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Old 03-20-2007, 12:33 PM   #21
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

First, I don't think you should be ashamed, you did nothing wrong.

Your uncles should feel shame for the things they did to you and your sisters, your mom should feel shame for letting them get away with it and your brother should feel shame for repeating this cycle of molestation and abuse.

You are innocent in this as are the others that have been victimized.

I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to cut off ties with your family over this. Maybe not forever, but at least for now, it might be the best thing for you and yours.
I'd encourage the mother of the child molested to press charges, juvenile or not, your brother needs to be held accountable for his actions and get help.
Also, that child needs to get some help so she can move on and 'deal' with what has happened to her. Have you and your sisters ever saught counciling for your molestation?

What a difficult situation mama. I'm sorry you have to go through this and relive what happened to you. This whole thing just sucks.

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Old 03-20-2007, 12:33 PM   #22
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

We have been through a similar situation in our family. Big hugs to you. It is a very hard decision to make. I am glad my parents cut the ties.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:37 PM   #23
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I am so sorry you and your family went and are going through this.

If it were me, I'd cut ties. I know that is a tough decision, but sometimes it is for the better good.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:43 PM   #24
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

My so-called-father (he is my 'birth' father- but nothing more than that b/c he is dead as far as i'm concerned) sexually molested and abused me from a ver, very young age-- I'm talking under 2 years old here- And I have tried MANY MANY times to have a relationship with him- BUT he REFUSES to seek help of any kind. Or even admit he is wrong, or made a mistake! And as an adult, there is no way I can have a healful relationship with ANYONE- let alone my own father, if they can't even admit to making mistakes!
I had attempted to have a relationship with him in my adult life several times, the last being before I got pregnant with my now 16 month old son... But shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I became sickened to my core about how could anyone hurt a child in that way?!? I just couldn't bear the thought of someone harming the little being inside of me! Let alone my own family! So, I stopped talking to him for the final time.... Once he finally realized I wasn't speaking with him anymore, he never called or wrote again-- But, I feel better now knowing my sweet, son won't ever be harmed by him... Because NO ONE can change you if you don't want to change yourself! And from here on out, it is about me and MY family's wellbeing- And I continue to work on letting go of him, and my past....
I am there witrh you- and please, please let me know if you need someone to talk to! Or any more advice about what has helped me to let go.... Much, much love to you mama... Please take care of yourself... Sarah Lena
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:53 PM   #25
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I don't have much to add other than my opinion. I think there is nothing wrong with cutting ties with your family. I was abused by my father and I don't associate with him or his family because every time I talk to someone from his family they "update" him on my life and they are on "his side" so to speak. So I just simply don't talk to them, ever.

I think it is better for your children to be raised in a healthy, loving environment instead of around people like them.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:54 PM   #26
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

Do not feel ashamed, you are innocent, and you are not alone. So many kids have been molested by family members. It's so important to release all of your feelings so they do not build up inside...and you are entitled to feel everything you feel. I imagine your mom was also molested and she also feels guilty and comes from a generation that was told to be quiet...she needs therapy and certainly is not your well wisher until she comes to some realizations and healings, so take space from her. Your brother just learned from his elders, never learning that molestation is harmful and he needs therapy, too.

All the children, boys and girls, should not be near these people who are not caring for their health. The terrible cycle of molestation has got to end, and you are strong enough to make it happen for your kids.

My dh was molested by his uncle, so remember that boys need protection, too.
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Last edited by MamaLove; 03-20-2007 at 01:17 PM.
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:10 PM   #27
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I would cut the ties too. I'd do anythign to protect my children. I'm so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this.
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:10 PM   #28
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

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Am I wrong to cut off all ties from my family?
Nope, you do what you have to do to move on and give your children a healthy life. While I talk to my mom,bro and sis on the phone I haven't seen any of them in 8 years. They aren't emotionally healthy people and I don't want my kids around that.

Both DH and I was molested by family members
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Old 03-20-2007, 01:22 PM   #29
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

Note: I did not read all of the replies yet.

yes, you should cut ties w/ all the offenders, and all who knew and did nothing. IMO, they are just as evil, if not MORE SO, than the molester him/herself, b/c they knowingly put children in harms way, and care more for "family peace" than a child's safety. I wouldn't cut ties w/ those who want to stand for what's right and protect children and stay away. I am so sorry, mama. Huge hugs to your family.
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Old 03-20-2007, 02:05 PM   #30
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I have no advice for you, but wanted to give you . Do what you feel you need to do. If your mom didn't care enough about you to report it, she shouldn't care that you choose to cut ties. If she is willing to protect your brother over your kids and others' kids, then she obviously needs a reality check. again mama!
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