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Old 03-12-2007, 09:16 AM   #1
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Graduating from the family bed

I'm not really sure what my question is here so please bear with me (come on...I haven't made a post like this since I was pregnant...I'm way over due! )

DJ will be 3 in July. When he was born I was deadset against cosleeping and was sure he'd sleep in his own crib in his own room from day one. Yeah well, we all live and learn don't we? We coslept off and on from the start and have pretty much full time coslept since he was about 6 months old. The crib has been full of junk since I "cleaned house" right before Christmas 2005! I'm happy with DJ in our bed, dh is not thrilled about it but he's long since given up on fighting it. DJ of course thinks it's his bed and doesn't know anything different. I hate it when my parents make stupid comments like "DJ, tell your mommy you want to sleep in your own bed." I usually tell them he does sleep in his own bed...it's a king size and he's nice enough to let us sleep there too! Anyway... enter baby #2. James was born in July and I assumed that he'd cosleep as well. I wanted to put the crib as a sidecar on my side of the bed but that never happened. It also didn't take long to figure out that James doesn't like cosleeping. If I fell asleep nursing him, he'd fidget and fuss until I put him back in the bassinet or swing. OK, it's all good...as long as everybody is happy and everybody is sleeping I'm flexible.

I guess I'm curious about others who have coslept long term and how that progressed. Right now James is sleeping in a pack and play right beside our bed and DJ is still in our bed. DJ frequently says he wants to sleep in James' bed with him but I don't think that's a good idea. James is teething and going through some other fun stuff so he sometimes wants to be held during the night. I'm just trying to roll with the punches...if he wants to be in our bed, I hold him or sometimes lay him down next to me. If he wants to be in his own bed, I put him there. I am a little nervous about having both babies in our bed but not as much now that James is bigger. DH is REALLY not thrilled about having both of them in our bed. I want to get the "diaper changing room" (that's what DJ calls it! ) cleaned up and put a big bed in there but I'm not sure how to approach it with the kids. I certainly don't want to kick DJ out of our room and let James stay. I've thought about letting both boys sleep in a big bed together in their room and I think that would probably work but then what?

Any thoughts...?

Thanks!

Barb

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Old 03-12-2007, 09:30 AM   #2
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Re: Graduating from the family bed

I don't know about putting DJ & James in the same bed together, I mean, James is a baby, right? Our older dd sleeps in her own room in her bed and the baby co-sleeps, that's just how things are here. I explained to Erika that the baby is just that, a baby, and needs to be closer to us during the night, that she still needs to nurse and stuff, that Erika is a big kid.
I guess I am not really understanding what the problem is? If DJ likes to co-sleep and James really doesn't, and you don't mind the situation, why are you trying to change it? Are you worried that DJ will never leave your bed? I didn't really co-sleep with our oldest, but really, I don't know any kids who started out co-sleeping that don't decide about the age of 5 to go to their own rooms and sleep on their own.
Good luck!
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Old 03-12-2007, 10:24 AM   #3
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Re: Graduating from the family bed

James is a baby but he's almost 8 months now and pretty well built. He's 21 lbs and DJ's 32. When James was tiny I was scared to even have both of them in our bed together, now, I don't worry about it as much. A couple of times they have taken a nap in our bed together, usually while I was folding laundry or something in the same room. I'm not really *trying* to change anything...I guess I'm just wondering what to expect. DJ says sometimes that he wants to sleep in the baby bed in the "diaper changing room" but the times that I've actually cleaned the crib out and offered to let him sleep there he decideds real quick that he wants back in "his" bed. When he stays overnight at my mom's house, he sleeps either in a crib or pack and play by himself there and he's fine with that but when he comes back home, he wants back in "his" bed.

I guess for those who have coslept long term, at what age did your "baby" decide they wanted their own bed? Did they just wake up one day and say "I want to sleep in the other room now" or did you "encourage" them to move to a big boy bed or something? Did an older child ask for their own bed while a baby stayed in the family bed or will the older want to stay as long as the baby is in there? James is a better sleeper than DJ ever was and *usually* (up until the last couple of weeks anyway!) sleeps through the night only feeding once if at all. I don't have any problem having him in the pack and play in our room except that I keep tripping over it. But if he's consistently sleeping through I'd just as soon have him in his room just because of the space issue. But how do I put the baby in a crib in his own room while DJ is still in our bed...that just seems weird to me. And I know if James sleeps in the other room, in a crib or bed or whatever, DJ will want to be with him so I'm wondering if that's the ticket to making the transition. I guess I'm really just wondering how the "graduation" has gone for other families.

Thanks!

Barb
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Old 03-12-2007, 10:51 AM   #4
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Re: Graduating from the family bed

each graduation has been unique. DJ is old enough to "own a bed" so get him one, let him choose the sheets or whatever. Its his bed. If he sleeps in it great, if not, fine. Some kids like a nest on the floor by mommy. Some like to bunk with siblings. Some are so thrilled to pick out bedding they never turn back. Some kids like to look at their bed for awhile.
My 3rd and finicky child at 4 moved into a tiny toddler bed in the room next to ours turned towards my bed so he can watch us sleep. He said when he is 5 he's moving to his big bed upstairs in his big brothers room and his little brother can have the toddler bed.
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