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Old 01-30-2011, 03:29 PM   #11
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Re: Gender disappointment

Hey Mama. I can totally empathize with you. Not with this one, but with My 1st. I WANTED a girl. I was HAVING a girl. I couldn't understand why the universe would see if any other way.

We went to the u/s and I almost died to learn I was having a boy. I felt like I was being punished and that this was a huge statement of my self worth by saying I was having a boy. I could barely control myself. I wanted to stamp my feet and yell and pound on the ground until the penis was off this child and it was turned into a girl!

I also knew that these were not feelings I was supposed to share with anyone and was pretty ashamed of how I felt. When my son arrived I was fine and instantly didn't understand why I had such strong feelings, but the build up was horrible.

Then, when my son was about 4 months old my friend found out that her 5th child was going to be another boy. She was devestated and spent a week in bed sobbing. And she told anyone who asked that no, she was not excited and she had wanted a girl and that she knew she would make do when the time came, but in the meantime she was not pleased. And I realized it's ok to not be excited about it. You had an expectation and it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. and you understand that you will be fine when the baby comes, but you just need to allow yourself to be dissappointed for a while.

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Old 01-30-2011, 03:39 PM   #12
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Re: Gender disappointment

I still experience this. I have 2 sons and don't ever want to be pregnant again (body image issues.....just to name 1 thing). I get quite jealous and ticked off every time I hear about people that are pregnant with girls. I kind of feel like it has taken over a little bit of my life.

I feel like a bad mom because I somehow think that I would be a better mom/be closer with my kids if they were girls

I have gone so far as to research adoption and possibly thinking about the thought of doing IVF so I could SELECT a girl. (talk about desperate).
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:55 PM   #13
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Re: Gender disappointment

I completely understand where you are coming from and I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I feel nearly exactly as you do, I just don't want a girl. But we are the ones who made the decision to have another child, and whether it's what I want or not, I will make it into the best situation I can.

Is there something you can do baby-wise or to get ready for baby that will help you work through these feelings? For me, it's knitting girly stuff, I've found it to be very therapeutic in dealing with my issues. Maybe it would help you sort out how you're feeling if you did/made something for your little girl?
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:00 PM   #14
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Re: Gender disappointment

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Old 01-31-2011, 06:20 AM   #15
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Re: Gender disappointment

i was really hoping boy as well. and i have gotten the whole "well now you have one of each and your family is complete!" speech from anyone and everyone...even people I dont know. Im in your boat and totally understand.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:25 AM   #16
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Re: Gender disappointment

I went through this with DS. We REALLY wanted a 3rd DD, and when the tech said "Boy" both DH and I felt a bit let down. However, now we look at our fella and can't imagine life without him. I think he's the best thing since sliced bread, seriously. Once the baby gets here, it will be different. Also - like you said you can always go for another DS after this pregnancy.
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:34 AM   #17
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Re: Gender disappointment

Quote:
Originally Posted by chippybug10 View Post
I completely understand where you are coming from and I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I feel nearly exactly as you do, I just don't want a girl. But we are the ones who made the decision to have another child, and whether it's what I want or not, I will make it into the best situation I can.

Is there something you can do baby-wise or to get ready for baby that will help you work through these feelings? For me, it's knitting girly stuff, I've found it to be very therapeutic in dealing with my issues. Maybe it would help you sort out how you're feeling if you did/made something for your little girl?
I don't knit, but I've been sewing girly stuff, and it did help. This baby got 8 outfits in about a week.
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Old 01-31-2011, 09:41 AM   #18
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Re: Gender disappointment

We are having our third girl and unless some miracle happens, we won't ever have a boy. We have talked about adoption some day down the road but even that is just a possibility. It is just one of those things that you almost have to mourn and then find a way to move past it. It is one of the few things in life that a person has no control over and just has to accept, not an easy task. I love my girls but that doesn't mean that I don't wish I had a boy as wel.
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Old 01-31-2011, 02:03 PM   #19
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Re: Gender disappointment

Hugs to you. I can relate.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:06 PM   #20
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Re: Gender disappointment

I am a little disappointed in having a girl and I think that may be one reason we are having a harder time with a name. Part of the reason we wanted another boy was so that we would not have to buy a bunch of "new" stuff. I am not a girly girl and pretty much a tom boy my whole life, so I don't even know what to do with a little girl. DH is concerned that the kids won't play together well and i think that is because he has two sisters (one older one younger) and they just "get along" and are not close. I am getting used to the idea of having a little girl as we prepare her nursery. I am afraid that we are going to end up with a boy... I keep getting the same fortune from the Chinese place that refers to a "pleasant surprise". We will see
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