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Old 01-25-2011, 09:30 AM   #21
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
A LOT of schools won't even allow a voluntary compilation of numbers/addresses for each class due to privacy concerns.
Then don't tell the school you're doing it. If the teacher is willing to pass out an invite if everyone is invited, then why can't you send home a sealed envelope to each family?

I understand that it won't help OP's situation today.

But, my children's school went through a phase with one principal who wouldn't allow a directory out of privacy concerns. So, At the beginning of kindergarten, I took it upon myself for each of my children's classes to send home a note asking if they'd like to be included in our own little private class directory. I have had parents who chose not to participate for whatever reason (usually they would either simply forget or weren't planning on staying at the school after kindergarten). I'd compile the info and send it home with everyone. No biggie. School and teacher weren't involved in the directory.

I have found that the discrete backpack thing doesn't always work. One kid will always open the backpack and find it there and pull it out. Then you have everyone searching and hurt feelings. I think it's a bit rough to ask 7 and 8 year olds to buck up and understand that they are being left out of a party.

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Old 01-25-2011, 09:36 AM   #22
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

I did not read everyone response but in our school it is the same rule- Invite everyone or Invite no one

I am room mom and made a directory at the beginning of the year which had the contact information for all the kids & parents- the parents opted in or out of the directory.
At least I had that to email just the kids we were inviting. Maybe you can ask the teacher for contact info for those kids or have your child ask the kids he/she wants to invite to write down their phone number ????

It's fair - yet unfair. I can empathize with the other kids feelings but sometimes we just plain can't afford a party for 20 + kids & family- & I believe I should still have the right to have a party to celebrate the precious day my child was born!

Good Luck!
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:37 AM   #23
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

Yes, kids can talk but they talk about other things too. My 6 year old dd had a playdate this past weekend with 2 other girls in her class and I bet they talked about it at school on Monday. Luckily the mom that hosted was able to get our number from the soccer roster for this particular playdate. My almost-8 year old isn't too active in sports since he has a physical disability so we didn't have that option either.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:39 AM   #24
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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It's fair - yet unfair. I can empathize with the other kids feelings but sometimes we just plain can't afford a party for 20 + kids & family- & I believe I should still have the right to have a party to celebrate the precious day my child was born!

Good Luck!
Thanks! Having him collect numbers is a great idea. I will probably do that next year
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:42 AM   #25
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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I hate it when I hear about this "policy"--8 is old enough to learn that not everyone can have 20 people at a birthday party, not everyone wants everyone at their birthday, and, maybe, just maybe, someone doesn't want YOU (universal) at their birthday party. I might feel differently if everyone but 1 were invited--that's a slight & kinda rude. This is as absurd as everyone winning at T-ball.
:clap: VERY well said.
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A LOT of schools won't even allow a voluntary compilation of numbers/addresses for each class due to privacy concerns.
Our school has this rule. If you want someone's phone number, you have to ask THEM for it. WHat are you supposed to do when that child rides the bus home, follow the bus and show up at his house? Ummm....

IME, and we have been in PS for three years now, two kids. I asked DS1 kinder teacher what to do about invitations. She said the best thing to do was to create the invites, seal them in a manila envelope with each childs name and "For the parents of....." on the front. She would place those in the folders for the day. We have since had five teachers between both kids and this is the rule across the board. They all agree, the children do not know they are getting them and we talk with our kids about not discussing the party at school. You could even go so far as to put a kind note in the invite that states, Due to our budget we couldn't invite all of the children from class. Please talk with your child about not discussing this at school, we would hate for anyone to have hurt feelings over this. ODS had his party this last weekend and said that him and two of the buddies from his class made up a code word when they were talking about it. That way no feelings got hurt. DS is very empathetic and wouldnt want to hurt other's feelings.
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Old 01-25-2011, 09:52 AM   #26
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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Then don't tell the school you're doing it. If the teacher is willing to pass out an invite if everyone is invited, then why can't you send home a sealed envelope to each family?

I understand that it won't help OP's situation today.

But, my children's school went through a phase with one principal who wouldn't allow a directory out of privacy concerns. So, At the beginning of kindergarten, I took it upon myself for each of my children's classes to send home a note asking if they'd like to be included in our own little private class directory. I have had parents who chose not to participate for whatever reason (usually they would either simply forget or weren't planning on staying at the school after kindergarten). I'd compile the info and send it home with everyone. No biggie. School and teacher weren't involved in the directory.

I have found that the discrete backpack thing doesn't always work. One kid will always open the backpack and find it there and pull it out. Then you have everyone searching and hurt feelings. I think it's a bit rough to ask 7 and 8 year olds to buck up and understand that they are being left out of a party.
I've never thought of doing it that way. Some years, room mothers would do this for us, so it was in the open and the teachers knew about it. Other years, nothing. I guess I would be concered for the teacher catching flak somehow if the administration got wind of it (assuming it was completely prohibited). I'm not completely clear on the policy-this year. It changes from year to year.
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Old 01-25-2011, 10:12 AM   #27
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

My DD's preschool has that rule, BUT they gave out a list of all of the parent's names and addresses so you could mail invitations to their home if you only wanted to invite certain children.
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:26 AM   #28
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
I've never thought of doing it that way. Some years, room mothers would do this for us, so it was in the open and the teachers knew about it. Other years, nothing. I guess I would be concered for the teacher catching flak somehow if the administration got wind of it (assuming it was completely prohibited). I'm not completely clear on the policy-this year. It changes from year to year.
You could always tell the teacher what you are doing. I always have because that principal's rule was silly, but I understand her concerns. So, I let the teacher know what I was sending and thatI didn't expect her to be involved at all.

Now, it is a bit easier for me because we only have one class per grade, so there's little change in the rosters from year to year. But, if a child leaves or a new child comes, I just send home a note at the start of the year and then update the information. Like I said - it doesn't help OP's situation, but it sure makes life easier in the long run.

Another option is if your class has room parents. Usually they are given a roster so that they can keep in contact with families about events. You could have them call or write and ask how they felt about a directory.
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:30 AM   #29
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

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Putting invites in backpacks is rubbing it in someone's face And as I said in my OP, there is not other way to contact these parents. I would love to be able to call, email, see them at school...but that is not possible to do.
There is no way to discreetly do the backpack thing. Kids. notice. everything. Not to mention they will talk about it the next day. I just don't see a way to alleviate hurt feelings in the class room without instituting such a policy. Kids will have plenty of other opportunities to learn about the realities of life. I don't think this needs to be one of those 'learning' times.

Also, teachers have enough crap to deal with. They don't need to deal with birthday party drama on top of everything else.
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:40 AM   #30
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Re: Birthday Invites at School

We cant have birthday parties bc we cant afford to invite the whole world, but if everyone in the class is not invited then you cant do it. I guess your poor child is out of luck if all you can afford is a small party and he only knows the people in his class.
Everyone wins at sports anymore. Some dont even keep score anymore because EVERYONE who plays is a winner.
Some are doing away with Kindergarten graduation bc some dont move onto the 1st grade and get held back. We cant honor those who did, because those who had a harder time will get their feelings hurt.
I cant quiet pinpoint why kids live in such a world filled with entitlement though??
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