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Old 04-07-2011, 01:48 AM   #1
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any single WOHM out there?

how do you make it all work? do you get any sleep? are you always multi-tasking? do you have a life outside of the family? PLEASE tell me. i feel tired. i work at being organized, managing my time, prioritizing. still. will you tell me how you do it?

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Old 04-08-2011, 06:31 PM   #2
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

Its tough. Yes I am tired, yes I get cranky, yes sometimes my house looks like a toy store exploded in it but I manage to pull it together. Routine is the key for us. I get about 6 hours of sleep a day. Its enough but I do wish I was able to get more. One thing I do have is a young lady come in to clean my house every other weekend. Its the best 80 dollars I spend. Honestly, "me time" is few and far between. I just went about 6 months without getting a break. I tell myself I will get a sitter one night a month so that I can get some alone time and enjoy a movie but usually something happens like my son gets sick, or I can't get a baby sitter so I just put it off. My son is a horrible sleeper and even at 4 doesn't sleep through the night. This really is tough. Lately he has just been going to sleep in my bed (I really wish he would sleep alone in his own bed all night though) this cuts down on me having to get up and go to his room mutiple times each night to comfort him. He sleeps much better in my room so I am getting a better sleep too. I try to do any house work that needs to be done such as dishes, trash, bill paying, ect... while he is eating his breakfast or dinner.
Shopping is a big challenge. Right now I only have my son so I don't know how having 2 will work out. Generally, I try to do my grocery shopping on Friday afternoons right after I pick him up from daycare or really early Sunday mornings. Locally, we have a grocery store that I can order online and pick it up all bagged and ready to go from the customer service counter. They charge 9 dollars for this service but I figure if I was shopping with my son I would end up with 9 dollars in inpulse items anyway so I might as well just get the shopping done for me. I tend to use this service for big orders. I get home from work around 3:30pm... at least once a week we hit the playgrond before coming home. Once home my son plays for a while while I go through the mail and figure out what to make for dinner. Dinner is usually around 4:30 and that is followed by a nightly bath...by 6pm his is usually in his pjs. He watches about an hour of tv and is asleep by 7:30 most nights. After he goes to bed I clean up the kitchen from dinner, eat a snack, do a few househould chores such as laundry or folding clothes, watch some tv, then I go to bed by 10pm.
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Old 04-10-2011, 04:56 AM   #3
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

I am! I work 12 hour night shifts in the NICU, which isn't the funnest thing but I work a lot of weekends so my parents can watch DS(4 y/o). It works out well because I'm always around during the day for him, and I can do errands while he's at school in the mornings. I like to think I have a life. lol. My friends are all very comfortable with DS and would probably love to have me bring him along everytime we hang out but I need some 'me time'. I have been dating as well the past year on and off. But I am very fortunate to have a very large family where everyone is asking to babysit! I also have a 15 y/o teenage babysitter, she is seriously priceless. He adores her and she doesn't charge some crazy amount!
So anyhow, yes, it is possible! I do suffer from not getting enough sleep often(like pp) working nights it just is what it is. I try to sleep while DS is at school and just not sweat the small stuff. =)
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Old 04-10-2011, 11:41 PM   #4
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimmyann View Post
Its tough. Yes I am tired, yes I get cranky, yes sometimes my house looks like a toy store exploded in it but I manage to pull it together. Routine is the key for us.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2wyatt View Post
I am! I work 12 hour night shifts in the NICU, which isn't the funnest thing but I work a lot of weekends so my parents can watch DS(4 y/o). It works out well because I'm always around during the day for him, .......and just not sweat the small stuff. =)
thanks mamas for sharing. if you don't mind, will you share more? were any of you in relationship with the father? if yes, how did you handle the financial transitioning to sole breadwinner? i guess a key factor for me is that i can't find affordable care for my kids so that i can work and feel financially comfortable (at least not paycheck to paycheck). the less expensive daycares are $50/day each child. and that's for only 8 hours. if include commute time that would be 1-2 more hours and $5-$10 more each day. that's $30K/yr for childcare in my area.

i guess i'm actually a WO/AHM. i try to minimize my need to daycare. i am able to telecommute about 1/3 of my work, so i do that while the kids are playing, sometimes while we eat breakfast, and at night after they sleep. i bring them with me about 1/5 of the time to my short day trip meetings/visits when i travel around my various work sites. when the time comes around to do the other half of my work it is so challenging to find care for the kids.

i've thought about changing careers so that i can work while the kids are asleep (and my mom or sister can sleep/listen for them) in some kind of 3-12's or 4-10's schedule and then hire someone to care for the kids those three or four mornings while i sleep in.

i hear that many single parents struggle along until the kids are all in school....ughhhhh
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Old 04-10-2011, 11:58 PM   #5
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

Well for me, me ex left before DS was born so financiallly I have always been on my own. We had been together for 5 years so becoming the sole breadwinner was difficult for me. I never expected to be in that situation. Initially we lived with my parents, I was on bedrest my entire pregnancy so took time to get back to work after having DS. And when I went back to work I worked evenings/weekends so that family could help watch him, and now I work nights. I don't pay for daycare at all besides for my teenage babysitter I hire for whenever. DS does go to a morning preschool program for kids with special needs, so that helps a lot to give me a few hours in the morning. My BFF is currently going through a divorce and her ex DH(who currently watches their DS) is moving out of state, she found she will qualify for a childcare grant through the county to help her pay daycare, and ofcourse she will also be depending on child support, even though she works full time she couldn't make ends meet without the grant. So that might be something to look into. I'm not sure what your situation is but a friend of mine has an au pair(sp?) that watches her children. They go to college, and they together arrange a schedule around that for when she needs her to watch the kids. I believe it's fairly inexpensive(usually the childcare is sort of a trade for room and board and there is a small allowance). Her au pair takes evening classes and watches her 3 girls during the day on the days she works.
Feel free to ask any other questions you might have =)
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Old 04-13-2011, 09:46 PM   #6
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

