Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-13-2011, 01:07 PM   #11
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

It really depends on where you live and the chances of you fostering/adopting a newborn. Here, its very rare to get a newborn as judges are wanting to give parents the chance to parent despite previous history. (and in some cases its appropriate, some not).

I would not do anything drastic like selling your house as you'll take a big hit on it and you need a place to live. We put anything "extra" on hold and lived /live very modestly to make it all work. Its not easy but so worth it. There are some sliding fee agency's - if you are LDS or Christian its more of a possibility to do it more affordably. For the rest of us who aren't - forget it. It sucks... nothing easy about it.

I wouldn't focus so much on race and some of that stuff - focus on a good match for your family and the birthparents as to me that is far more important. It may or may not be cheaper - it really depends on the agency or if you do private and how much expenses the birthparents want. We did not focus on race at all and were open to anything and that still did not work for us so I don't get how people say its so much easier. We almost right before our son - we were talking to his birthparents and my gut told me to stick it out were offered a child - the race was very questionable as was the agency - they claimed mixed but we think full but we didn't care and bottom-line it was give us I forget how much but it was about $45,000 cash and he's yours BUT don't ask any questions - this is what made me walk as their paperwork and the stuff they told me about family history did not make sense when I read it but its a problem where I probably know too much. Its often all about the money. Even if you find great birthparents like ours who don't want money, someone else, like the attorney's have their hands out big time. Adoption is a business, not a social service any more.

Advertisement

__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2011, 07:36 PM   #12
Beth.
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 812
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

.
__________________
Mom to two beautiful girls

Last edited by Beth.; 12-03-2012 at 09:07 AM.
Beth. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2011, 08:00 PM   #13
jenfostermom's Avatar
jenfostermom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 753
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
thanks so much for the support and the info! It is encouraging. Though i have talked to a few people with experience with the foster care system in my county and i don't think they would give a newborn to just anyone. Maybe Jen can correct me if i am wrong, but i get the impression that you have to foster for the sake of fostering for some time before they would consider placement of a newborn. i've heard of a woman getting a newborn 2 months after beginning the process of getting licensed for foster care, but i doubt thats the norm. i don't even know if i we would get any placements at all if we were honest with our intentions of fostering to adopt an infant.

as an aside, does anyone know if you can be licensed for foster care for other counties? i think racine county has a foster to adopt program AND a safe haven program (thats where a newborn was placed 2 months after the parents finished the licensing process), but i don't think kenosha does...
I know you *can* get licensed in another county (I have a friend who lives in Kenosha and is licensed in Milwaukee where there's always a shortage of homes), but they will always pick a closer vicinity home when they can and you would have to be willing to drive a kiddo up to Milwaukee for visits with bio-parents. Racine county has a safe haven program (Kenosha doesn't) - where you do the training and get put on a list which could take a long or short time depending on how many infants get abandoned under the safe haven law.

Also our best friends are FP in our county too and they got a newborn girl 22 days after they got their foster license, so it's not always a super long wait...you just never know (she was the one that was supposedly healthy and she ended up having FAS, but the healthy issue is another issue altogether with fostering). We are praying for our next one as soon as our adoption is done for little man in May.

Hugs mama.....hoping you can figure out which way is best for your family.
__________________
Beloved daughter of the King of Kings, married to DH for 15 years SAHM mom to DS 14, DS 12, DD 10, DD 8, DS 5, DS 4, DFD 2, and DFD 6 mos Hopeful to adopt both DFDs before the end of 2013!

Last edited by jenfostermom; 04-13-2011 at 08:04 PM.
jenfostermom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2011, 11:05 PM   #14
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth. View Post
You're in SE Wisconsin, right? Have you talked to LSS and Bethany yet? You should be able to adopt a healthy, Wisconsin-born infant for under $15,000 with one of those two agencies. I am not familiar with Catholic Charities-MKE, but they might be an option as well. If you meet their religion requirements, Evangelical Child and Family Agency and LDS Family Services are also options.

