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Old 11-02-2010, 02:51 PM   #1
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MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

We have been very upfront with everyone that we do not (I guess that is did not) want to cut DS hair. My MIL watched DS overnight Friday and when I picked him up Saturday his hair was cut. She said she didn't think I would be upset. This is the nicest lady I have ever met and I love her dearly. I am so hurt by this that all weekend I was crying and an emotional wreck.

DH hasn't said anything to her and was just as upset as me. I really don't know what to do. I can't get past it. I didn't get to hold him when his hari was cut, get to take pictures or get to take him somewhere special for being a good boy, all the things I would have done.

How do I get past this? Everytime I look at DS I see the hair cut (which was not a good one either). I think MIL tried to make it where I wouldn't notice and it isn't even. I can't even bring myself to take him to have it fixed because I didn't want to cut it in the first place.

I'm so mad/hurt and can't seem to stop thinking about this. Sorry, I just need to vent.

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Old 11-02-2010, 02:55 PM   #2
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent



I would have been so upset if my MIL had done this. I love DS's hair when it gets long. Can you fix up the hair cut, and treat it like it was his first - pictures, celebration, etc.? It doesn't make it better, but it might help.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:55 PM   #3
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

sorry mama, I'd be upset too.... wish I had the right words, but a special moment was taken from you, even though she meant no ill will I'm sure, you just have to let time get you past it.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:55 PM   #4
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

You need to talk to her about this. If you think she really didn't do it to be mean, then I would try to do it as nicely as possible, but I would be honest. I would have DH do it since it's his mom, but he needs to tell her that you are both devastated about it. And that it's completely unacceptable... you are the parents, and you guys make the decisions about things like that.

That is seriously insane. I hear stories like this all the time and I don't get it, on what planet is it okay to cut someone else's kid's hair??
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:09 PM   #5
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

I totally understand you. It is horrible!!! How can she do that without asking you?! You have to tell her that it is unacceptable. Who knows what else she will do while you are away from you kids?
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:16 PM   #6
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

I'm sorry. I would have flown off the handle big time. I probably still would. I didn't cut Tharen's hair till he asked to have it done when he was 2.5. It would have been a huge deal if some one would have done it before then because we were letting him decide to have it done. Like the pp said you need to lay down the law with her because if she will do this when she knew you didn't want her to what else will she do behind your back? She may be nice, but you are the mama and she needs to know you mean business.
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:16 PM   #7
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

Oh that is awful! My MIL is the same way, super sweet wouldn't hurt a fly but just does some really stupid and annoying things sometimes. There are so many times she does things but I just have to keep my mouth shut, not worth hurting her feelings. But with something like this I would defintely say something. Either your DH or both of you should just be honest with her that it is upsetting you and that she can't do stuff like that anymore. She needs to know that she can't go doing things like that without your permission. And then give lots of examples of things you would want her to check with you on. My MIL will ask me if its OK for DS to have/do the littlest most basic things...it makes me feel like I am like a crazy mom who wont let DS do anything. But then she will do other things without asking me that I am not OK with. So make sure she understands what is and isn't OK!
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:47 PM   #8
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

Oh, Mama! What on earth was she thinking! I want to cry for you just thinking about this. That first haircut is a major milestone - the transition from baby to little boy! To just do that without your presence and permission - much less without taking pictures and saving the first lock of hair cut - is unthinkable. She may be thinking a haircut is no big deal, but to just cut a child's hair without the parent's permission is unacceptable, and to do it for the first haircut is beyond words. Since you do have a good relationship with her, you need to talk through it with her and resolve your feelings. But immediately she needs to understand that she has done something that has hurt you deeply and that you may need time to get through some of your feelings before you can forgive and repair your relationship.
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:13 PM   #9
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solomon's Mama View Post
Oh that is awful! My MIL is the same way, super sweet wouldn't hurt a fly but just does some really stupid and annoying things sometimes. So make sure she understands what is and isn't OK!
uh, is it age that makes them lose their common sense?? I would be irritated as well but would have said something immediately. this to me is like getting their 1st pics w out you, ears peirced... a BIG milestone.

even tho I cut my boys hair well before a yr, I do it. I am there and its a picture day for us. I woul certainly cry if someone took my own baby bonding moments away from me and my child

I also had to add to my post that YOU MUST speak with her about this. there are so many other things that could come up and if you don't talk about this incident be assured something else will happen that will break your heart. some parents/in laws just don't get it. nice or not.
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:17 PM   #10
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Re: MIL Cut Baby's Hair without me...Vent

My MIL threatened to get DS's haircut. I nicely told her that it was not her responsibility and we would decide when he got his hair cut
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