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Old 10-22-2010, 12:01 PM   #1
USMCgirl_05
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I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

My just turned 17 yo sister lives with us. I'm about 7 years older than her...We took her in because she had been getting D's and/or F's in school and hanging out with the wrong crowd, smoking weed and drinking Our father died in November '08 and things were really rough before that too, he and my sister didn't have a good relationship.

Okay so did I think it would be easy and fun and awesome having her live here? Absolutely not- I knew it would be rough but I wasn't doing it for me, I made a sacrifice to help a family member.

She is driving me absolutely INSANE!!!

We live in a 3 bedroom/2 bath and she gets one (large) bedroom and bathroom all to herself. We occasionally bathe the kids in that bathroom but that's it. When she first got here last January we spent a TON of money on getting her new clothes, she only had like 2 pairs of jeans and not much else. We bought a dresser for her room, new bedding, all kinds of stuff. She got her hair cut and highlited. We JUST gave her $200 for school clothes shopping in the end of August. She had her hair cut again at a nice salon.

And with all that you would not believe the amount of crap I've had to say no to! I bought her some Uggs on ebay, she complained because she wanted Coach shoes TOO. She needed a "professional" looking outfit for some speech test at school, I spent $60 on her at the mall and the very next day she was complaining on Facebook about not having any clothes. Then I found out that she was also texting my mom saying that she left Iowa with no clothes and she STILL has no clothes. Are you freaking kidding me? I was so mad.

She complains because she's bored. She wants something to do. She wants a job, she wants a car, she wants to get her license. And she actually told me and DH that it is OUR fault that she doesn't have a job!! She said because we "didn't take her to get applications". Well, we go to stores and restaurants all the time, it's not like she's confined to the house. She makes absolutely no effort to get a job and apparently assumes that it will all fall into her lap.
I'm so sick of her overinflated sense of entitlement and blaming everyone else for anything she's not happy with in her life. I have no sympathy for her, when I was 17 I was working 3 jobs and supporting myself completely, I moved out my Junior year of high school.

Just yesterday she wanted me to take her to the store so I could buy her a new toothbrush, shampoo/conditioner and makeup. I know what that means, it means she wants to pick out a bunch of crap she doesn't need and I get to pay for it all. So I told her okay, I'll pay for your toothbrush and shampoo stuff, if you want makeup you can use your allowance to pay for it. So she grumbles about that for a while. Then she asks me when she can get her hair cut and dyed again. We JUST got haircuts not even 6 weeks ago! I was like okay, I'm not paying for you to get your hair dyed all the time, it's crazy expensive. If you want to use your allowance for it that's fine. So she's all pissed off at me, and trying to tell me that she can go to the wal mart salon because it starts at $40 and it's not THAT expensive. What??! No, use your allowance I already told you I'm not paying for it.
So she got some dye in a box and was going to use that. Then this morning I see on her facebook that she's complaining AGAIN about it saying that her hair dye that she bought is not working and she "wishes she could get her hair dyed in a salon like she USED to".

So I posted on there, "if it's important enough to use your own money for then be my guest".

Thanks if you got this far, I am just at the end of my rope with her, no matter what I say nothing gets through and it's just constant complaints

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Old 10-22-2010, 12:12 PM   #2
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

wow. she sounds incredibly ungreatful. If I were in your situation, I think I would start yanking anything that you were buying for her besides necessities, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, stuff like that. If she wants more expensive stuff then she can get a job and buy it herself. Ya'll have been way nice to her and she needs to learn what it's like to be greatful for things.....

