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Old 03-30-2011, 06:44 AM   #1
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Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF *UPDATED*

**update**

Thank you for all of the advice, mamas, . It really helps!

I am going to just take it one day at a time and handle it as it comes up... if it does at all. I sent him the chart on the WHO page when he asked when I thought I would start DD on solids. And his response was 'hey that's a good chart' and it mentions breastfeeding till 2 years. So, maybe it'll be easier than I think.

And I didn't mean to offend any mamas about the family member who got her shirt ripped off. I know now that it is not normal behavior for a nursing toddler.... it definitely was because of other sources... it just reared it's ugly head in the nursing department. The situation just really irked DH and I when we were younger. Thank goodness for the internet and research and diaperswappers... or I'd still be terrified of nursing toddlers.

Another thing that really turned DH off about BFing past one was the movie 'Grown Ups' with Adam Sandler. IMHO, they portrayed the nursing woman in a bad light and DH was like 'I don't want you and our baby to be like THAT!!' But like all you mamas say, I think as he sees DD grow up and sees that she's still a baby... it won't be a big deal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!


**ORIGINAL POST**
I will start by saying that DH is EXTREMELY supportive of me...and I don't want this to sound like a bashing of him. He's amazing and I hate to say anything negative about him.

DH is on board with BFing till one year and is super exited that I am still breastfeeding and that I stuck through the rough times for my DD. But as of the moment he thinks that I should wean at one year. To be fair, while I was pregnant we both agreed that I would wean at one year. Now that I am in full force breastfeeding mode... I want my DD to get the best possible for as long as she feels she needs it.

I know that DH would probably understand if he is properly and gently informed of the recommendations to BF till two years.

The reason that we agreed to only breastfeed till one year is because the only child in our family that was EBF is a really terrible acting child. He's used to getting what he wants...when he wants.. and has ripped her shirt off in public before and thrown temper tantrums when she wouldn't feed him right at that moment. Being around this really burnt both of us on EBFing. Now I am more informed through the information I see passed around here on DS but DH is going to need more solid information about EBFing from a less activist source. If that makes any sense.

All of that rambling to say: I want some sources to send to DH to help him be more comfortable with BFing past one year. TIA mamas!

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Last edited by octoberblush; 04-01-2011 at 08:10 PM. Reason: typos - wrote this one handed
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Old 03-30-2011, 09:13 AM   #2
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

DH (and I!) was the same way, but you have to remember that right now your baby looks much different than a 1 year old baby. Many people have problems seeing how anyone could possibly nurse a 1 year old. Their child looks so different from a newborn they can't imagine it.

It's different when it's your baby, and it's different if you don't wean - every day she is only 1 day older, so it's a much more gradual change. It's not something huge to get used to, because it's the norm.

Honestly, I wouldn't even bring it up until he does, and not until 11-12mo. He'll see that your DD is different, and really is still a baby, too. If he asks benefits then, you can bring it up. If he asks before then, just say "We'll figure it out then, there's no reason to worry about it now."

Really, not all nurslings are demanding and spoiled DS has signed for milk (and now asks nicely with 'peas' or 'one'), and he doesn't get anything if he tries to rip my shirt off.
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Old 03-30-2011, 09:42 AM   #3
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

I decided for myself that if DS is old enough to ask for it, he's too old for it. I know that's not what you asked, that's just how I feel right now.
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:12 AM   #4
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

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Originally Posted by linzbear View Post
DH (and I!) was the same way, but you have to remember that right now your baby looks much different than a 1 year old baby. Many people have problems seeing how anyone could possibly nurse a 1 year old. Their child looks so different from a newborn they can't imagine it.

It's different when it's your baby, and it's different if you don't wean - every day she is only 1 day older, so it's a much more gradual change. It's not something huge to get used to, because it's the norm.

Honestly, I wouldn't even bring it up until he does, and not until 11-12mo. He'll see that your DD is different, and really is still a baby, too. If he asks benefits then, you can bring it up. If he asks before then, just say "We'll figure it out then, there's no reason to worry about it now."

Really, not all nurslings are demanding and spoiled DS has signed for milk (and now asks nicely with 'peas' or 'one'), and he doesn't get anything if he tries to rip my shirt off.
I know this now I was a bit younger and not a mother then and now know that it wasn't just the way she handled breastfeeding that caused him to be that way (they were in the middle of a divorce, the mother was going through mid life crisis and cheating, she didn't like to discipline... etc etc) It's actually kind of funny looking back on it because I had to make an emergency run to the other side of the store to buy her a shirt.

