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Old 02-01-2011, 07:04 PM   #1
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In-Laws

What would the world be without in-laws?

So my BFF and I have been planning my baby shower because she knows how controlling I am and how there are things I specifically do not want. We went back and forth on inviting MIL and SIL to help out (my mom lives out of town) and I just decided I didn't want them to help because then I would get something I didn't want and it would just be a hassle. Since that decision I have been talking about "my baby shower" around them and made it very clear that this is the official baby shower.

So, fast-forward to now, I finished putting together a password protected website that has baby info, registry info and a bunch of other stuff my BFF jokingly calls "bossy hippie stuff" (organic, no-plastic, no characters, no facebooking baby pictures, etc.) I sent an email to friends and family saying here is our site and baby shower info is to come. I just know that a lot of the in-law family will judge our "hippie" decisions and I'm glad I don't have to hear them complain to one another about it.

Anyways, I get an email from my MIL stating that she will be having a baby shower for me but she hasn't decided when. No "can I have one for you?" or "are you planning one, can I help?" Just that she is doing one and that's that.

It feels like a power-play to me. And my official baby shower is inviting everybody, men and women, family and friends, to a big brunch type party. I worry that MIL is going to have another and family is going to either a) feel obligated to come to both and buy more stuff (which I don't want) or b) not come to my official one and instead come to MILs which will dwindle the numbers at the baby shower I have approved and my mom and aunt are flying in for.

So UGH. I wrote her an email explaining we are already planning one and she is welcome to help. Not what I originally wanted, but I kind of have to allow it at this point. I just don't get it. I think she's trying to be nice but it feels like a weird passive agressive thing. This family is kind of like that.

We haven't really even broached the topics of circumcision, vaccinations, cloth diaper, waldorf school, etc. Well, sort of, I did mention to MIL and SIL that I haven't gotten the flu vaccine and they kind of freaked out at me. It was uncomfortable because I'm not good at explaining things when I'm being attacked. I do know that the more I have to defend myself the more I lean towards just saying - you know what, this is my child so whatever your opinion is can f*** off.

Please tell me everyone else's in-laws drives them nuts too!

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Old 02-01-2011, 07:49 PM   #2
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Re: In-Laws

I'm an April due dater and saw your thread pop up on the main page....yes and I feel whoever started the inlaw rant group there prolly regrets it after me! My MIL drives me nuttttty to say the least allow me to copy and paste my most recent rant ......

YIKES!!! why do I try???? well this weekend got together with the SIL and MIL...planned with the SIL but I knew I wouldn't be so lucky as to not have MIL tag along too....

so they came to the house first so we could meet up and go to the mall and out to eat...well as soon as they get there MIL is telling me how she is getting at her house all of the very same things we just got Paislee for Christmas...she always gets Paislee stuff and Paislee isn't aloud to have it but it stays at her house. Ok so whats the big deal you may be thinking....she has done it from day one of finding out we were going to have a baby...including getting herself baby clothes, stroller, high chair, etc, etc, etc...even when we didn't even have them yet for our selves it wasn't what do you guys need but I'm getting for when I have her...well she had been telling everyone she was going to be babysitting when I went back to work....She KNEW my plan was to stay home...and DH nor myself ever once mentioned she would be our child care provider...nor would we...

anyway that's the background of it and now its like a competition...like she has to have whatever we have so that...I dunno maybe one day I will leave my kid alone with her..the problem is...we can't trust her to tell the truth about anything (all the kids(DH & his siblings) know she is this way and double check anything before they take her word on it...) so how am I going to learn to trust her when she seriously has a "telling the truth issue" not to mention her lack of taking allergies DD has seriously

so that started our day together off on a pleasant foot then we shopped and went out to eat...but before we left the mall I left MIL and SIL with the stroller while I took Paislee into the bathroom (ewww public dipey changes) anyway Paislee was fussing because she doesn't like being on those stupid changing tables (but at least they had one) anyway as soon as she heard her fussing around she ran in and wedged her self between the foot of space between me and the wall to help poor helpless me who obviously can't change my own daughters diapers!

so out to eat...where I was trying to feed Paislee and would move things from her reach that she kept throwing on the floor...well she would immediately give them back to her...even though it was clear I didn't want her to have them...she has no regard to the fact that I'm the mom and I know how to feed my daughter apparently

I was sooo annoyed with her I could barley talk to them the whole way home...to afraid I would just explode sure they noticed and sure SIL thought I was being short with them...see she doesn't get it her perspective is she's the grandma and its her place....only because she doesn't have any kiddos yet but ohhh how I long for the day she gets to feel the annoyance I FEEL! then I am sure she will get it!

and the rant posted before itwhere I so bravely invited her to the US


she had came over for a visit because I decided to be nice and invite both of our moms to the ultra sound.....YES I AM BRAVE!!!! well I was still babysitting for a few hours before we had to leave( husband had to pick her up because she doesn't have a functioning car THANK YOU LORD!) well the entire time she stood over my shoulder asking is this 'usually' how you do things...."are you going to use cloth with the new baby?"(she already knows the answer BECAUSE asks EVERY FREAKING TIME SHE WATCHES OVER MY SHOULDER when I'm changing my daughter!!!) ..."does K (lil girl I babysit) always eat before P(my daughter)?"....ughhhhh I had just put one in the chair before the other because ones food happened to be ready about 3 minutes before the other!!! that wasn't the end she didn't stop quizzing me for 5 minutes of quiet! (not exagerating) husband could see I was annoyed so kept asking his mom to sit down and drink some coffee (she DIDN't take the hint)

then ladies the ultra sound we (our lil fam of 3 and our 2 moms rode together to the ultrasound) I had my regular appointment before the ultrasound and when I came out having the news of high heart rate again I expressed my feelings of another girl in there....well after we found out MY MOMMY GUT WAS RIGHT! (yay ) she said (in the room in front of the tech (jokingly with a smile...puke) "you just had to open your mouth and say you thought it was going to be a girl didn't you, Ashley" (as if I had control) then walking out into the hall getting on the elevator getting in the car she said at least 5 more times "ohhhhh wellll I guess as long as it's healthy"..openly expressing her disappointment!!! she did the same EXACT thing with DD#1...when I have talked to others about this they think it was because it took her 5 tries to get a girl and she is jealous I get 2 off the bat...but COME ON!!!