For a private agency or independent adoption in-state, you'll be hard pressed to do it for any less than $11,000. Wisconsin laws require an agency, an attorney for TPR (in court with a judge), and an GAL for the baby. If mom is a minor, she needs a GAL too.

I just stumbled across a brand new agency in WI (local to you) -- I know nothing about them, but worth a call. It looks like they are trying hard to recruit families. http://adoptionave.com.foremostmedia...5/Default.aspx

Here is a link to all licensed agencies in Wisconsin. http://www.wiadoptioninfocenter.org/snav/325/page.htm

We are in western Wisconsin. Here, practically nobody adopts young children from foster care. The only kiddos that become available are much older and usually have big issues. In our county, there's only 5 or 6 kids in care because the county has no resources to actually remove kids from homes. I do know that Wisconsin allows families to work with counties other than their own (but it depends on the county's willingness), so maybe that's an option for you.

Good luck! I know the financial aspect of adoption is so hard to face. We had no idea how we would do it when we started July 2007, but it has all worked itself out.
i am not familiar with those agencies and honestly i'm terrified of trying to pick an agency to pursue. like the pp who said someone offered them a baby for 45,000...sounds sketchy. i thought there were some pretty strong regulations on adoption but the more i read the more i think there are more than a few scams/unethical agencies around. thanks for the info i'm goign to check out those agencies mentioned. 15,000 seems crazy, like it might as well be a million. but i suppose its much less than what an international adoption would be. that is 7x the value of both our vehicles put together lol! it will either take us 10 years to save up that much or we would have to take out a loan somehow. i wouldn't think you could walk into a bank and ask for a 15,000 loan for an adoption.

also, i am heartbroken at the thought that kids might be kept in unsafe homes because there aren't proper resources to help them find different living situations. ugh. poor babies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenfostermom View Post
I know you *can* get licensed in another county (I have a friend who lives in Kenosha and is licensed in Milwaukee where there's always a shortage of homes), but they will always pick a closer vicinity home when they can and you would have to be willing to drive a kiddo up to Milwaukee for visits with bio-parents. Racine county has a safe haven program (Kenosha doesn't) - where you do the training and get put on a list which could take a long or short time depending on how many infants get abandoned under the safe haven law.

Also our best friends are FP in our county too and they got a newborn girl 22 days after they got their foster license, so it's not always a super long wait...you just never know (she was the one that was supposedly healthy and she ended up having FAS, but the healthy issue is another issue altogether with fostering). We are praying for our next one as soon as our adoption is done for little man in May.

Hugs mama.....hoping you can figure out which way is best for your family.
that is a good point about travel. i'm NOT into driving in milwaukee at all, but i was thinking more along the lines of racine, though i would imagine getting licensed in milwaukee would open more doors in terms of volume of kids in teh system, no? does the safe haven thing work like a foster to adopt where the state pays the fees? i need to look more into that, do you have any idea who/where to contact about that?

I know my first step should be contacting the community impact program to inquire about the fostering program, but i'm scared. i keep going back to the page and staring at it.

jen i have been thinking of you since you got your official date. what a relief it must be. i'm thinking pink thoughts!
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family

Last edited by newmommy13; 04-13-2011 at 11:06 PM.
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2011, 11:33 PM   #15
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

If it makes you feel better the sketchy agency is not one that has ever been talked about on here or I would absolutely warn the person/people involved. There is a lot of sketchy stuff, but there are a lot of good/ethical above board adoptions happening. You just have to educate yourself on every detail (and we can help you there - between all of us what one does't know, the other may or we can figure it out with you ) and understand the choices you are making.

Yes, you can walk into a bank and sometimes get an adoption loan. Others, put it on a credit card too with a low interest rate. I personally am uncomfortable with both of these but its a personal choice. There are also places to go for grants but we never bothered trying as they are income based. Some agency's are sliding fee.

Beth is well educated on adoption. Listen to her on the agency stuff if she knows that area well.

