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Old 11-03-2010, 08:49 AM   #1
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Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

I can't seem to get back in a groove since having my last baby. It actually started when I was first pregnant. I've just felt so lazy for over a year now and its just not me. I've always been go go go. So I guess I don't know if its depression or laziness. I am trying to do 1st and 2nd grade this year and I'd just rather my 2 oldest not be home all day. That sounds horrible but I am so overwhelmed. They are totally out of control and we do not get along at all. Our relationships are being ruined. My house is being ruined. I can't even get them to get dressed. I want to run away with my baby.
I know sending them to public school won't magically fix our relationships and it won't make them more obedient to me. I feel like sending them to PS is a total failure for me, especially in November. I don't want to ruin them. That's my biggest concern. Should I keep on "trying" at home or give up for this year and send them away? I see the school bus go by my house every morning and start tearing up.
I've posted on here before about being overwhelmed but it is just getting worse. My husband doesn't understand. He wants them home but I worry about it being a destructive environment. I'm not so worried about academics at this point. I can't get them to do anything I ask(or demand!) I feel like a failure of a parent.
Has anyone else homeschooled while dealing with depression? Or do I just sound lazy?


Sarah, Homeschooling mom to Hunter 2/03, Jordan 9/04, Nora 10/06, Anna 7/08, Andrew 6/3/10, Charlotte 7/20/12, and someone new 8/2/14
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Old 11-03-2010, 09:02 AM   #2
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Re: Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

Hmmm, that sounds like a tough situation. I haven't had a bought of depression lately, but I have in the past, and I know how debilitating it can be.

PS isn't the worst thing in the world, but I think there are some things you can try before taking that step. Could you put something in place where if they don't get X amount of work done during the week, your dh works with them on the weekend? This way the choice is really up to them, but they are taking away from their weekend if they don't pull it together. I'm sure you've thought of incentive charts, prize boxes and the like, so I won't go into that.

Also, are there classes outside of the home that they can take like swimming, karate, pottery, etc? DD is in a homeschool gym class that she LOVES, and I get to sit and talk to other moms while she is in the class. It helps us get out, she gets active, and I get to talk to other like minded moms. I know when we are feeling down, it can be hard to get ourselves out of the house and doing stuff, but if it is a class for the kids, that can sometimes be a push enough to make ourselves do it.

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Old 11-03-2010, 09:04 AM   #3
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Re: Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

im in hte same boat as you!!! well the almost sending them to school. my kids obey and listen but do not want to do school work and iw ish they would we only do like an hr of work 3 days a week but still its horrible. I would say go with your instinct, gut. If you tear up when the bus passes by maybe thats your self hinting you should. i would try it and if it doesnt change anything by the end of the year or school year then take them back to homeschooling.!!
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Old 11-03-2010, 09:05 AM   #4
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Re: Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

You do NOT sound lazy to me! Hang in there mamma, whatever you decide....remember that you love your kids and that is important and you can't ruin them by one period of out of control life happening. At least I don't think so. I have serious health problems and have also dealt with depression. Getting some pressure to send kids oldest has special needs and I know he'd have to be on drugs which I'm just not ready yet. If you decide to keep them home you're not ruining them, if you decide to send them to school, even if it is for your own sanity, that is good too. You love your kids and you're doing your best. Also remember, you may need some help with the depression. And that help may come in the form of a "break". If you send them to school you can bring them home again when you're feeling better. If you keep them home remember that "this too shall pass" and hang in there! HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!!!

My situation is not what it should be for my kids because of my health. Like really not the best. We recently had threats from an elder about turning us into cps. Because I was so bedridden and sick that I was not caring for my children well. It was horrible awful...I'm the oldest of 11 kids (homeschooled most of the time), 8 of those crazy boys. My mom was not super stable because of her background, she was a wonderful woman in spite of it, but just had emotional issues. All but two are now adults, six married. All five brothers that are married are doing very well in spite of some of the crazy times growing up. My parents gave themselves to their kids, read to them, loved them the best they could in spite of their weaknesses. I am very proud of my brothers, they are great husbands, fathers, and good at what they do, every one of them (business owner, lawyer, missionary, etc). All that to say it has given me hope that it is harder to ruin kids than you think... And kids know when mom and dad loves them and puts them first. Sorry for the long post, just feeling for you....

On the kind of funny side, in one year of craziness my mom asked the principle if she could send the two oldest back for the rest of the year (5th and 6th grade) and he told her, "Linda, you don't want to send your boys up here.." In other words, it is crazier here than at your house, trust me. And he was the main one standing against us when we started homeschooling, "back in the day" (almost 30 years ago!).

Last edited by peacefulj; 11-03-2010 at 09:08 AM.
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Old 11-03-2010, 07:08 PM   #5
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Re: Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

First, you need to go to the doctor. You sound depressed, and that is a MEDICAL CONDITION. Get your butt to the doctor. It does not go away on its own.

Second, refocus your attention. Do things that make you AND the kids both feel GOOD. Forget the curriculum for a little while. Do fun projects. Do things that help you BOND as a family. Do things that get all of you excited again.

Get out of the house! If the school bus going by depresses you, make sure you are getting ready to leave the house at that time. Go for walks to get activity time. Make dates with your kids to go roller skating. Meet up with friends. Anything to get you out and about, active, and interactive. It will make you physically feel better and change your environment, which will help.

Find some local moms and see if you have any local support. Even if you can set up a playdate so you can go shopping for an hour alone, it can do wonders.

It sounds like you need a few different tricks up your sleeve and support.

My best advice is always this: If what is going on is not working, change a few things about it and then re-evaluate. Your first step is to talk to your OB/GYN. Seriously, this could very well be postpartum depression, and you NEED help with this. I could be wrong, but wouldn't you rather have someone who knows the signs check you out? When mama isn't happy, really, no one in the house is happy. The kids will probably be more obedient when mama is feeling better.

Take care of you!

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Old 11-05-2010, 09:56 AM   #6
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Re: Should a depressed mama be homeschooling?

I would definitely see a doctor immediately and talk about the depression.

Second, if you are tearing up when the bus goes by, I would be tempted to try them in public school and see how it goes. They may thrive and love it, in which case you both win. If it doesn't work out, you aren't out anything except some time to yourself to work on your own medical issues, and you can HS again if that is what you feel called to do.
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