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Old 05-04-2011, 06:02 PM   #11
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

Respite foster girl went back Easter weekend to my parents. We had her for almost a month while they did some traveling.
Our foster girl will be leaving us May 9. She is going to relatives. We have had her 7 weeks will almost be 8 wks when she leaves. We will miss her but love the relatives she is going to go live with.

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Old 05-04-2011, 08:08 PM   #12
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenfostermom View Post
Who we are:

mariegal
First Name: Marie
Children/adopted,bio,or foster/ages: B (adopted)
Where you are at in the foster/adopt process: waiting for our home study to be approved (everything else is done)
Could you please change this to: waiting for a match

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So we decided to forgo our next cycle of treatments and go ahead with adoption. So unless I get pg. this cycle we are putting in our application the end of the month! I need to get started on it.
Congrats on the first step!

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It's so hard to say no....but we didn't feel peace about saying yes and each time we have taken LO's we have felt a resounding yes in our hearts along with peace when it was right. Not sure if that makes sense...
It totally makes sense to me! That happened with DS. We just knew it was right, and dropped everything to fly 3000 miles away.
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Old 05-04-2011, 11:54 PM   #13
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

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Respite foster girl went back Easter weekend to my parents. We had her for almost a month while they did some traveling.
Our foster girl will be leaving us May 9. She is going to relatives. We have had her 7 weeks will almost be 8 wks when she leaves. We will miss her but love the relatives she is going to go live with.


So I finally heard back from my co-worker. Its just such a weird and frustrating situation. She said that they talked to a lawyer that told them that they weren't required to pay for any e-mom expenses and that they don't need a homestudy or anything. Is that even true? The e-mom has asked them to pay for medical expenses but she said they are going to tell her, and I quote:

"We are going to have the baby for 18 years and take care of all the expenses so you need to pay your own medical/legal expenses." She said that if the e-mom isn't ok with that then she'll give her our number. I just can't believe they aren't willing to pay anything, isn't it pretty standard? I'm just baffled and super frustrated because I feel like they are just almost wanting to take the baby becuase of obligation when we so badly want a baby.

I just keep telling myself that it will work out if its meant to be, and if not something else will work out.
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Old 05-04-2011, 11:55 PM   #14
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

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Originally Posted by mariegal View Post
Could you please change this to: waiting for a match


Congrats on the first step!


It totally makes sense to me! That happened with DS. We just knew it was right, and dropped everything to fly 3000 miles away.
for waiting! What agency are you guys using?
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Old 05-05-2011, 08:23 AM   #15
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

Ugh Amy! That is so not standard! Generally birth mothers end up not having to pay any child related expenses. They are placing their child! They shouldn't need to pay to do that. I don't know what is wrong with your co-worker, but something tells me they really don't want a baby. I can see them being concerned that they're out a lot of money if e-mom changes her mind, but otherwise they have a very strange attitude about the situation.
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:15 AM   #16
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

Amy -- they would need some sort of home study even if it's post placement only per Utah laws regarding adoption (and I'm sure other states as well). There has to be at least one post placement visit by a social worker before an adoption can be finalized.

As far as birth mother expenses, I don't think it's law that you have to pay them which is probably where the lawyer is coming from, but really, it's better to do so. Placing a child is hard enough without having to worry about the medical costs associated with having the baby. Your co-worker really doesn't quite get it.


We have plans to meet up with the girls' birth mom tomorrow for a Michael McLean concert that is Celebrating Adoption. I hope she really does come as I miss her and I'd love for her to see the girls again, but I have to remind myself that she may change her mind. Maybe she's not ready to see them yet, especially this close to Mother's Day. Regardless if she's coming or not, we are sending her flowers for Mother's Day.
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:15 AM   #17
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

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Old 05-05-2011, 01:56 PM   #18
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

I think that is super sweet Tami.

I agree, I don't think they really want the baby either. The whole thing is just sooo weird! I don't get it. She said that she gave the E-mom my number and they are just leaving it up to her. She is supposed to give me the e-mom's number as well, would you call her? If so what would you say? I don't want to feel like I'm snatching the chance to adopt this baby away from them, but I also think that I get it more than she does, I think they are just really not ready to adopt, but I guess its not my place to place that judgement and I think my views are a bit skewed.

However, other co-workers that heard her talk today at lunch said the same thing, they think that she doesn't want the baby. They were like 'wouldn't you be excited about it? She doesn't seem excited.'
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:33 PM   #19
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

It can be scary calling an e-mom for the first time. In this situation it's even more so since she didn't contact you prior. You could either just wait to see if she's going to call you or you could be brave and call her. Just tell her that you are a co-worker of so and so and that she had told you that the e-mom is considering placing for adoption. Ask the e-mom questions about her and about the pregnancy, etc. Ask her what she wants as far as openess and if she would like to meet you and your DH. Good luck!
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Old 05-05-2011, 06:51 PM   #20
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Re: Chat Thread - May 2-8th

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Originally Posted by bug2003 View Post
It can be scary calling an e-mom for the first time. In this situation it's even more so since she didn't contact you prior. You could either just wait to see if she's going to call you or you could be brave and call her. Just tell her that you are a co-worker of so and so and that she had told you that the e-mom is considering placing for adoption. Ask the e-mom questions about her and about the pregnancy, etc. Ask her what she wants as far as openess and if she would like to meet you and your DH. Good luck!
OK thanks. I am beyond nervous to call. My dh offered, but do you think its better if I call?
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