'd be able to handle it. If you start moaning or yelling and it begins to distress them you could always have them leave, right?
__________________
*)
.*)
. .*) .*)
(. (.* .
`-*Brigette.*`.:*

Mummy to Addison (4/06) and Freya (12/10) AF Wife to Matt
Mum2Addison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 10:54 AM   #6
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mum2Addison View Post
If you start moaning or yelling and it begins to distress them you could always have them leave, right?
Well, this is sort of our problem, we live an hour from family, and my last birth was an hour and a half. So, I need to make plans in advance if I am going to have someone come get our LOs.

I wonder if I could just wait and see what time of day it is. If it's the middle of the night, I wonder if they would even hear me...
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 11:22 AM   #7
gigismomma's Avatar
gigismomma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,673
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

I know it would have been traumatic for my 2 1/2 year old, so it was an easy decision. She is pretty sensitive and I know she wouldn't have understood why mommy was hurting/moaning/screaming, and why nobody was helping her. Even if we explained the process to her 100 times, I know she would have been traumatized, and I didn't want to deal with that added stress during labor, either. Also, labor is so unpredictable.......even if you think you have prepared them (and yourself) for the process, you just never know. I think an older child has a better understanding and can actually appreciate being part of the experience, but in my opinion I would not have your LOs present (of course it depends on the child, I do understand that. I can also respect those who choose to have the whole family present). I had a very painful transition this time around, and I am SO glad that my daughter didn't have to see me like that. At her age she can't even communicate well what she is feeling, and I worried about her being even more affected than she could show, because she couldn't understand or communicate her feelings/fears/etc. But again, I do have a sensitive child!

Good luck with your decision
gigismomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 11:27 AM   #8
Mamatoabunch's Avatar
Mamatoabunch
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,535
My Mood:
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

My first HB my twins were 20 months and they stayed at Papa's house. W/ my last 7 all my kids were home, all UC's, sometimes asleep, sometimes not. None of my littles at the time were troubled by my noises, cries, or yelling.
__________________
Annabelle Mom to Makaley 19, Arden 19, Anniston 18, Taegan 15,Balen 13,Kellen 11, Ellery 9,Innish 7,Eiley 5, Finnian 4, and Esca 2, and Isolde 1/16/2014, 10th hbac, 9th uc.
Mamatoabunch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 11:38 AM   #9
wild fire child's Avatar
wild fire child
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,726
My Mood:
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

For me, it's always just been assumed. When my brother was born, I was 2 and my sister was 4, we were present but playing outside and my sister got to cut the cord. When I had DS, my mom caught the baby and my baby brother (2 years old) was there, nursing right up until DS was crowning, and excitedly talked about the baby once DS was out. Now DS will be 2 when the new baby is born, and he'll have the option to be in the room or not but I'm sure he'll want to be. I'm not particularly loud, not shrieky (more groaning I guess), and I don't think it'll scar him in any way - I know it didn't bother my brother! Besides, when DS sees people in pain all he wants to do is kiss it better, so if I say I have owws and point to my shoulder, he believes that's what's up and kisses it, and when I had morning sickness he was fine with waiting with his dad until I was ready for him to come kiss it better. All he needs is a reason and he's willing to be patient and just watch.
wild fire child is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 05:02 PM   #10
jewelzbird's Avatar
jewelzbird
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 2,182
My Mood:
Re: How did you decide whether to have your LOs present for your unmedicated birth?

I have labored over this decision also. It is a really hard one. My midwife says siblings usually handle it okay, but that you know your child best. I have decided to try to not hvae my son here for the birth and made arrangements that may or may not work out depending on when baby comes. So there is still the chance he will be here so I have talked to him a little about the hard work of giving birth in case. My son is very sensitive to my feelings. One thing my midwife mentioned, and I feel this is the case for me, is that the mom can be so in tune with the toddler that she can't let go and do what she needs to do. That worries me because when births get held up like that heart rates drop and things can get dicey. I think very few woman calmly and quietly push babies in to the world without an epidural. I wish I could do it too. But realistically I need to be able to let myself go and get this baby out. Good luck with your decision! Many of my friends have had siblings present without issues.


P.S. My midwife did mention that the one thing she has seen go badly several times is the wake the sibling to watch the last pushes technique. If they have not been present for the labor, they often freak when woken for the end. She said she has seen fathers miss the birth because they are tending to the upset toddler.
__________________
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching"

Last edited by jewelzbird; 10-22-2010 at 05:08 PM.
jewelzbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.