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Old 11-28-2010, 10:07 PM   #11
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

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I COMPLETELY understand! I feel the exact same way, I have 5 children and only 2 were full term. My last 2 babies were born at 33 weeks and 29 weeks...a total of 18 weeks, or 4.5 months of missed pregnancy! With my last baby, my milk didn't even come in, I was unable to pump anything the poor lactation consultant felt so bad for me she didn't even charge the $50 for the pump rental I still feel cheated on missing that much pregnancy. We haven't decided for sure yet if we will try again, but I almost feel determined to prove to myself that I can have another full term pregnancy, experience breastfeeding again, bring the baby home with me-all those things I couldnt' do with my preemies...
do they know what caused them to come early?

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Old 11-29-2010, 05:10 AM   #12
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

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do they know what caused them to come early?
Well, with my 10 year old (my 35 weeker) I had a suspected twin pregnancy and lost the twin at 14 weeks...after that things seemed fine but went into preterm labour at 35 weeks and was already 6 cms by the time I got to the hospital so they couldn't stop it. He was 5lbs, 7oz and stayed in NICU for 10 days for jaundice.
My 33 weeker (my 2 year old), there was a mess up on my chart when my family doc forwarded my chart to the OB and the date my OB got made me 2-3 weeks further along than I was. I had been leaking fluid and my OB did an internal exam thinking I was 35-36 weeks (which is still early for this) and I was actually 2cms dilated...I went into labour that night-his exam triggered my labour. My son weighed 4lbs 11oz and spent 18 days in NICU for feeding/digestive issues and jaundice.
My 29 weeker (12 months real age, 9 adjusted)...I developed a subchorionic hemorrage at 7 weeks, by the time I was 18 weeks I ended up with 2 of them and the blood irritated my uterus causing early contractions. I was hospitalized at 23 and 26 weeks for having labour like contractions and put on mag sulfate to stop them. At 28 weeks I had a postive fetal fibronectin test (preterm labour test) and my water broke. Mag sulfate again stopped my labour and I was put on hospital bedrest. My son was born 5 days later weighing 2lbs 14oz. He spent 6 weeks in NICU with NEC, and feeding/digestive issues and weight gain. Now he is absultely healthy other than asthma, and is only 2lbs less than my 2 year old
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Old 01-23-2011, 04:31 PM   #13
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I think it's natural to feel sad that you missed out on the end of your pregnancy... I have three kiddos and number four on the way. Ds1 was 35wks, DS2 32wks and DD 34wks. What really triggers me is for a new mom to say to me "oh, you were lucky! You got to come home, relax and heal before bringing the baby home, I wish I'd had that opportunity!" I have gone off on friends for saying that.

Or when a friends says "oh, be GLAD you missed out on the very end! It sucks!" I have to think, no, what sucks is having your baby rushed away from you when you don't know if they're going to be okay... what sucks is being stuck in a hospital while your baby is rushed hours away. What SUCKS is walking out of maternity ward empty handed. There are so many things that to me suck much worse than being huge, uncomfortable and beyond ready for your baby to get here...

So, I think it's totally understandable to feel sad that you missed out on something. Hang in there mama!!
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Old 01-23-2011, 10:56 PM   #14
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I think everyone is right there with you. Everybody expects that they'll get those full 9 months of pregnancy. But for some of us, it just doesn't happen. I have 2 preemies. I planned beautiful OOHBs for both of them. And I delivered prematurely both times. The first time was SUCH a shock. I was only 27 weeks along. I expected so much more. And everything was a reminder of how I had failed to stay pregnant. I wanted to wear her when she finally came home, but babywearing advocacy things like "NINO" made me feel inferior too! My baby didn't GET her "nine in" before her nine out. And with my son, I was expecting it... But it still hurt. And I mourned the loss of my chance at a home birth. (He was supposed to be my last baby). It really was easier the second time. But that first time... It's just awful to walk out to go home totally empty handed. Empty arms, empty belly... When just days ago someone was in there kicking. Now you've got this tiny little person who you can't even touch, waiting for you in a plastic box you get to visit them at. Not what the newborn stage is supposed to be. And nobody who hasn't been there seems to even remotely understand.
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:39 PM   #15
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I completely felt that way - and cheated out of labor too because I had to have an emergency C-section. I feel a lot better about it now though. I think it is mostly because my son is catching up to the other babies his age (almost!). When I hear about friends labor stories I get a little twinge of jealousy but I still have hope that I will go full term with the next baby!
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:40 PM   #16
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I completely understand. I think it has been even harder for me since going back to my doctor at 6 weeks PP when he basically told me no more babies. I had a really hard time with that because I feel like I not only missed out on my last month of pregnancy but now I don't have another chance!

I haven't figured it out really but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!
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Old 02-13-2011, 03:17 PM   #17
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I understand.

After I had my preemies I was writing about the birth in my pregnancy journal and saw all the missed weeks and just started crying.

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Old 02-15-2011, 11:35 AM   #18
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I totally feel this way, too. I also had a surprise c-section (baby was breech), so I'm sad over missing the delivery I'd been hoping for.
Even though my daughter is doing well now, is healthy and breastfeeding well, I still feel sad when I think about the way things should have gone...

Especially since this is my last baby.

A couple of friends were due around the same time as me and had full-term babies with uncomplicated deliveries. That was really hard for me to take at the time.
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Old 02-23-2011, 11:11 AM   #19
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

It still makes me sad too, it's been 18 months since. Sometimes I feel so selfish, because I liked being pregnant - feeling you move, getting the looks, getting pampered :P. I've since wondered what it would be like to be 35-42 weeks pregnant. I feel fortunate though, I have an extremely healthy little boy and got almost the delivery I wanted (only down side was how he was wisked away at the end, though I got to hold him briefly after cutting cord/exam all swaddled up but before going to the Special Care Nursery.

I am somewhat terrified of having baby #2 someday, wondering if I'll have to go on the yet to be proven effective bedrest and if I'll make it past 33/34 weeks even with bedrest. The 11 days DS spent in the SCN were so hard, if I went into labor at 33/34 weeks again I know that I would just break into tears at the first signs.
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Old 02-23-2011, 06:34 PM   #20
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Re: Feeling sad over missing the end of the pregnancy.

I totally get it...I had natural labor with all my full terms, went over 40 weeks with each.

Then with my preemie.. I spent the whole 6 months worrying, it was problem after problem. He also just started getting big enough to feel him kick when he was born. Then I was asleep when he was born, and didnt even see him until he was a few hours old. Then even longer before I could pick him up..Yes at times I feel cheated, at other times thinking about it makes me very sad, even with the ultimate great outcome, but then it passes, and I hug him, and for me I rememeber he wasnt supose to make it...and I dont care what I missed, and just so happy he is with me...but yes at times I feel the same
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