then she called me the next day to tell me how overwhelmed I seem and that she would be coming to help me babysit when I got bigger because I'm pregnant and I need to relax!!! I wanted to scream woman if I seemed overwhelmed it was because you were over my shoulder (literally ladies I'm talking no elbow room not exaggerating!) I just replied with really I'm fine if I need help I will ask (REALITY= if I did it wouldn't be you!)

My husband says ohh she was just trying to make conversation but normal people aren't THAT PUSHY in conversation!! If he had my Dad quizzing him he would be just as offended!! I do give him props for at least trying to make her stop as I was literally on the edge of screaming at her!
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Old 02-01-2011, 07:50 PM   #3
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Re: In-Laws

PS

you don't have to read just overwhelmingly annoyed with her these days and I really could go on....
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Old 02-02-2011, 03:59 AM   #4
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Re: In-Laws

Wow! That's all I can say!! I honestly love my MIL like she was my own mom.... My mother on the other hand is crazy!! We live clear across the country form each other, and the only time she talks to me is just to say "i miss you" in a text or to tell me that someone in town has died... It sucks, but I have my little family, and obviously we get along just fine without her!
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Old 02-02-2011, 04:17 AM   #5
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Re: In-Laws

My MIL is a workaholic. She sees the kids maybe 3 times a year (that is being generous) if we go to MI to see family. She has never visited us but makes it a point to visit DH's step siblings who live in different states. No they don't have kids ours are her only grand children and DH is her only bio-son! We asked if she could take a vacation down here after the baby is born to help me a bit (She is very helpful when you can detach her from her cubicle) since DH will be on deployment. Well she acted like I was asking for the holy grail and promptly told me I better know the exact dates? Well as we all know babies will come when they want!

So when she is good she is very good and when she is bad well she is not around.
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Old 02-02-2011, 06:29 AM   #6
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Re: In-Laws

LOL...kinda sounds like my MOM! My MIL is sooo NOT judgmental and I wish she would rub off on my mom.
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:26 AM   #7
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Re: In-Laws

This is how my MIL is, too!
She always has to be the one in control and if I get defensive (like the other day she put VICKS chest rub on my son's BUTT!) she acts all hurt and like we don't appreciate her and it drives me nuts.
Ugh. Way too early for me to relive that drama. LOL!
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:32 AM   #8
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Re: In-Laws

my BFF threw me a great shower and invited all of the family - and then my MIL didn't come and threw her own shower for me. which meant that all of the ILs we'd invited didn't come either. i ended up with 4 baby showers! (work, church, friends/family, ILs). i didn't even know some of the people my MIL invited, and they got me gifts.
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Old 02-02-2011, 09:10 AM   #9
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Re: In-Laws

Oh, my in-laws don't usually bother me, it's only when I'm pregnant, which happens to be right now. They are both so judgmental of everything that we do! When I was pregnant with DD, they just kept on insisting that I needed to go to a hospital instead of a birth center because of all of the "what-ifs" and that a natural birth would be too painful and I'd never be able to do it. My FIL said that many times and it took all of my willpower not to ask him when the last time was that he pushed a baby out of his vagina. After DD was born, my FIL actually said that although everything turned out ok, it was the stupidest thing we had ever done. WTF? They also think I am just crazy for using cloth and I hate sending my daughter to stay with them because they will not change her diaper often enough. They are used to sposies that can be left on for hours and hours and then they complain to me about leaks. Change the diaper more often and there won't be leaks! A lot of times I have gone to pick her up and she had on a sposie because they just couldn't handle the cloth. Thank goodness she is PL'ed now. And you should have seen the looks on their faces when we changed her diaper for the first time at home and we used cloth wipes and not baby wipes. They just could not believe it and I made sure to say something about all of the chemicals that I didn't want touching my baby. They didn't take the hint. And breastfeeding? My MIL never breastfed but wouldn't you know that she is an expert? When DD was a newborn she used to cluster-feed a lot, and MIL just insisted that it was because I wasn't making enough milk and I needed to go to the doctor and give her a bottle. Um, no. I was actually making more than enough milk, cluster feeding in a newbie is totally normal and if she had ever breastfed maybe she would know that. And once DD turned 1yo, it was like I was supposed to wean her THAT DAY. Breastfeeding past 1 year is crazy in their opinion and I was going to scar my child for life. She was 1 year old, not 5 or 6! And I can just imagine what they are going to say once they find out we aren't circ'ing this baby. I try to avoid them as much as I can right now because I am afraid my hormones will make me say something I will regret.
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Old 02-02-2011, 09:14 AM   #10
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Re: In-Laws

Megan...seriously, that sounds JUST.LIKE.MY.MOM. ROFL!!!!

My In Laws ont eh other hand are AWESOME! MIL is even knitting a few covers for me! HEHE!
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