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Old 05-07-2011, 03:22 PM   #1
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Talking Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

So some of you might have read our sitauation but I will recap quickly.

My co-worker came to me 2 weeks ago asking me if I wanted to adopt her dh's co-worker's girlfriend's baby. She knew we were about to start the adoption process. She (the co-worker) can't have any kids of her own so they were asked if they wanted the baby but she hasn't made a definative decision as to whether or not she wants to adopt the baby. So she is putting us in contact with her and I guess just letting the e-mom decide if she us to adopt or them. There are a lot of other issues as far as my co-worker goes, but that is the situation in a nutshell.

Anyway I am going to dinner tonight with my co-worker, the e-mom and me. I am thinking its going to be awkward since my co-worker hasn't completely decided not to adopt the baby, I'm just sooo nervous. I'm not sure what to say, do, wear, etc. I've never been in this situation before and I'm nervous excited but trying not to be too much so since there are so many things that could go wrong at this point. So my questions are:

What do I say to her/ask her? I have a lot of questions for her, but I'm not sure how far into things I should go?
Do I offer to pay for her meal?
What else should I know? Should I take pictures of my own family with me or would that be weird? DH isn't coming becuase we have no one to watch the kids and we don't want to overwhelm her and I also haven't told our kids anything and won't until things are more set in stone.

Any prayers you could send on our behalf would be so greatly appreciated. I know that in the end it will work out the way it is meant to but its such a roller coaster in the meantime!

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Old 05-07-2011, 04:43 PM   #2
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

How nerve wracking! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but you'll be in my thoughts tonight. Good luck, I hope everything goes smoothly and it all gets sorted out.
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Old 05-07-2011, 05:00 PM   #3
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

Hey mama. You are very brave for doing this . From what I hear it is tough enough to meet an e-mom but even tougher if there is someone else there who is potentially interested. I think that everything will probably be fine but my prayers will definitely be with you. Depending on where you are located you may or may not already be out to dinner! If you aren't already there my opinion would be to just go there with an open mind and let e-mom lead the way. Bring pictures but don't take them out unless she asks, keep it low-key and just sort of a nice to meet you type of deal.

Anyways.... I hope things go well you will have to update us.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:17 PM   #4
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

Ugh. She cancelled. I guess her bf wants to be at all the meetings and he can't come tonight. Sigh.
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:39 PM   #5
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

SS...hugs mama
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:46 PM   #6
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

Bummer. Is BF baby's daddy? If so, I see it as a great sign that he wants to be involved and is supportive of the potential adoptive placement. Hope you get to meet with them soon!!
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:31 PM   #7
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

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Bummer. Is BF baby's daddy? If so, I see it as a great sign that he wants to be involved and is supportive of the potential adoptive placement. Hope you get to meet with them soon!!
yep he is, and in that aspect its great. However, I am a little concerned that he is pushing her into giving the baby up. She is starting to back out of wanting to meet at all now though. We'll see what happens. I hope she'll be willing to go with our agency if it does pan out since they'll give her free counseling and I think she really needs to meet with someone to make a decision on her own.
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Old 05-07-2011, 07:43 PM   #8
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

Honestly, I'd hold off on the meeting until your co-worker 100% decides and you talk to her on the phone and she can tell you she is interested in placing. Its really hard to get your hopes up and then watch your co-worker get placed with the baby or not place when you so want a baby. It just feels like you are getting a bit set up here. But, its a personal choice. I'm sorry they canceled. Absolutely make sure both expectant parents want to place too. I'm sure people will not agree and everyone has a different way of doing things but we've had quite of a few of these type of things come up and they are hard.

Hang in there. When its meant to be, it will happen (even if its hard to believe now).
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Old 05-07-2011, 11:16 PM   #9
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

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Originally Posted by pcjs View Post
Honestly, I'd hold off on the meeting until your co-worker 100% decides and you talk to her on the phone and she can tell you she is interested in placing. Its really hard to get your hopes up and then watch your co-worker get placed with the baby or not place when you so want a baby. It just feels like you are getting a bit set up here. But, its a personal choice. I'm sorry they canceled. Absolutely make sure both expectant parents want to place too. I'm sure people will not agree and everyone has a different way of doing things but we've had quite of a few of these type of things come up and they are hard.

Hang in there. When its meant to be, it will happen (even if its hard to believe now).
Thanks for the encouragement, It really feels like this is so frustrated and our application isn't even in yet! I feel the same way (to the bolded) And I don't get it. I told her I needed to know that they were 100% sure they didn't want to adopt (my co-worker) before I would go ahead and meet the mom.
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Old 05-08-2011, 12:04 AM   #10
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Re: Meeting with an e-mom for the first time today, advice needed!!

Perhaps the expectant mom won't want to place with you even if your co-worker decides not to adopt the baby?

I think the main thing is to keep this as uncoercive as possible, while still being available to offer any support if she does choose to match with your family.
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