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Old 02-12-2011, 11:13 PM   #31
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Re: How many children?

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Originally Posted by USMCgirl_05 View Post
I'm pregnant with #3 and this is IT for us!

-I don't like being pregnant, I always feel like crap
-Would have stopped at 2 but DD is from my previous marriage and I felt like DH deserved to have another bio child
-vacations/trips get more expensive and complicated with each child
-don't want to have to drive a church van!
-want to have room in our house without being all cramped in together, have enough space for each person
-I am not very patient and I can't really "deal" with a lot of kids. I LOVE my kids but I am not cut out to be a mom to many

ETA: birth control isn't good for me and neither are condoms. DH is going to get snipped so we can actually have a good sex life without having to worry about me getting pregnant all the time!

ALso- my kids share a room currently, and when this baby comes we will either have 2 boys or 2 girls sharing. That's not what I mean by space...think....Duggars before they built their ginormous house That's what I picture!
Ditto pretty much every single bit of this.

I was DONE DONE DONE after my first two, but then I got divorced, fell madly in love and eventually moved in with my first love/innocent childhood crush (seriously, it was like love at first sight for me when I met him when I was 7 (and he was 9), and I never really got over it even after growing up and moving on), he's been spectacular with my kids and he wanted one of his own someday and we were thinking maybe in 10 years or so.. But, then we accidentally got knocked up last year despite major birth control efforts, so we decided to just go for it even though it meant major plan changes, and here we are. But this is absolutely the last one, so one of us is getting fixed after this (haven't decided which yet--maybe both of us, just to be on the safe side because I am apparently super fertile! ).

This pregnancy has been hell on wheels, and I know I can never go through another first trimester like the one I just went through. Holy moly was it awful. We were lucky that this one is another boy, because it really makes our room sharing arrangement less complicated, as well as other practical concerns. We only just moved my daughter into her own room because they enjoyed sharing for a long time, but we probably would have had to get a new house if this baby had been a girl--I don't think having 2 girls who are 7 years apart sharing a room would have been feasible for us long term, whereas 2 boys 3.5 years apart can share forever as far as I'm concerned.

We do intend to pay for college, and as many things as we can, which is one of many reasons we are now seriously done. For realz this time.

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Old 02-13-2011, 12:46 AM   #32
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Re: How many children?

When we got married, DH and I agreed that we didn't particularly want kids, but if one of us changed our mind, the other would agree. Three years later, we both decided that we wanted a child, so along came DS (we got our BFP 2 weeks after making the decision )

Now, I think we could be very happy with just the three of us - we feel like a complete family. BUT, I also think we would be very happy with another. At this point, we really don't know and will wait until the urge hits...if it doesn't then we are done. In any case, 2 is our absolute max. We want to live as sustainably as we possibly can in terms of population growth and environmental responsibility. For us, this means a small family.

ETA: I also want to pursue a career and my line of work is not particularly conducive to taking maternity leaves. The government guarantees me 1 year of paid leave, but when I get back, my clients won't be there. Once DS and I are ready for him to be in daycare, then I want to go back to work and it will take a few years to build up a practice to the point that I can take another leave. I don't know if I will want to leave work again after putting in all that effort.
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:21 AM   #33
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Re: How many children?

I always used to want 6 and DH wanted 5. I don't believe in having an odd number of children, so we agreed on 4. I am currently pregnant with #3 and am still feeling like #4 will definitely be it.

We have college funds for each of the children. We did not get help from our parents (my mom WOULD have if she could have...she did take out loans for me; my dad just WOULDN'T) and we would have really appreciated the help. I will be paying my student loans until I'm 40. We don't want our kids to have to do that if we can help it. We also want them to try their hardest, so the accounts are set up where if they get a scholarship, then AFTER they graduate they can have the money to use however they want. If they don't go to college, however, they don't get a cent.

As for room sharing, with military housing we would be able to give them each their own room, but at very least the 2 we have will be happy sharing. They have their own rooms for now, but once the new baby is ready to move to the crib, that will change.
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:31 PM   #34
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Re: How many children?

Thanks for all the input mamas! I really liked seeing all the different points of view. I know the more romantic side of "when you're done you'll know it" and then the more "reality bites" side which makes me think... Ok, you have to have health insurance for all these kids, and you may not be able to pay the 250,000 for 4 years of college like they are predicting it will cost by the time their college age, but you want to at least be able to HELP, etc. If money was no object and I didn't have to have a c-section thanks to placenta previa halfway through my labor with my first (which has now led, and will lead, to all subsequent pregnancies being c-sections) then I would love 6.

But lord willing and the creek don't rise, I'm thinking 4 will be good for us. We'll be able to afford it, but as bdhutier said... we won't be going to Disney Land every year or anything but we will still be able to take family trips closer to home and do fun stuff. We will also be able to afford private catholic school for all 4 etc. And one day we're planning to build a larger home so each child could have their own room. Or at least the oldest ones.

I don't remember who said it... but I too think 4 is a good round even number, with no true middle child (in fact I want to have our third pretty close to our second so they kinda have each other to lean on).

But like everyone said, I guess we'll know when we know!
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Old 02-14-2011, 04:04 AM   #35
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Re: How many children?

I want as many kids as I can stand to have. I REALLY hate being pregnant. Don't know how many pregnancies I can stand to get through. Don't mind childbirth at all. But pregnancy lasts 9 months. I think maybe 4 - 6. I asked my husband how many would be too many long before we started on our first. He thought about it and said "I think at 13 I'd start forgetting their names." Ha! I agreed that 13 was more than I wanted as well.
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Old 02-14-2011, 05:04 AM   #36
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Re: How many children?