For me I adopted as a single mom so I have always been the only one financially responsible. The downturn of the economy took a big hit out of my paycheck, and there are times when I struggle to pay the daycare payment. I make the daycare payment my priority payment because if it doesn't get paid then then my son can not attend and then I can't go to work...its a vicious cycle. The daycare payment is about 850 a month. When I started the adoption process for another child I was making alot more money..when the baby does come I will be working basically to pay daycare and with less than 200 dollars left over a month. So not sure how that is going to work out but it will. I don't recieve any support at all financially.
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:01 PM   #7
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

Yes, I am a single WOHM.

I've been single since early-December 2009. My ex-partner walked out. End of story. I receive no financial support from anyone.

It's all about balance and routine for my daughter and I, at least. I can't be thrown too far off track or we both get grouchy and ill-tempered.

My daycare provider is a gem and keeps DD for extended hours 1-2x per week, so I can go to therapy appointments (which are priority, and she knows that).

Financially - *if* I can manage a 40 hour week, I am just fine, but I have mental health issues (anxiety primarily causes me to miss work) that sometimes cause me to miss work, which shortens my paycheck. For the entire month of March and into April, my paychecks were about 24-26 hours/week on average, which took a BIG hit to the budget.
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Old 04-14-2011, 04:40 PM   #8
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

the only way I make it is to work part-time only. It requires financial sacrifice of course though. But I'm a single mom to 3 little girls. I don't have a life outside work and kids really and that's okay. but I do need one night of downtime once a week or I really lose it. I'm selfish like that. I used to be single and work full-time and go to school part-time but I had one child at the time and I was 19. I'm 30 now. I'm too old for that!
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Old 04-15-2011, 01:00 PM   #9
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

was a single mom until last year. For me routine and budgetting were key.

Some good friends gave me Financial Peace University as a gift. This really helped me start to adjust to 1 income. Yes, I was supposed to get cs, but xh never pays unless I take him to court. Even then I was getting $30 per week. I went into a lot of debt just b/c I couldn't keep up w/ the payments. The FPU gave me ways to deal w/ that and handle it. I also called my student loan company and let them know what was going on and got my monthly payment lowered. Thankfully I only had 1 in dcp.

As for sleep, yes, that I was able to manage fairly well. I cleaned on the weekends (or day until we did over nights) ds was w/ xh since I couldn't afford a housekeeper. I picked up every night after he went to bed. With just 2 of us the house didn't get too messy.

For cooking and groceries and laundry, I alternated with the weekends I cleaned. I did laundry & groceries when ds was home with me. For cooking, I'd cook Sat, Sun, & Wed. We'd have leftovers Mon, Tues, & Thurs. Fri was my night off and we'd go out or have take out. He was 3 or under so this was a feasible option financially. On Wed I used my crockpot. This helped a lot at night too freeing up time.

I really didn't get me time, but that's ok b/c I couldn't afford it anyway! Being a single mom made me more creative both with my time and money. It also gave me really good quality time w/ ds. I relied a lot on a few good friends since I don't have family around.

It's definatley doable b/c you're the one making all the financial and time management decisions for your household. The key is to finding the routine that works the best for you.
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:54 PM   #10
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Re: any single WOHM out there?

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Originally Posted by mommy2wyatt View Post
Well for me, me ex left before DS was born so financiallly I have always been on my own. We had been together for 5 years so becoming the sole breadwinner was difficult for me. I never expected to be in that situation. Initially we lived with my parents, I was on bedrest my entire pregnancy so took time to get back to work after having DS. And when I went back to work I worked evenings/weekends so that family could help watch him, and now I work nights. I don't pay for daycare at all besides for my teenage babysitter I hire for whenever. DS does go to a morning preschool program for kids with special needs, so that helps a lot to give me a few hours in the morning. My BFF is currently going through a divorce and her ex DH(who currently watches their DS) is moving out of state, she found she will qualify for a childcare grant through the county to help her pay daycare, and ofcourse she will also be depending on child support, even though she works full time she couldn't make ends meet without the grant. So that might be something to look into. I'm not sure what your situation is but a friend of mine has an au pair(sp?) that watches her children. They go to college, and they together arrange a schedule around that for when she needs her to watch the kids. I believe it's fairly inexpensive(usually the childcare is sort of a trade for room and board and there is a small allowance). Her au pair takes evening classes and watches her 3 girls during the day on the days she works.
Feel free to ask any other questions you might have =)
i wanted to get an au pair, which is extremely common in my home country. as much as i want one now, i think that may be a better option for later.

my eldest is in a half day preschool program too. when he started i was very relieved to have the opportunity to give my youngest more attention and to get other work done. then the youngest turned into a toddler and i could sometimes squeeze in a little work. after your post, i researched a little more and i found out that i qualify for a childcare grant as well and my youngest will be starting next month.

i'm hoping i guide my toddler through this next transition well, and that i'll free up more time for work and myself! thank you for sharing.
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