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Old 01-25-2011, 10:09 AM   #1
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Would you ask? *Updated*

Okay, I don't know where to put this, but I am guessing this is the best place!

Anyway, my DH is deployed (has been for 3 weeks now). I went through my couple of days of mourning - just feeling sad about his departure from our "normal" house life. Life usually goes back to normal before the first week is through. This time, I still feel really off, in fact, it feels even worse. I can't decide if it's the hormones mixed with the deployment and lack of sleep or if it could be depression issues.

I feel less involved with the kids - Now, I don't enjoy spending time with them and they make me feel irritable constantly, even if they are just being kids. I hate admitting this. I feel like I am always unhappy with them and that I am showing them that I do not enjoy their company. I am not very lovey with them, (such as cuddling on the couch with them like I used to do, or being sympathetic when they "hurt" their knees).

I don't feel like this is fair to the kids, as they are going through missing their daddy, and my 2 year old is taking it bad. She is being really clingy, but this sets me off the most..having her hang on me all day long and whining. Most days I feel like I can't take it anymore (the clingy and whining). I am getting mad at her instead of being able to make her feel better, but this is an all day experience with her following me around, holding onto me and whining...it get's to be a lot when I need a break or I need to get some work done.

I have been thinking about bringing this all up to my OB, but I am nervous. I feel like every time I see her for my scheduled appointments, I am asking for something...mainly medication. The first time I met her, it was for clomid, second was for anti-nausea, third was for a cough medicine. Or I think that maybe this isn't as serious as it should be to even bring up.

Does this sound like something that could be depression or do you think it is just a lot of stress in a hormonal time in my life? I have my 24 week appointment tomorrow and I am still debating. I honestly don't even know how to bring it up.

TIA

1/26- The doctor was fantastic and made me feel so much better! I can't believe I was nervous to talk to her about this.
She is starting me on 25mg of Zoloft. Hopefully, I start feeling better soon.

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Old 01-25-2011, 10:52 AM   #2
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Re: Would you ask?

Bring it up! One sign of depression is "less enjoyment from routine activities" If its nothing, its nothing. If its something, then its discussed and addressed. Say, "You know, Im feeling silly about this because, well, it seems silly... but... " and just say it.

OBs are your tool and unless you use their expertise and experience, they cant help you! Like the nail isnt going to hammer itself in the wall without you actually reaching for the hammer.

Im sorry its tough, Mama. Good you are noticing and thinking about it tho!

and sucks dh is deployed
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:01 AM   #3
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Re: Would you ask?

Definitely bring it up! It is affecting your daily life, and if there is something that can be done, don't hesitate to do it, mama!

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Old 01-25-2011, 11:16 AM   #4
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Re: Would you ask?

I went through this when I was pregnant with my son (he's now 16 months). My husband is Navy and he left when I was 3 months pregnant and didn't come back until well after the baby was born. I felt the same with my daughter and life in general. I was seriously overwhelmed. I brought it up at my appointment but since I go to a military hospital, they just blamed it on deployment and did nothing for me. If you feel like your quality of life is not the same I would definitely bring it up, and don't let them shrug it off, that was my mistake. The feeling did go away evetually though for me! )
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:22 AM   #5
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Re: Would you ask?

^ ditto to the aboves. DH left when i was 20 weeks preg with Lincoln and R&R was when Linc was 4 mos. he came home when linc was 10 mos. I took it hard...kids took it hard. i was on zoloft during my pregnancy because i was SO SAD. Definately talk to your OB, hun. mama
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:23 AM   #6
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Re: Would you ask?

I would bring it up. Your OB is there to help you through things like this. I don't think your OB is going to think it's weird that you're asking for help. It's not like you've been going in asking for sleeping pills/anti-anxiety medicine and all that crazy stuff that gets people addicted. I wouldn't ask straight up for a medicine but I would bring up all your feelings and see what your OB says. If they just dismiss you then do you have a primary care physician you could go to? Even a psychiatrist might be worth looking into.

Good luck mama! Depression is difficult. And there is such a thing as "situational" depression. I get it once in awhile and it does go away. But it's real - just as real as chronic depression.
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:30 AM   #7
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Re: Would you ask?

It can not hurt to ask and start a conversation with your OB so they know what is going on in your life. They may think meds are a good idea, or they may have other suggestions. Either way, good luck Mama and hang in there!
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:54 AM   #8
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Re: Would you ask?

DDC Crashing - please bring it up with your OB and contact the people that your husband works with (his shop or supervisor). There are a lot of resources on base to help families deal with deployments - not just for you but for your kids also.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:00 PM   #9
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Re: Would you ask?

DH is only gone on exercises right now but we have had a hard transition with it. He should be home in a week or so but this has given me insight on what I will need to do to prepare for the deployment that will be here shortly afterwords.

1. I will be talking to my OB (I think you should too) about my lack of interest and irritability. I also noticed it was heightened when he left.

2. I already have planned out the deployment into smaller chunks of time (His deployment is 10 months so I have broken it up into 3 chunks) to make it more bearable.

3. Find things to look forward to! I have a whole list of things that I want to do or people visiting or us visiting to break up the time.

4. Find more hobbies! I took up sewing when he was gone last time and made a list of books to read.

This is how I am dealing with the oncoming deployment so take and leave what you will I just wanted to share so that maybe you could take something to help. I will be talking to my OB since I have been having many of the same issues as you and he hasn't been gone that long!

Keep heart Mama and PM anytime you want to talk
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:16 PM   #10
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Re: Would you ask?

I probably wouldn't. That's not saying it's not warranted...I'm just a weenie. It sounds like you need a break or to shake it up a bit. Maybe if joined a gym that had daycare and/or did a mommy's day out type program? When your husband is deployed you do EVERYTHING and sometimes it's nice to just be you without a kid hanging on you. If you feel comfortable mentioning it to your OB, do it! I'd also encourage you to find activities for the kids AND for you. Put your 2yo in a dance class so you can just sit on the side and zone. Just don't overschedule too. The last time my husband was deployed I put my older two in swim. I was amazed when my then-2yo took to it and was soon swimming the length of the pool! It was something they were proud of and I was too.
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