Thank you for your advice!
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Old 03-30-2011, 12:13 PM   #5
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

I think you'll be able to deal with it when you get there. We never had a magic age in mind, but there was no rush to wean the minute she turned one year either, ya know? DD weaned herself (well, I stopped offering and she stopped asking) at 14 mos (13.5 mos?)with absolutely no issue. At 13 months she was definitely not ready. It'll likely not really be an issue with your DH once you are actually there, at that age. Also, by a year old DD really wasn't nursing terribly often, so that helped too.
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Old 03-30-2011, 12:22 PM   #6
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

I say wait to bring it up. You won't be nursing as often and you can even limit nursing sessions to only at home, or naps/betime etc. You will be able to find something that works for you and maybe your DH will be more comfortable when he sees that its not as often and it doesn't have to be like what you have seen from this family member. Good luck!
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Old 03-30-2011, 12:32 PM   #7
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

Quote:
Originally Posted by linzbear View Post
DH (and I!) was the same way, but you have to remember that right now your baby looks much different than a 1 year old baby. Many people have problems seeing how anyone could possibly nurse a 1 year old. Their child looks so different from a newborn they can't imagine it.

It's different when it's your baby, and it's different if you don't wean - every day she is only 1 day older, so it's a much more gradual change. It's not something huge to get used to, because it's the norm.

Honestly, I wouldn't even bring it up until he does, and not until 11-12mo. He'll see that your DD is different, and really is still a baby, too. If he asks benefits then, you can bring it up. If he asks before then, just say "We'll figure it out then, there's no reason to worry about it now."

Really, not all nurslings are demanding and spoiled DS has signed for milk (and now asks nicely with 'peas' or 'one'), and he doesn't get anything if he tries to rip my shirt off.
Same here! I always said I'd nurse for 1 year and my DH agreed. Then when my oldest DD was around 6 months old I told my DH that I might want to nurse longer then a year and he balked. He had this image in his mind of a toddler and he didn't think that I should be nursing a toddler. So I waited.

Around 11 months old my DD had moved to only nursing first thing in the morning, before naps, and before bed. She still seemed like such a little girl and when I told my DH, "I don't want to just automatically wean her on her birthday. I think I'm going to keep nursing her for a while." he immediately responded, "yeah, that sounds good."

We ended up just waiting until my DD was ready to wean herself and she nursed for 22 months. She weaned when I was 14 weeks pregnant with #2 and my milk changed to colostrum.

Your baby is little and it is hard to imagine how big or little she'll seem at one year. Just keep nursing and then worry about that end date later.
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Old 03-30-2011, 12:38 PM   #8
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

Check out this info page from kellymom about extended breastfeeding.

I am sure that the child you know who nursed past 1 year is that way not because of extended BF, but because of other factors (parenting, his personality and temperament, etc).

I can say that DD nursed till she was almost 3. She never, not once, ripped my shirt off in public, or even asked for it in public. From age 1 on, we really only did morning, nap, and bedtime nursing, and from 2 on, it was only morning and bedtime. It was really a non-issue for my DH - and most of our family/friends did not even realize I was still nursing. Not that I hid it, but I also didn't flaunt it or anything. We are definitely the only ones in our "circle" of family/friends that nursed much past 1 year - but you know - I am so glad I did.

I am sure your DH will come around. He sounds like a pretty understanding guy, you have a lot of time between now and when your LO turns 1, and I assure you that extended BF will NOT spoil your child or cause her to tear your clothes off in public.
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Old 03-30-2011, 07:52 PM   #9
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

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Originally Posted by Len27 View Post
I think you'll be able to deal with it when you get there. We never had a magic age in mind, but there was no rush to wean the minute she turned one year either, ya know? DD weaned herself (well, I stopped offering and she stopped asking) at 14 mos (13.5 mos?)with absolutely no issue. At 13 months she was definitely not ready. It'll likely not really be an issue with your DH once you are actually there, at that age. Also, by a year old DD really wasn't nursing terribly often, so that helped too.
I agree with Len. I wouldn't put any time on it, really. Your baby will likely self-ween before two anyway, so there's no need to force the issue. Don't set yourself up for any type of failure thinking EBF until two is the magic ingredient to a happy family. If both you and your daughter want to keep nursing past one bring it up to your husband then.

I think if you're nonchalant about it- like, "Eh. I'll keep going a little longer. She's really not ready yet," instead of trying to sell him on weening at two, you might get better results.
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Old 03-31-2011, 10:39 AM   #10
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Re: Need help encouraging DH to be supportive of EBF

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I can say that DD nursed till she was almost 3. She never, not once, ripped my shirt off in public, or even asked for it in public. From age 1 on, we really only did morning, nap, and bedtime nursing, and from 2 on, it was only morning and bedtime. It was really a non-issue for my DH - and most of our family/friends did not even realize I was still nursing. Not that I hid it, but I also didn't flaunt it or anything. We are definitely the only ones in our "circle" of family/friends that nursed much past 1 year - but you know - I am so glad I did.
This sounds totally reasonable.
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