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Old 03-12-2007, 10:51 AM   #1
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Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

ugh, i don't know what to do about this anymore

there is a certain mom in our group of about a dozen women who just really, really rubs me the wrong way. she is SO competetive about the absolute lamest things, to the point where you want to say, "we get it!!!! your child is PERFECT!" and it's not just things about the kids, it's everything. shopping, money, etc etc etc. and the things that aren't "perfect", well she has to bring those up too as if she thinks that we're all fixated on them or something?

i'm very very easy to get along with, but lately she has irritated me so badly that i didn't even go to our playgroup last week. i can't stand that this one person is keeping us from having fun with the rest of the group. but inevitably, she says a multitude of things that just drive me up the wall. i think i just geniunely don't *like* her. and i like everyone! i've never said anything to any of the other group members, but something someone said many months ago made me think that i'm not the only one who feels like this. i would be shocked if i were. but what the heck can you do about it?

i do think that her obsessiveness over these things is rooted in insecurities, but ugh, GET OVER IT!!!

ok, vent over. thanks.

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Old 03-12-2007, 11:34 AM   #2
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

I hear ya! I have someone like that in my life as well... my SIL! She drives me nuts. I LOATHE competitive parenting. it seems to happen on a lot of message boards, too, since you can "brag" about your child and you don't have to back it up with proof, LOL! (not that it happens here, LOL.) Honestly I don't know what to tell ya. I avoid my SIL because of it, to tell you the truth. She lives close by but not TOO close by. I feel kind of badly for her since I tend to think she is over- compensating for something.

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Old 03-12-2007, 01:36 PM   #3
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

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Originally Posted by Proverbs169 View Post
I hear ya! I have someone like that in my life as well... my SIL! She drives me nuts. I LOATHE competitive parenting. it seems to happen on a lot of message boards, too, since you can "brag" about your child and you don't have to back it up with proof, LOL! (not that it happens here, LOL.) Honestly I don't know what to tell ya. I avoid my SIL because of it, to tell you the truth. She lives close by but not TOO close by. I feel kind of badly for her since I tend to think she is over- compensating for something.

mama.
thanks mama

i'm so sorry you have to deal with this too. but it would be ten times worse if this were a family member! at least i *can* choose to cut this person out of my life. it's just not an easy decision and i don't want to take that opportunity for my son to get to play with other little ones once a week. he sees other kids once a week for swim lessons, maybe i should just find one other activity and put the ole kibosh on mom's group.

good luck with your SIL, and i totally agree, i think that competitive parenting comes from some need to over-compensate.
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Old 03-12-2007, 01:46 PM   #4
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

Low self-esteem anyone? I don't think I could handle being around that either. But, if you get along with the other moms it would be a shame to leave the group.

If it were me, I would probably make some gentle comments in response to her "I'm perfect" triades. Something to the effect that self-worth has to come from within and not from external things. It would be pretty veiled and who knows if she would even get it. Then I would change the subject, and keep changing the subject everytime she tried to turn it back on herself.
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Old 03-12-2007, 01:51 PM   #5
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

Yep I think there is one in every group lol. I honestly don't attend playdates anymore because there are two in my group and they just annoy me.
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Old 03-12-2007, 01:55 PM   #6
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

Our closest friends are also friends with a couple that we "used" to be friends with as well. I couldn't stand the wife's self centeredness so I avoid her, and they live across the street. Our front doors literally line up. Anyhow, when our close friends have an event and they are invited, I just stay in another room. It keeps me from making snarky comments.

BTW, we don't generally do playdates. We have other activities that we do each week. I really have to pay attention that I get some adult conversation, though, since our activities, other than errands, are kid focused.
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Old 03-12-2007, 04:52 PM   #7
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

That has got to be really irritating. Probably the best way to deal with this personis to say "that's nice" and immediately change the subject. Or, "I'm so glad your DC is doing so well, your financial situation is so great, etc." and again, change the subject.

If the situation is really intolerable, perhaps you could talk to 1 or 2 of the other moms that you're close to and see if they'd be interested in an alternate day/time to get together to let the kids play.
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:32 PM   #8
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Re: Have you dealt w/ playgroup or mom's group woes?

Sometimes I think I'm "that Mom" - yep insecure first time Mom here and I know I say stupid stuff all the time at my playgroup - I'm grateful that the ladies in my
Group are all first time Mom's too - and put up with me and love on me anyway...

I will say as DD has gotten older - I've gotten a bit wiser and I'm learning to be less judgmental and more respectful.

One lady in our group didn't breastfeed - and without thinking - I know I've said maybe 100 things too make her feel bad -
I think she is such a great Mom and a really wonderful friend for not yelling at me.

It's hard - you want too think you are doing everything "right" and you don't want other people to know that you aren't 100 percent sure of yourself (aka cloth diapers)

Not sure how long you've been in the group - but maybe give it a little time?

I remember feeling like a total JERK - every time I left my playgroup - but in the last few months I have learned how to play better with Mom's who aren't just like me and now I look forward too it and feel like they are happy to have me in the group....

Hope that helps

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