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Old 04-30-2011, 01:44 PM   #1
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Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

I was pretty happy at first. We both were. We were kind of in limbo anyways, about having another. We have 1 DS right now (2.5 years). He keeps me busy. We have no family around here, FWIW.

I was so glad to have had the decision made for us, because I don't think we would have ever actually made it. DS was an awful baby. Yep, awful. If he was awake, he was screaming and it was horrid. DH was away and we lived in a really remote location then, so I had no help (friends/family/medically)...So my experience with a baby is not pleasant to begin with.

But yeah, I was so excited. Not I feel....I dunno. Guilty? I'm only 7 weeks and I would be really upset if I lost the baby. But I guess with the all day sickness and the inability to take DS out to do things because I'm just dead....I have so much guilt already and it's got me worried about him missing out on things post-baby.

DS is my guy. He's like my best little friend. We do everything together and he's a total mommy's boy, and I love it. I just get worried he'll change or he'll feel neglected and it makes me want to burst into tears. And I think of all the things I *should* be doing with him now...that I'm just too sick to.

I usually take him out to play groups/the pre-school 4 or 5 days out of the work week and then we do whatever on the weekend, but we've only been out once in the last 2 weeks. (Of course we do stuff outside when the weather permits...aka: him playing, me trying not to wretch on the lounge chair! ) It's tough. And DH has been working like crazy (usually 7 days a week) so it's not like I can get him to take DS to a group while I die alone on the couch for a coupel hours. (Although, I want to add that DH is amazing when he IS home, he's just not around lately. It's busy)

So...yeah. There are so many unexpected feelings that are over riding the happiness...It's tough. I just feel like bursting into tears at any moment. I'm hoping most of it will get better once I feel better, but as for now, I'm just running on fumes.

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Old 04-30-2011, 01:55 PM   #2
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

I'm not in your situation, but this struck a chord with me:

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DS is my guy. He's like my best little friend. We do everything together and he's a total mommy's boy, and I love it. I just get worried he'll change or he'll feel neglected and it makes me want to burst into tears. And I think of all the things I *should* be doing with him now...that I'm just too sick to.
Because that's how I feel when I think about having another baby. I wonder how people get to the point where they know they want more and if I will ever get there. I also wonder what kind of feelings I'll have if we end up with a surprise pregnancy.

Anyway, I'm interested to see what advice other mamas have to give you.

As far as my opinion, I think you have a long way to go yet and that any pregnancy is filled with a mix of emotions! I'm guessing that as your pregnancy progresses (especially when you start feeling a bit better after the first tri!) and you've had a bit more time to digest the news, you'll start to feel happy and excited about the whole thing!

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Old 04-30-2011, 02:08 PM   #3
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

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Originally Posted by Stefibeth View Post
As far as my opinion, I think you have a long way to go yet and that any pregnancy is filled with a mix of emotions! I'm guessing that as your pregnancy progresses (especially when you start feeling a bit better after the first tri!) and you've had a bit more time to digest the news, you'll start to feel happy and excited about the whole thing!
I think she's right. I think it will also be fun as your belly starts to grow and you can talk to your DS more about the baby. When he gets excited, I bet that will ease some of your worries!!
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:16 PM   #4
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I wanted to share my story, and hope that it will encourage you. My DS was a horrible baby too...extremely collicky, and he never slept. I decided I didn't want more kids because of that, but then I started to come around when DS was 2. We got pregnant with my DD right away and I immediately had all of those horrible memories rush back.

My DS and I were close-we were always home together while DH was at work or school. I had horrible morning sickness and he spent a lot of time during the first trimester coloring alone or watching tv. I felt awful and guilty. But once things calmed down in the second trimester, it was an entirely different situation. We let him help pick things for the baby, did lots if fun things together, and he loved every moment.

I can tell you it's not easy. And there are days where you will feel like "what did we do?!", but ultimately, your live will grow. The first time my DS held his new baby sister and kissed her tiny little hand, I thought my heart would literally explode. Do what you have to to get through these first months-kids have great intuition and even if he can't verbalize it, he probably knows mommy doesn't feel well, and he won't hold a grudge later. Hang in there! It gets better, I promise!
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:30 PM   #5
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

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I wanted to share my story, and hope that it will encourage you. My DS was a horrible baby too...extremely collicky, and he never slept. I decided I didn't want more kids because of that, but then I started to come around when DS was 2. We got pregnant with my DD right away and I immediately had all of those horrible memories rush back.

My DS and I were close-we were always home together while DH was at work or school. I had horrible morning sickness and he spent a lot of time during the first trimester coloring alone or watching tv. I felt awful and guilty. But once things calmed down in the second trimester, it was an entirely different situation. We let him help pick things for the baby, did lots if fun things together, and he loved every moment.