Understand with newborn adoption - it isn't necessarily kids being kept in unsafe homes. Birthparents place for many reasons but a lot of them "could" parent and probably would do a very good job but their situation is not right for them to parent at that time. In no way would I ever think my son or his brother being raised by his parents/my son's birthparents is in an unsafe home (and if at any time I don't like something they KNOW they will hear about it, just like I will if I did something they don't agree with as we have that kind of relationship).
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 07:34 AM   #16
galesville1980's Avatar
galesville1980
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,364
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
i am not familiar with those agencies and honestly i'm terrified of trying to pick an agency to pursue. like the pp who said someone offered them a baby for 45,000...sounds sketchy. i thought there were some pretty strong regulations on adoption but the more i read the more i think there are more than a few scams/unethical agencies around. thanks for the info i'm goign to check out those agencies mentioned. 15,000 seems crazy, like it might as well be a million. but i suppose its much less than what an international adoption would be. that is 7x the value of both our vehicles put together lol! it will either take us 10 years to save up that much or we would have to take out a loan somehow. i wouldn't think you could walk into a bank and ask for a 15,000 loan for an adoption.
$15k is nothing compared to what others pay...I felt lucky that I adopted two kiddos for under $25k. It was worth every . I look at it as "it is what it is"...we wanted a baby so we jumped through the hoops and paid the fees....and doing so we have two beautiful babies!
__________________
***OPEN ADOPTION BLESSED OUR FAMILY TWICE***

We thank god for our infertility everyday!!

Last edited by galesville1980; 04-14-2011 at 07:36 AM.
galesville1980 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 01:34 PM   #17
WynneBabies's Avatar
WynneBabies
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6,545
My Mood:
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

So interesting you can be licensed in a county you don't live in for you WI people. Here at least in the metro TC area, they absolutely won't do it.
__________________
A SAHM to four long out of diapers (all used cloth for all or part of their diapering years) and a baby girl currently in cloth part time.
WynneBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 02:01 PM   #18
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by galesville1980 View Post
$15k is nothing compared to what others pay...I felt lucky that I adopted two kiddos for under $25k. It was worth every . I look at it as "it is what it is"...we wanted a baby so we jumped through the hoops and paid the fees....and doing so we have two beautiful babies!
We would have been lucky at $25,000 but it depends on if you separate the adoption from the craziness pre-son/pre-match. I look at it as "it is what it is" too but it still annoys me as that could have been his college fund (we are doing it anyway but still). I have no regrets but I could have had 2-3 kids for what happened to us had things gone well. We really got screwed over several times over but you are right "it is what it is" and as one person I'm not changing that but can only tell people try this or hum... we tried that and its not a good idea. BUT, I know its hard as $5,000 or $15,000 is a lot of money and what we spent was crazy and lots of sacrificing. No way when we started did we think it would be that extreme and $20,000 was what we thought was the max and its been a huge sacrifice but I would not trade my son for all the money in the world.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 06:27 AM   #19
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Re: why is it so hard?!?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcjs View Post
. Understand with newborn adoption - it isn't necessarily kids being kept in unsafe homes Birthparents place for many reasons but a lot of them "could" parent and probably would do a very good job but their situation is not right for them to parent at that time. In no way would I ever think my son or his brother being raised by his parents/my son's birthparents is in an unsafe home (and if at any time I don't like something they KNOW they will hear about it, just like I will if I did something they don't agree with as we have that kind of relationship).
that makes sense. i thought what beth meant was that older kids weren't able to be removed from homes that they otherwise would be because there isn't enough foster homes or funding to support it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by galesville1980 View Post
$15k is nothing compared to what others pay...I felt lucky that I adopted two kiddos for under $25k. It was worth every . I look at it as "it is what it is"...we wanted a baby so we jumped through the hoops and paid the fees....and doing so we have two beautiful babies!
i can't imagine a better use of funds. it just seems so sad to me that the only thing that would prevent someone from adopting is money, or cause a family to pursue special needs adoption.

