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Old 04-14-2011, 03:06 PM   #1
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DH trouble sleeping with baby

My DH is a super sensitive sleeper. We have been cosleeping with our 8 month old DS since day one and DH has spent almost every night on the couch. He will make good faith efforts and start the night in bed, but when DS cries at 3am or so, DH hits the couch.

We're not angry at each other, but DH continues to hint that he'd like DS to start sleeping in his own room. I'm not comfortable forcing DS to move to his own room before he's ready or putting him through anything that he would feel is "abandonment". But I feel sorry for DH too.

Anyone have suggestions??

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Old 04-14-2011, 03:09 PM   #2
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

your baby will be fine. I'd transition the baby and make your husband happy by letting him sleep in his own bed.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:19 PM   #3
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

I think you have to do what is best for all three of you. If it were me, I'd start transitioning LO before it becomes a major problem. I'm not sure co-sleeping can be a good, nurturing thing unless both parents are invested in it.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:27 PM   #4
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

What are the signs that you'll know he's ready?
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:52 PM   #5
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

I agree w/PP's

I co-slept/co-sleep with mine until I or DH was/is no longer comfortable. Right now the newbie is sometimes in bed, sometimes in her bassinet beside the bed. I'd have her right next to me in bed every night, excpet that DH feels crowded (so do I but it doesn't irritate me like it does him).

I can totally sympethize with him, cause if I feel like my space is invaded at night, I can't sleep well and I am totally miserable... I don't want ANY one touching me while I sleep, I can't have anything touching my face at all - not even the blanket, the pillow has to be JUST a certain way... I've even had to sleep with a separate blanket from DH cause feeling him under the covers makes me feel like I don't have any space! So, I don't want him feeling that way about the baby. (For some reason, my babies don't count towards this - they can be right on top of me and don't bother me at all, but it applies to everyone else!)

I think sleep issues can eventually cause really big problems, even if they don't seem to initially. Sleep is pretty important.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:55 PM   #6
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Some kids can never be transitioned to their own bed without experienced some mild abandonment. Unless you are prepared to have DH still be sleeping on the cough when DS is 5 or 6 you might want to consider not just when he is ready but when the family is ready for a transition.
I transitioned DD about that age because she started crawling off the bed at night and I was frightened for her safety. It was hard for a few nights but everyone started sleeping better. She(3 1/2) does still sleep with us if she is sick, has a bad dream, or we are traveling.
It is okay to think of yourself and your DH as well as DS. He will be okay either way. How will your marriage fare if DH spends too many years on the couch.

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Old 04-14-2011, 03:56 PM   #7
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

Have you looked at using a crib side car situation or transitioning your DS to a bed in your room?

It sounds like your DH just doesn't like the baby noises, but is he going to be any happier if you have to get up at night and go to the other room to tend the baby? I think finding the middle ground might be best.
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Old 04-14-2011, 06:16 PM   #8
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

IMO babies are way more resilient than husbands. your ds might have a little trouble transitioning, but he is not going to harbor any resentment against you for it. your dh on the other hand might start to resent you if you ignore his feelings about the situation. on the other hand, your ds may surprise you and the transition could be easier than you think. that's been my experience with my 2 year old dd and all those "big" transitions that i expected to be absolutely devastating!
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:22 PM   #9
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

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Originally Posted by Fairycat View Post
Have you looked at using a crib side car situation or transitioning your DS to a bed in your room?

It sounds like your DH just doesn't like the baby noises, but is he going to be any happier if you have to get up at night and go to the other room to tend the baby? I think finding the middle ground might be best.
Finding out just what it is that bothers your DH would be the first step, I think. It is that the baby noises disturb his sleep? If so, it isn't going to be any better if baby goes to his own room - baby is still going to cry, and you'll hear it over the baby monitor. Plus he'll have to deal with one of you (presumably you) getting up out of bed and going into baby's room, then coming back in later.

What worked (and is working) for us right now is DH sleeps in our bed, and I sleep with baby in baby's room. DH is a night owl who only needs about 5 hours of sleep, but he needs those hours. So he comes to bed between 1:30 - 2:30, then gets up 6:30 - 7:30, depending on what time he has to be at work. (Unless he's off, in which case he sleeps until 10). Baby still wakes sometimes around 1 - 2, but consistently about 4, then sleeps until 7. Between DH's late bedtime, his alarm clock, and baby waking up every couple of hours when a newborn, nobody was getting any sleep at all. So we've sacrificed being together at night for the sleep we desperately need. We aren't incredibly thrilled about it, but we've had enough overnight guests in baby's room and vacations, during which the 3 of us end up co-sleeping, to realize this is the best for now. DH only has to wake up when his alarm goes off, and I only have to wake up when baby does.

Anyway, communication is key. Sit down with your DH and discuss options, with the goal in mind of "how are we all going to sleep best", and a willingness to maybe try multiple options until you find what works best for your family at this point.

Last edited by Sha-nanagins; 04-14-2011 at 07:23 PM.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:45 PM   #10
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Re: DH trouble sleeping with baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by eaglewife126 View Post
IMO babies are way more resilient than husbands.
SOOOOOO aptly put, and so true!!!

Sometimes my DH is a bigger baby than the babies are!
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