I can tell you it's not easy. And there are days where you will feel like "what did we do?!", but ultimately, your live will grow. The first time my DS held his new baby sister and kissed her tiny little hand, I thought my heart would literally explode. Do what you have to to get through these first months-kids have great intuition and even if he can't verbalize it, he probably knows mommy doesn't feel well, and he won't hold a grudge later. Hang in there! It gets better, I promise!
Thank you so much! What a great story to hear. Just what I needed, I think!!! And I see you're brave enough to go for a third, so that says something!
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:43 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Jelliebean

Thank you so much! What a great story to hear. Just what I needed, I think!!! And I see you're brave enough to go for a third, so that says something!
Haha, well...#3 was a surprise! And I have been the sickest yet with this one, but I am not too panicked since I know it does get better! I am glad my story could help.
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:48 PM   #7
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

Obviously it has been a few years since I went from 1 to 2. But I still remember it,it was such a huge thing at the time(I never went through it after we had two and on). I felt really scared and really guilty. I never told anyone and just smiled and agreed when everyone said how great it was. But one day I shared with a woman at church who had 7 kids and she told me the more children you have the more love you have,you never have to give some of your love away to another child, you just have more and no one misses out. But the biggest thing I never thought about was not what they were losing(one on one mommy time) but what they were gaining(a life long companion). She shared with me how her children were able to love and support each other in ways she just couldn't even if she only had one child. As our family has grown I have seen first hand how true this really is , and I am so grateful that they have each other. I can never be everything and there are times where one child needs more attention than another,but to see the LOVE they have for one another is the most beautiful thing. It's going to be ok,there's a lot going on and once you feel better you will be ale to do more things with your ds.
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:55 PM   #8
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

I am feeling the same way today i actually started to cry just reading your post because I totally could have written the same exact thing! I am also just 7 weeks....maybe its just an emotional time for us? My DS is my little man, he is my pride and joy, my best buddy and my little partner! I knew I wanted 2 but when I got the BFP i was in shock!!! we weren't trying but not protecting either so I knew it was a possibility, but when it actually happened I wanted to puke. Hang in there and I have to just tell myself it will get better. The story from the PP made me smile and realize that it will be okay and that I have room in my heart to love another one just as much as DS.
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Old 04-30-2011, 03:07 PM   #9
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

I am so sorry for you mama! PRegnancy is a trying and emtional time as it is!
I have a similar experience, i thought i would share just to encourage you. My DS was a nightmare baby. One day he started screaming and didn't stop for over a year. He screamed all day, and all night, and it took a huge toll on my husband and I. Our relationship suffered, and I became severely depressed. We went to specialist and switched pediatricians several times and always got to the point with them where they would say "there's no medical reason why he is like this." Sometimes I wanted to just drop him off at my mother in laws, get in my car and never come back. Even after the painful screaming stopped, he seemed to want to be a miserable/complainy kid. It's much better now, and sharing my experience with other moms and hearing their stories has helped me. I love my DS now no matter what he does-and he's still a little ball buster!
But I knew that if i kept waiting for an "accident" to happen while on birth control i knew it would never happen. I knew WE would have to decide. And even though DS was hard i KNOW it's not possible (barring a severe medical condition) for another child to be as difficult. I also know that he NEEDS to learn selflessness, and that he's going to need a pal when he gets older. So we just did it!
It's not been easy, my pregnancy thus far is kicking my butt. I've been too sick to care for him, and felt so guilty that he's had to be shuttled between grandparents for care. I hate that I can't care for my own child, but i know it won't last forever. I plan to (once I'm all better) spend as much time this summer having fun with my little boy. I'll let the home improvement go to the backburner, and maybe cook more simple things in order to spend as much time doing fun things with him as possible. I KNOW I won't let him forget how much i love him!
Be stong mama! You love your DS and this new baby and at the end of the day that love gets you through the toughest times! Sounds so cheezy but it's so true!
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Old 04-30-2011, 04:43 PM   #10
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Re: Emotions from an unplanned pregnancy. Experiences?

We struggled with the idea of having a second for a lot of reasons. I know what you mean when you say DS is your buddy, I felt that way about DD and thought having another would somehow take away from that. I also was so sick with both my pregnancies (my second I ended up with a picc line and home care nurses because the hyperemesis was so bad) I felt so guilty about how little attention DD got for a while when I was too sick to play with her but she was so good about it all. Now that my youngest is two and I see the way my kids adore each other and how much my daughter loves being a big sister, I can see all the stress and guilt and sickness was so worth it. Now I am on the fence about having one more.

There are always going to be tough days, especially when the hormones are raging and you want to yack all the time. It WILL get better and it will be worth it.
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