as far as how many kiddos can be in the home, i think there might be some wiggle room even for this number. i know a woman in my county who has 11 children, now 10 in the home because her oldest is away at school. she has adopted most of her kiddos from foster care, all older kids/minorities/special needs. i know that #10 and 11 were a special needs sib set. so i'm thinking thats the reason for the exception, in addition with her history of fostering/adopting. though i know she wasn't allowed to adopt a third sibling of that last sib set when the new baby was born.

thank you all for the info and support! i have poked around at a few of the sites on that list of WI agencies and i see that many of the families waiting to be matches are open to minority and even special needs babies. (ps is there another more PC way to address children who aren't caucasian or is minority the term that is used?) that really surprised me, and kind of bummed me out a little, but another national agency that i saw offered a reduced fee for biracial and african american kiddos so because there is a greater need for those children...maybe they are just meaning older kids?

so basically if we go for infant domestic adoption we will be making a profile and waiting for an expecting mother to pick us? i am worried about that for a few reasons. first of all, we already have a bio kid and no known infertility issues, and all of the profiles i viewed mentioned infertility. also our daughter has cerebral palsy, i would think that having a special needs bio daughter might lead a mother to think that we would favor that child or something. besides that, why would a mother pick us? some of those parents had pictures of their huge beautiful new house and talked about how they have advanced degrees and have traveled the world...we seem much less desirable in comparison. i know it sounds petty and they are looking for a good match not how much is in our bank account but...we are humans. money matters. are these valid concerns or am i being silly?

another thing is that a pp mentioned that really, healthy infants in the US are not lacking good homes. the need isn't there versus international adoption, but then we run into a financial issue. however, on one of those WI agencies they had a list of countries they work with and what their fees and requirements are, and as a range of fees for hong kong it started around 15,000. i was kind of floored by that and assuming it is probably not the norm? but the country fee is only 1,500 so maybe its fairly common? plus only one parent is required to travel, and only one visit is required. so that factors in too, though i can't imagine myself traveling to a different country without my husband. i don't even drive in milwaukee.

i really love the idea of adopting from the philippines. we have a friend who moved here from there 6 years ago and her dd is like a sister to my dd, i babysit her every day. is that a silly reason for wanting to adopt from a country? i know there are more important things, like requirements and fees and whatnot...but if there were no other factors i would look here first. i know that being aware of the child's ethnic heritage is important and we have already attended several cultural events in our community and love them! my husband is in love with the food. is there any way the adoption could be easier by finding a child without the help of an agency? her whole family is there and i think finding an expecting mother there through them might be an option. is this feasible?
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family

Last edited by newmommy13; 04-15-2011 at 07:50 AM.
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 10:27 AM   #20
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: why is it so hard?!?!? aka Ingrids giant list of questions!

We found our son privately and many people do it that way. We were on a site called parent profiles for several years but we only needed that one phone call and that was our son...and now we are parents. You get a private homestudy and advertise/word of mouth. I wouldn't look at all the issues you are worrying about. Bottomline is YOU WANT a second child and are not wanting a biological one and adoption makes sense for your family - not a big deal. Adoption is a wonderful way to build your family. Stop worrying about others and worry about yourself. To me adoption is a selfish act that fulfills your need to become a mom and there is nothing wrong with that.

If a birthmom/agency does not like your child having CP, then TUFF and they aren't the right match for you.

Foster care vs. international - its a toss up but kids in foster care/older are going to have a lot of emotional needs just in the fact they were removed, in foster care, etc. and that doesn't include any predisposition to mental health or drug issues - you can obviously get that with a bio child and the same goes for international. So, what risks are you willing to take? What are you comfortable with? What will better fit in with your family? And, in reality, what can you afford? Don't compare yourself to what someone else did but listen for ideas - if I told you everything we went through I might scare you off BUT, I will tell you go to for it as not everyone, but some have our experience and we have our child, which is the main thing.

With international - you have to usually live in the country or do it through an agency here. There are a few countries that allow private but its hard and not simple. It isn't something I'd try.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.