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Old 02-11-2011, 08:46 PM   #1
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Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

So Sunday evening my church had a Superbowl party. My husband had to work, so another friend drove me, with my 3 boys (5yrs old, 3yrs old, and almost 1yr old).

The baby wanted to nurse. I was sitting on the edge of the "crowd". Several feet were between me any person in any direction (I was in an area kindof by myself because I knew baby would want to nurse). I was wearing a Belly Band, so my stomach wasn't showing. I was sitting away from anyone. I was angled towards a wall, and I was nursing on the side closest to the wall. And my shirt was pulled down covering EVERYTHING.

The pastor's wife walks up to me and aks "Can I get you a blanket?" I just said "Oh thank you, we're fine." Well she shoots me this really nasty look... like I have never seen her do. And it dawns on me that she may feel I'm being inapropriately un-modest. So I said "Miss Sue, I'm completely covered up, look." And in a disgusted tone she says "I don't want to look at THAT!" and stomps off.

As she's storming off, aparantly a little boy was walking towards me. A woman (not even his own mother) grabs him by the shoulders, spins him around and says "You need to go play over here with the other kids."

I mean SERIOUSLY people? From the way they were acting you'd think that I was lifting my shirt up and flashing the place.

I'm a little angry that they acted like that, and a little hurt. And now I'm wondering.. should I apologize (even though I honestly don't feel that I was wrong or inapropriate)? Do I just let it go unless they say something? Do I just always excuse myself to the nursery on the other side of the church? Do I just not go to "extra" events?

I'm really annoyed.

Thanks for listening to my vent.

Oh, and for the record.. I CAN'T nurse with a cover. DS will flail and kick and make such a fuss that I WOULD end up flashing the place!

God bless!

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Old 02-11-2011, 08:50 PM   #2
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

No you didn't do anything wrong. I nusred all the time with out a cover for the same reason you do. If people have a problem with it they can just have a problem with it. I nursed 3 kids and got looks all the time especially with the first on cause I looked like I was 15 I was 22. I just let it go. Unless some one said something to me. Never really happened though just got looks.
I am so sorry hoeny. ***hugs****
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Old 02-11-2011, 08:52 PM   #3
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I'm sorry mama. It sounds like you were doing just fine and the pastors wife is the one that was drawing attention to what you were doing!

I would say next time you go to an event like that, you may have to excuse yourself...ONLY if she is there...or get as far away from the crowd as possible without removing yourself completely.

Emily hates to be covered also...so when I have to NIP that I know people will FREAK. I will try to cover up as much of her as I can without her freaking.

Its so hard! come on people this is life...if you dont like me feeding my child then you leave!
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:01 PM   #4
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

Oh Michelle, that stinks!! Sounds like they are just ignorant, like a lot of people in our society. Unfortunately I have noticed the same thing in church circles, they are so profoundly affected by the sexualization of breasts in our society, that they even shun a normal breastfeeding relationship if the setting is public or semi-public. I know there are many people in my church who feel the same way, so if I am around them I make a more conscious effort to be modest so I am not a stumbling block to their personal sanctification. I don't use a cover either, but I know I can be modest without one. If they have a problem with it even when I'm covering everything, at that point I consider it their issue to deal with, not mine.

You would think a church that hosts a weekly breastfeeding meeting would be more understanding!
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:10 PM   #5
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

I'm sorry they treated you like that. I have no advice except that I would NOT apologize. You obviously didn't do anything wrong; and if you apologize, then they will think they have a right to treat breastfeeding mothers that way. Which they don't.
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:11 PM   #6
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I remember one time nursing my 9 month old daughter (who looked maybe 18m--big girl) and (with a cover) I was given looks and side comments like I was nursing a 5 year old. It is crazy how some people respond.

Great job nursing. I nursed DD for 16m and DS for 14!!!!! Ignore them and keep your head held high you are doing what is bet for you and your family!!!
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:13 PM   #7
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Your baby needed to eat, end of story! I hate people who make a big production out of nursing in public (or anywhere but home for that matter). It's not like you were sitting at a table and just whipped out breast to nurse, you were discrete and I would be upset too. I'm sorry but if people can "eat" in public then why is it such a big deal for a baby to eat in public, regardless of how they eat!!!
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:28 PM   #8
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

First off I will say I am very modest and we nursed with a cover in public, I do know it can be difficult for some children to nurse with a cover. What about laying a burp cloth across the top of your breast in those situations? I absolutely applaud women who are comfortable to nurse in large public situations. I excused myself to another room.
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:36 PM   #9
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

A lot of people have strange sensitivities to breastfeeding in public. I wonder if they use nursing covers in their own home? I loved using the band to cover my tummy while nursing for a long time and nursed in public a lot just as you described and think it's very modest in my opinion. Nursing like that I've actually warned several people who have leaned in for a closer look at the sleeping baby including a waiter in a restaurant. I have used a cover more with baby 2 for the comfort of others but if the cover is not handy.... I suppose you can choose how you want to handle it. You were doing nothing wrong and can continue on and most people will not have issues. Or you can accept the blanket or bring one which you half attempt to sort of use covering baby's hair more so than face which will likely be enough to make them happy.
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Old 02-11-2011, 09:41 PM   #10
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Re: Vent: A little angry and a little hurt.

Goodness, you didn't do ANYTHING wrong!! If seeing you nurse your baby made that woman uncomfortable, then she shouldn't have looked in the first place. It's not like you were shoving your nipple in her face. People's ignorance is sooo irritating sometimes.
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