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Old 04-12-2011, 09:06 AM   #11
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Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?

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Originally Posted by keonli View Post
I think I'm ready to spring for another. DS is turning 4 at the end of May and while I'm bored with my job, if I leave now and get another job, I won't get paid for my maternity leave. (Gotta think ahead, yanno).

But part of being a mom is doing the best you can for your child, breastfeeding or not, ECing or not, etc., etc. By working you are providing your child with a home, clothes, food, and other things that are also important.

Maybe think of it that way.
^THAT!!!

I don't think your feelings are stupid at all.
However, you do NOT have to be a SAHM to have kids!!!
I know WOHMs are the minority here and it seems like where you live as well, but being a WOHM is NOT a bad thing!! You are providing for your family...how is that bad??
Do your best that is all you can do! BF for as long as you can...pump for as long as you can...EC when you can. But if you are not able to do any of those things does not make you a bad person or mother!!


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Old 04-12-2011, 09:36 AM   #12
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I know how you feel. I was frightened from my last pregnancy because I worked 9a-10:30p every weekend. I know after 3 breastfed babies that I can not pump enough to sustain an entire weekend of me being gone. Luckily the schedule has changed now! But, it's still 9-6 and I erik have to figure something out. Luckily the weeknights shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Anyway, if this is really what you want, go for it!

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Old 04-13-2011, 08:15 PM   #13
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Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?

The only thing I'm truly getting hung up on is the breastfeeding. I'm such a lactivist. I suffered depression when I couldn't nurse DS longer, and couldn't' pump either. Even if my body responded better to pumping the next time round, I couldn't pump at work. There are only 3 people employed, including myself. Self owned dog grooming business by my boss. I'm pretty sure because it is such a small business, it isn't exactly governed by a lot of those protection laws about breastfeeding/pumping?? My boss is wonderful, and IF there were a place I could pump, she absolutely would not have any objections!! But there is no place. I could shut myself in the bathroom/laundry room? The only other option is the break room, but it has a window, and in order to get to the laundry/bathroom you have to walk through the break room, so that is a no go. Bathroom would be the only option? I work in a tiny little dog grooming shop that consists of just a few rooms - kennel, drying room, two grooming rooms, bathing area, lobby area, bathroom and break room. That's it. Obviously can't pump in many of those areas. Lol!
It's hard to explain, but short of construction and expanding to build a pumping room, my boss can do very little to provide me with a place to pump. And I'm sure I'd come home with dog hair in the milk, as you cannot escape the stuff!

Ignorance is bliss. If I didn't know how bad formula was,.. I probably wouldn't fret so much. I'd try my best, and that's it.. but because I know.. I just think I'd be a terrible parent to bring a child into this world I know I couldn't breastfeed long and would have to give formula. Funny thing is I have friends who never once thought to even TRY breastfeeding (and they don't work!), and although I do not understand or agree... its not like I really care or bat an eye. But when it comes to me, I'm just very hard on myself.
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:26 PM   #14
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Can you compromise? Nurse as long as possible and then do tons of research on the best substitute possible... Perhaps a mix of organic formula and goat's milk? Talk to your provider.
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Old 04-13-2011, 11:00 PM   #15
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Do you drive a van? Maybe you could go to your van/car and pump.

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Old 04-14-2011, 08:27 AM   #16
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Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?

Maybe you can set up some sort of temporary wall in the break room? I'm thinking of those Asian screen things (not sure what they're actually called). It's not ideal but it would offer some privacy. If there is only a couple employees then it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Or the car can be an option - I used to do that when I had meetings somewhere, I would just move the seat back and cover myself with a jacket or blanker. It's not always pleasant but it's doable.

I would definitely talk to your boss about it when the time comes and see if there's something you can work out. I had to talk to my male boss about it and he was more than willing to help me out. We have station set up now in the basement. Again, not ideal, but it works.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:44 AM   #17
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Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?

i totally get your dilemma. i'm also a crazy planner, so when I knew I wanted #2 I started looking into my options. I did end up leaving my old job, even though it was pretty ideal (short work day, telecommute once a week, understanding boss & co-workers) so that I could make more money and save to eventually transition into a WAHM. I planned it out well before I knew I wanted to TTC, and so far everything has gone according to "schedule" for me. Things really didn't work out that great with my current job, but it's actually made it much easier for me to see it as temporary that way, and feel MUCH better about transitioning to being home full-time.

I know you love your job - but have you considered looking into the idea of a job share? This is where you work part-time, and someone else works part-time, and you cover the same amount as a full-time person. That way you get more time at home, less time at work to worry about pumping, and you don't have to leave your job.

As for pumping, as unglamorous as it is I know several moms who've pumped in their cars. That wouldn't be an option for me since I take public transport to work, but thankfully I've always had my own office with a door.

Basically, it REALLY doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can make it work. I'm sure it will take some soul-searching, number-crunching, and scenario-planning, but I'm confident you'll reach a solution where you can achieve what you want.
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Old 04-28-2011, 01:46 PM   #18
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Re: how to make the choice to have another, when you know you can't SAHM?

I kindof understand how you feel. My ds was 3 when I started to consider having another child. I could not imagine him as an only child and the baby bug had already bitten me pretty hard. With ds, I went back to work at 4 weeks and felt really guilty about it. I tried to bf and only managed to hit my 3 month mark when everything went south. I really wanted to be a sahm mom this time around but it looks like I will continue to work. I felt a little guilty for a nanosecond but I look at my ds now and he has turned out fine so far. In my head I needed x, y and z to be the perfect mommy. I needed to be a sahm, I needed to bf and always be there for my child. The reality is that he is a very social, intelligent and well rounded kid. I keep aiming for the best and luckily things have been falling into place even if they don’t fall into the mold that I try to put myself in. I would love to wait until everything was just right but the reality is that I don’t want my kids to be too far apart in age. And so #2 is on her way.
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