How many kids we want has changed radically over the years. When my oldest was 13 mo old, I got pregnant on accident. We were both excited, though. And then I lost the baby at 11 weeks, and it was pretty traumatic for me (I miscarried at home, and at that gestation it was much more involved than my miscarriage at 6 weeks). So, we decided to wait a couple of months and try again. and I got pregnant right away! And lost that baby at 6 weeks. That was a major blow. I didn't think I could do it again, and I'd had other miscarriages before, and I was told that I have an 80% chance of miscarrying due to various health things. We decided we were happy with one. We settled in to life as a family of 3, dh bought a small car. Things were going to be great. And I got pregnant on accident again. Honest to God, I think He was absolutely involved in this whole process. We were using BC, and granted, I do get knocked up easy, but 2 accidental pregnancies in what, 6 months? Anyway, I was devastated. Mostly because I was scared. My pregnancies are not easy at all, and we didn't know if he would live or not.

He was born at 37 weeks, and healthy, but that's when I found out that I'm rh sensitized. His jaundice was really bad. I'm actually going to explore with his developmentalist next month if this could be the real cause of his neurological disorder (he as "autism" but I wonder if it's something else...). Then he had horrible colic. And then at 2 was diagnosed with autism. He was incredibly difficult to parent as a child and preschooler. But, he started to get better, so we made the leap to have #3. And it was going to be our last.

And then dh was sent to Afghanistan for 15 months when she was just a few weeks old. So he missed everything. And I missed having a father here to share everything with.

So, that lead us to where we are now, we have decided that we'd like to have a large family. Our plan (and what ever goes to plan, right?) is to adopt a sibling group of 2, and then have one last bio baby. We're in a fortunate position that we don't have to think about how many kids his income can afford. Our biggest challenge is the number of hours he works. But, that won't be as much as it is right now forever. It should lighten up next year, and then more the year after that, and then once he's staff I doubt he'll work more than 60 hours a week, so it will be cake.

sorry for any typos, I'm still waiting for my coffee to kick in!
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:26 AM   #37
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Re: How many children?

I have 2 kids now and I'd like 2-4 more biological children. I'm the youngest of 6 kids and DH is the oldest of 2 (however his mom wanted more kids but back then it was once a c-seciton always a c-section and she didn't want any more). We both come from a long line of big families, so it just seems normal to us to have a lot of kids. We'll be TTCing next year for a May 2013 baby
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:31 AM   #38
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Re: How many children?

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Originally Posted by LilyMama6 View Post
I was just wanting to hear from other mamas how they decided how many children to have when they were family planning. I know not all little angels are "planned" but I just mean in general.

If you had 2 and said "no more" what was your reasoning. The same if you have 6.

What are your takes on being able to help/pay for college? Sharing rooms? All those things you think of when you think of adding to your family.

I'm asking because it's something my husband and I have been talking about as we just welcomed DD #2 and know we'd like more, just not sure how many more (should we be so blessed).
We always talked about 4-5 but stopped at 3. My body does not handle pregnancies well, our house only has two bedrooms, and frankly I'm just glad to be out of the baby stage! I did get the baby bug a few months ago bad.....so we got a puppy I'm totally content with our family size

My dd's share a room, and ds is in a makeshift bedroom in our office. Someday we'll totally remodel/finish our basement and add bedrooms. Our house is larger, but it's a really weird layout!

As for college-I'm actually not a fan of it, and we'll not encourage our kids to go. We're not saving for college but we are on Dave Ramsey's budget system and will be totally debt free within 10 years, which will then allow us to work on our own retirement so we're not a burden to our children someday. Having this issue come up in my family-being financially secure down the road is a huge deal to me. And, by being debt free we'll have fluid money resources so we can help our kids transition to adulthood. If they go to a trade school, apprenticeship etc, and need help with rent and other living expenses, we'll be able to help them without it hurting our own financial stability kwim?
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:33 AM   #39
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Re: How many children?

When we got married we said we'd like 5. Now, we're open to as many as God blesses us with.
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Old 02-14-2011, 09:06 AM   #40
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Re: How many children?

DH has a consultation with a urologist this week to talk about getting a vasectomy. We have two boys & I'm 100% sure I'm done, done, done! DH is a little less convinced & I think he'd like one more, but I said my uterus gets an extra vote so we outnumber him

I think I always kind of felt I only wanted 2, but after having DS2 it was totally solidified. For me, there are a lot of different reasons. 3 just feels like too many, for me. I worry about the whole middle child issues. We have a 3 bedroom home & it fits our family perfectly now, not that I'm against room sharing but I'd prefer each child to have their own room. I had PPD with both children. Both boys had hospital stays at birth or in infancy. DS1 for jaundice & DS2 for anemia [for which he had to have a blood transfusion]. DS1 had diagnosed reflux & we went through months of medication & formula changes & it was rough. DS2's anemia & hospital stay were terrible & now he's a very high needs baby who cries ALL.THE.TIME. Even though DS1 is only 2.5 years old, I still feel I've aged a LOT in those 2.5 years & I'm not dealing as well with the lack of sleep & general care of two kids under 3....I'm exhausted. I find myself daydreaming about the day when I'll get to sleep past 6am, not be changing diapers or making bottles. I just don't think that having a third child would be good for my mental health.

We'll be saving some money for their education, but not a lot, probably 10k each or less. We need to be putting our extra money into savings for our retirement.
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