Just my .02
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:22 PM   #3
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Wow that sounds very hard to deal with. I think you're handeling it very well. She can pay for all the other things that we don't do all the time because it is a waste of money. Hope things get better for you!
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:26 PM   #4
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

Time for some tough love? It seems no matter what you do, she's gonna b----. If she's going to be that ungreatful to you, I think it's time she got a job and paid for her own stuff. you are not obligated to buy her extras she just wants. I understand providing things she needs, but things she wants? esp when she's gonna complain about it? nuh-uh.
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:33 PM   #5
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

This is what my husband and I said we'd do if our son ever got like this (we'll see if it ever happens) - Take all clothes except uniforms (our schools require polo shirts of certain colors and khaki pants). Basic bedding and basic needs. For a girl, this would mean no dye jobs or highlights. Just maintenance hair cuts. And no make-up. It would apply to our son, too if he did that stuff. NO extras. AT ALL. Just what is required to get by. And it's not neglect. You have to provide clothing, shelter, food and medical care. This does NOT mean designer anything or extras for vanity.

He'd also be putting in some volunteer time somewhere where people really wee in need. And he'd have to start earning his extras back. Little by little. We work very hard and will not tolerate such ungratefulness.
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:55 PM   #6
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

Yeah I'm pretty much done with the "extras". Seriously tired of it- I will buy her necessities (which my parents didn't even do for me!) and anything else she wants she can buy herself. SO, so sick of her attitude. And I have no qualms about telling her how it is.

We do get a SS check every month for death benefits from our father, since I am her legal guardian- for some reason she thinks that money is supposed to be spent on trips to the mall for her??? I have no idea why, I've told her time and time again that the money is for US to provide food and shelter for HER, it is so expensive and she just doesn't get it. Maybe if she gets a job making minimum wage she will see just how far that money goes!
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:13 PM   #7
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

I can totally relate. My 13 yr old niece lives with us. The basic behaviors and ungratefulness are the same even with the age difference. It really sucks. I'm sorry that you are having to go thru it too. My biggest issue is that I have babies. Hell, I'm only 26, and am still figuring out parenting my own kids. It is a huge burden, and we can only hope that one day they can look back and realize that all of it was for their benefit.

My niece is supposed to be moving out. It's been 2.5 years and her dad is supposedly moving into a place in our town so she can live with him and still be close to the friends she has made. She's really pissed and has been crying/moping/getting angry because the house he will be renting isn't nice and she's embaressed to have friends over. Gah.
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:22 PM   #8
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

is there any way for her to start "helping" pay the bills. honestly my sister is 17 (6 yrs between us) and she is the same way. she is living in a bubble as far as cost goes... for everything she gets money from my parents.

i would stop buying everything for her. give her X amount of money to budget with for fun stuff and necessities. if she doesn't have enough money for toothpaste she could use baking soda.

yes she is acting entitled but you are also enabling. what teenager needs her hair dyed? honestly...

by helping i meant, actually laying out the bills and showing her how much everything is down to water bill, home insurance, electric... you know all stuff you have no idea about until you live on your own.
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:28 PM   #9
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

who pays her allowance? You? Or does it come from somewhere else? I totally agree, stop buying her stuff! If she gets an allowance, she can buy her own toothbrush. I don't know, this is going to sound silly but it reminds me of the episode of the Cosby show where they turned the house into the "Real World Apartments" and Theo had to buy everything and pay for everything and stop freeloading. Maybe talk to her and ask her, when she moves out who's going to pay for the clothes and makeup and hairstyles? But try not to do it in a "you think you're hard done by" (what my dad always said ) way, she probably won't hear it. we had a friend's son live with us for a few weeks, and let's just say
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Old 10-22-2010, 01:36 PM   #10
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Re: I am NOT supposed to have a 17 year old *VENT*

Yes, I "pay" her allowance...we got her one of those paypal student cards recently, I got so sick of her asking for crap all the time!
She does nothing to help around the house, I make her clean her room and bathroom before she gets her allowance though. And she does watch the kids occasionally, but usually DH and I will go out to a movie or something after the kids are already in bed. I was homeschooled and used as a built in babysitter/cook/maid so I know how it feels and I wouldn't do that to her- so really when we ask her to watch them I feel like it's a reasonable request.

I should definitely give her a "bill" showing what the cost of living is, maybe that would knock some sense into her lol! 1/3 of the mortgage, utilities, plus the cable and internet since she has TV in her room and uses DH's old laptop. Not to mention food and everything else!
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