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Old 03-20-2007, 12:18 PM   #11
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

Hey,

I think I can imagine how you are feeling, as I too am a victim of repeated molestation as a child.

We found out a close friend had been looking a child ****ography and I was hysterical, I wanted to throw up, shaking. The same when I found out my brother has been molested by the same man, and was still being years later.

When I think of how much it affected me, and how much pain it still causes in my life, I want to protect anyone else from feeling the same no matter what the cost.

You are not over re-acting! You should not be ashamed!!!

Its a battle I have everyday, so I know how hard it is not to be ashamed of your past, yourself even though it was never your fault.

This is bound to shake up your life completely, and you may feel shaken, and teary for months to come.

All I can say, is from experience - Cry, cry and cry again, as much as you need to, its ok to hurt, and you are bound to hurt.

If your family is unsafe for you right now, stay away, until you are ready to allow them back in your life. Don't close your heart to them, but keep yourself and children away while there is any chance of you or your children being harmed.

I am not sure of your faith, but I know that Jesus has been my strength in this journey of recovery.

Just place it in His hands and let Him hold you and comfort you.

Just pm me if you need to talk any more!

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Old 03-20-2007, 12:21 PM   #12
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I agree that you should cut ties ! I just wanted to say that you are brave for sharing this . I am so sorry momma.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:24 PM   #13
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I really dont have much advice, but if it was me I think I would cut ties; it seems like its in all your best interest. I just want to give you a HUGE HUG really I do.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:25 PM   #14
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I don't really have any good advice but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I certainly can't blame you for thinking of cutting off ties from your family. I would be considering the same thing in your shoes. What an awful situation! I'm really sorry.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:25 PM   #15
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I would definatley confront my Mom about this. There are always 2 stories and make sure you hear what she has to say. On the other hand she clearly doesn't realize what a huge thing this is because she didn't report your uncles. If don't feel safe with them you might have to "cut off all ties" just so you know your babies are safe from this hurt. It's possible that your brother was also molested at some point as this is often a behaviour that is perpetuated by those who were initially victims and/or observers of such offenses. I wouldn't under any circumstances leave any children unattended with anyone who has been a molester or anyone who doesn't believe molesters should be prosecuted. Confront your Mom if she doesn't talk to you soon and then decide with your DH how your girls are safest if that means completely cutting off your family then that's what you have to do to keep your babies safe. It's a very hurtful situation and definately hard to see through the tears I'm sure but I'm sure your inner lioness (This is what DH calls the protective mama in me) will guide you to the right decision for you and your family. I'll be keeping your and your family in my prayers.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:26 PM   #16
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

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Old 03-20-2007, 12:27 PM   #17
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I, too, was a victim of a neighbor for a long time... so I get that.

What I want to know is, you are not even giving your brother a chance? You said, you thought he never would. Are you sure he did?

Did you check to make sure it is reported? Can you ask your brother?

I personally know someone who was falsely accused and the hell that that person went through is unbelievable!
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:28 PM   #18
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I've been through molestation in my family. My mother was molested as a child and my grandmother refused to even talk to her about it so when it happened in my family my mother was loud and in charge. She took instant precautions and she contacted the authorities, our religious leaders, and she also sat and talked with all of us children to determine who was touched. The man who did the molesting sought treatment in and after prison and has literally become another person. Things will never be 100%, but it made HIS life better too, he was really messed up.

We grew up messed up still, damage was done, but it could have been so much worse. Whatever I have though badly of my mother in my life, I admire the hell out of her for standing up. If she hadn't, I think by the time I was old enough I would have cut ties. If she had kept this really awful knowledge from me and therefore put my children in the path of harm, I can honestly say that i would feel hate. i know it's not what's pc and some people consider it bad to hate... but seriously, the woman put MORE children in harms way!
You need to make the best choice for you and your family. You are the only one who can and you should not feel ashamed at all for whatever choice you make.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:31 PM   #19
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I guess I just don't understand why this happened, to me, to her, my sisters, any of us. I am so mad right now.

Both of my sisters visited her this last weekend and she didn't say a word to either one of them about what had happened. And, my brother was there just hanging out like no big deal.

Another one of my aunts already told my other sister, and my BIL told us, thinking we didn't know. The $hit of it is, is that when my cousin told, my aunt was afraid of the way my mom would react when she told her what my brother had done.

ETA: He admitted it.

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Old 03-20-2007, 12:32 PM   #20
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I'm so sorry Nikki your mother is in the wrong, not you, and with her not wanting you to know, thats just wrong, she needs to be protecting the innocent kids not her son who is doing the damage
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