Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-05-2011, 03:04 PM   #1
Tweedledum's Avatar
Tweedledum
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,216
ODD totally out of control with this PG

I am 20 weeks along, and most definitely showing. My only child thus far is 3.5 years old, and she has become completely unmanageable. Since my boobs have started growing, she's been grabbing at them (OUCH!) and asking to nurse. She's been weaned for over a year, and I have absolutely NO intention of letting her nurse again. Her response is to throw half-hour long temper tantrums where she flops around like a dying fish out of water. This has happened multiple times now.

Getting her ready to head out the door to daycare is excruciating also (I work 3 days a week). She will go so far as to kick me as I'm trying to dress her, and then run away from me when I go to put her in time out. She doesn't stay in time out either, and will fight to pull her bedroom door open even as I am holding it shut. I know part of the difficulty is that I have placenta previa and have been advised against carrying her for the baby's sake. On the one hand, I know that she feels like she's missing out on being carried and held by me, so in that respect it's an attention-seeking thing, but on the other hand, she LAUGHS when she runs away from me or kicks me, so I know it is also a power thing for her.

Bedtime has also become a major battle. This last Tuesday, she was up TEN TIMES in the night from 4:00-6:00, and wouldn't go back to bed. I basically had to drag her/carry her (against my doctor's medical advice) and then she was up again as soon as I lay back down in my own bed. This was after singing to her, tucking her in, etc. So last night I tried the co-sleeping tactic (DH is out of town for a meeting) and let her into our bed with me. She didn't fall asleep till 11 pm, and was up at 5:30, even though I was lying down with her the whole time, starting at her usual bedtime (8:30).

If anyone has advice or suggestions for ANY of the three major problems I've described above, HIT ME UP, YO!

Advertisement

Tweedledum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2011, 05:08 PM   #2
Angel89411
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,157
Re: ODD totally out of control with this PG

Don't argue with her. I know this seems like a duh, but I think as parents we argue more than we think. Try "You can be good while Mommy gets you dressed or you can be mean and you won't get to XYZ today, either way you are getting dressed" "I understand you are upset right now because blah but this is not okay behavior and if you continue this, I will not let you..." instead of "Get back here or else" "I said no!". It took a couple of weeks, but my son was out of control at 2.5. This has seemed to work. I try to validate his feelings by speaking in a stern but calm voice and I give him choices. All choices are always acceptable to me and are usually to meet the end goal. But you are probably right in thinking this is a power thing. So take her power away. You are the adult. But my son was leaving bruises on me on a daily basis.

Oh, and I would just hold one leg between my knees and reach through the bottom of the pants to pull the other one through then switch out. I'd tuck 'em both between my legs when moving on to the shirt. Those legs are dangerous. But he is so much better now that I don't remember the last time I have had to do this dance.

Last edited by Angel89411; 03-05-2011 at 05:09 PM.
Angel89411 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2011, 08:33 PM   #3
2boysmama's Avatar
2boysmama
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,923
My Mood:
Re: ODD totally out of control with this PG

Aw mama, that's tough. Do you have any books on being a big sister? I have the Dr. Sears books and they are great. One of them talks about taking care of mommy and getting her crackers and letting her rest. Maybe that would help?

When I was pregnant with ds2, ds1 acted a bit like that at bedtime. I would just put him to bed in my bed like always (for us it is read 3 books and pray then mama leaves). He'd go to sleep and I joined him when I was ready. My dh worked nights though so I always had an empty space in the bed for him.

My son is heavy and I cannot carry him, I did once this pregnancy and I spotted the whole next day so I haven't lifted him since. We do spend a lot of time cuddling on the couch and reading. He also loves to rub lotion on my belly, feet, and arms and hands, maybe your dd would like to help take care of you like that too? I agree with you that she really is just wanting the attention but make sure you don't blame not being able to carry her on the baby, she'll end up hating the baby. Blame it on your sore body or something and ask her to rub lotion on you or something. I would also stress the "BIG sister" part of her life now and spend time doing "BIG" things like painting her nails, going out to a coffee shop (my oldest loves this, he just beams when he gets a muffin and hot chocolate at the local coffee shop) Maybe go through her "baby" toys to give the baby and let her pick out a "BIG" girl toy or a necklace or another item that is not for babies.

Books:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20

Good luck!
__________________
LesLee wife to Andy 8.2.02 SAHM to Evan 1.13.05 and Ryan 4.4.07 and Colt 4.26.11 and Anderson
on 1/3/14 and unexpectedly expecting due 11/7/15

In with Jesus for over 20 years!
2boysmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2011, 09:00 PM   #4
Tweedledum's Avatar
Tweedledum
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,216
Re: ODD totally out of control with this PG

Thanks for the tips, ladies! And keep 'em coming!
Tweedledum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2011, 02:12 PM   #5
LissaB's Avatar
LissaB
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Loveland, CO
Posts: 474
My Mood:
Re: ODD totally out of control with this PG

I really liked the Positive Discipline book for birth-3 years old. They also have a book especially for preschoolers that might help you. It has really helped to follow those principles with my DS and he has been doing pretty well. I wish I could do better with it, but it is hard with being so hugely pregnant and tired to actually enforce stuff.

It doesn't advocate taking away the power from children, but helping them to build it in areas that are safe. So, you give them choices, are kind but firm (not permissive!), and remember that actions speak louder than words to kids in this age group. So, if you ask her to do something and she ignores you, you then kindly but firmly take her and make her do what you ask. I have had to get on the floor with my DS and move his hand from toy to storage box to get him to clean up, but it gets the point across.

Have you been able to give your daughter some good one-on-one time each day? Books to help her get used to the idea of being a big-sister could really help, as could role playing with her with her dolls, and making sure to help her look at the good side of having a sibling.

For daycare preparation, have you thought of making a routine chart with her? If she has a chart that she helps you put together, then you two can make a game of following the chart to get ready. I have heard that this can really help with those sorts of troubles.

As for bedtime, our DS just figured out how to defeat the doorknob child-proofing. There are items on the market that let you close the door and because they are up high then the children can't open the door. One of those might really help. They wouldn't work on our door frames, but we just turned the doorknob backwards so that during those times that he won't listen and I need him in somewhere safe then I can lock him in his room. This also has the benefit that he won't lock me out of his room on accident. His room is completely baby-proofed so it is a safe space for him to be. Perhaps you can do a bedtime routine chart with her, and put her down and if she refuses to stay down a couple of times then you can let her know that you will have to lock the door because of the choices she is making, or you can just engage the childproof door feature. Once she is asleep you can unlock it again.

Sorry this is happening. I know it is really tough. I'm still not sure if DS is ready to be a big brother, and we've been trying to get him excited and ready since the first trimester. Maybe your daycare provider will have some other ideas of how to help her?
__________________
Lissa
LissaB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2011, 05:45 PM   #6
Tweedledum's Avatar
Tweedledum
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,216
Re: ODD totally out of control with this PG

Yes, I really need to get some of those books to read with her about becoming an older sister. Today, when I was cuddling with her, she told me that I'd better not hug her too tight because "the babies in [my] tummy won't like it." I assured her that that wasn't the case, and the baby loved her, and said that there was only one baby in there. Then she burst into tears and said she wanted her own baby, and that she didn't want to have to share one with me and her dad! I told her that one baby would be plenty for all of us to share, and that when she was a grown-up, she could have as many babies of her own as she wanted, but she was very difficult to console.
Tweedledum is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.